that I needed a I'm sorry at the least for closure this all became because he was ranting and raving how he was going to kill his wifes brother for doing the same to her I called him out and told him that we need not get together anymore if he is going to continue to be a hipocrit. He swears up and down he did not do it when I remember plain as day it happening. I told him that if he can not be man enough to at least be remorseful then I want nothing to do with him. He said it was not him and he wasnt appologizing for something he did not do and was going to take a lie detector test. He did do it!!!! Am I wrong to cut all ties and tell him to screw off?
2006-12-26 17:13:22 · 18 answers · asked by crazy_sunshine2 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Here is the thing this happened like twenty years ago so no court action can take place. He told his wife that I had accused him! I am not looking to get him into trouble with the law just want an I'm sorry! I did tell my mother (father passed away) but that is a whole other messed up relationship I wrote her off too, her husband now attempted to rape me and beat me severely when i was younger the courts took me away and she married him within days! I told her that she can consider that I dont even exist.
2006-12-26 17:25:54 · update #1
I totally understand what you mean about confronting him for closure! Talking to a Dr. is good, but telling your brother how you feel-and acknowledging it, is the best move you could of ever did! Your brother knows the truth, and he is not being in "denial"! He just does not want to be known as a molester! Well, too damn bad for him, have no mercy!! I know it must hurt that he's acting the way he is, but you just remember you didn't do anything wrong, HE DID!!!! By the way, it's never to late to bring charges, but you do have to prove your case. Besides that, please stay strong in your mind, and if you do choose to kick your brother to the curb, do it for you, for a sense of peace of mind. Once a molester, they most generally will again. Keep in mind, people who do this in the first place aren't exactly thinking with a full deck any way, so he's already a good manipulator in the first place!!! What you decide to do, won't change anything about him!!! Believe me!! Good luck!!
2006-12-26 17:52:56 · answer #1 · answered by sue d 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ok, I am only 17, but I know how you feel. I am going through it now. I waited a long time to tell my mother. And nothing was done about it. I do not think you are wrong to want nothing to do with your brother, I was molested by my cousin and I decided I wanted nothing to do with him. But my family don't get that. If your brother can not face what he did and apologize to you when that is all you asked for (it could have been worse for him) then he does not deserve the right to talk to you or be in your life unless he can prove his innocense...
2006-12-26 17:37:51 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, under the circumstances, you're not wrong to sever ties. Its sad that he can't take responsibility for his actions, and its sad if you don't reconcile at some point in time, but such is life. He was most likely molested himself by a family member or close friend of the family. Best wishes to you.
2006-12-26 17:20:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First thing it depends how old you both were when it happened. If you both say below 10 that might make a diff. I suspect that you or at least was a teenager.
Anyway, I would, like you say/feel, make your own closer and have nothing more to do with him. It ain't worth the pain to rehash the insult when he is not man enough and/or is in denial.
It could be that he is so embarrassed with guilt that he hides it with denial.
2006-12-26 18:32:28 · answer #4 · answered by GERALD S. MCSEE 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is ok to completely walk away from your family and never look back. These are perfect examples of relationships that are not good nor healthy for you. Walk away from them, and find yourself a good therapist and get the help you need to completely put these bad experiences in your past. You obviously have some feelings that need to be resolved, get help in dealing with those feelings and take care of you...
2006-12-26 18:13:27 · answer #5 · answered by Cynthia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good for you! Please talk to a counselor and see what they say. I would also inform your parents about what happened. Chances are that he too was abused and it is good to go on record in case your brother has kids...
and for all that is holy, if you have kids, THEY ARE NOT TO BE ALONE WITH HIM!
I would give your brother another chance to apologize and I would also tell him that if he does not that you fully intend to make a police report about it. He should be held accountable for what he did and he obviously needs help to keep from doing it again. I hear that this is learned behaviour so maybe a counselor could help him to confront whomever did this to him! GOOD LUCK
2006-12-26 17:19:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
unfortunatly i had some what of the same experience with my half brother. I would speak to his wife and just warn her about it to keep an eye on any kids he might have. then I would write him off and never let him near your kids alon ever. I was always afraid my brother would mess with my little girls but i think he is leaning towards sociopath and yours is just in major denial good luck
2006-12-26 17:19:34 · answer #7 · answered by Catie 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have to confront him and tell him straight how you feel about this. Tell him you are going to tell your parents and go to counselling just because of him. If he doesn't respect you and just mocks you, tell him you are going to tell his wife about him molesting you in the past and that you are NOT forgiving him until he apologises like he never did before. Until then you have every right to avoid him and cut ties with him.
2006-12-26 17:19:56 · answer #8 · answered by nurturinghome 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he really did it, and is not remorsful, I think you need to cut all ties with him. I wouldnt want to see him or talk about him ever again. Even around family. He does need to face what he did was wrong, and he knows he did it, hes ashamed of it too.. Just cut all ties and if he's around like family activities, just keep your kids from him and his kids too.. It's his fault, not yours he's being a jerk about it.
2006-12-27 04:01:31 · answer #9 · answered by sshhmmee2000 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
okay this hit a little to close to home and i don't know what to really say to you but that you did the right thing in telling him what you did i also think that you need to see someone about this because for me i have ended up with a nerves brake down and now dealing with depression and bipolar so please go see someone and let it all out about how you feel and how you felt at the time .......I am not saying you will go through what i have because i went through so much more but that was part of it so please just go and see someone and see what you need to do to heal yourself ........good luck and god bless you
2006-12-26 17:25:36 · answer #10 · answered by missy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋