Is my mother-in-law right?

Question

I'm a touchy feely kind of person. If I see someone who's upset I want to give them a hug or touch their hand. I believe it has the ability to make us feel better, so why not? My husband of 3 yrs and I are affectionate around others, sitting next to each other and holding hands, that sort of thing. By no means do we sit with our tongues down each others throats or anything else that might be construed as 'bedroom behavior'. On Christmas Eve, after a very pleasant evening where we visited with his family, my husband's mother asked "Do you two ever NOT have your hands all over each other?" All we'd done was sit close to each other and I'd had my hand on his knee. I was very embarassed and feel it's impossible to be myself in their company. My husband says it's not a sin to show we love each other but does not speak up to her. The more uncomfortable I feel, the more I want him to hold my hand to support me. Crazy. Should we stop?

Answer 1

My hubby and I have been married 36 years and have always held hands and sat close, etc. We have gotten reactions from both sides, some say we are attached at the hip and others who think we are cute. I say,I married him because I love him so why wouldn't I show him that???? Ignore her and do what you've been doing. If she asks again, turn to your husband and say You want to answer that sweetheart? That will make him tell her and you can stop being uncomfortable.

Answer 2

If your mother in law has a problem with appropriate levels of affection, that's a shame for her. But it's not your problem. She should be happy that her son has a wife that loves him so much and isn't afraid to show it. But I think the bigger problem is that your husband didn't take your side in something that he should have supported you in. The only thing I can tell you is that by holding your hand and sitting close to you in front of his mother, he IS making a statement, even though it isn't as verbal as you would like. After all, this is his mother and he doesn't want to fight with her on Christmas.

I think the best thing you can do for you and your husband is to change the way you think about his mother's rude little comments. Instead of you being embarrassed, SHE should have been embarrassed for being so Grinch-like. What if instead of being shamed, you'd have laughed and said, "nope. can't keep my hands off this one for a second!" and given him a big smacking kiss on the cheek? She'd have gone off in a huff and every one in the room would have laughed. And she can't complain about you being affectionate with her son without sounding like a moron to every one else. Eventually, if she can't get a reaction, she'll be forced to just stop trying.

You and your husband are doing great. Don't let her silliness cause a problem where there is none.

Good luck.

Answer 3

you are not wrong! you and your husband have every right to sit close together, hold hands, touch, hug, and be affectionate with one another. you are husband and wife! I say good for you!
the divorce rate wouldn't be so high if there were more people like you!
your mother-in-law is wrong to say something so hurtful to you both. she should be glad that her son has a wife who cares so much about him. and by the way, I'm a very huggy, touchy person myself, and when someone doesn't like or understand that, I get my feelings hurt just like you do.
your husband should have talked to his mother, and explained that the two of you weren't trying to make anyone feel uncomfortable, and that if she doesn't like it, then don't look. you're grown up, married people! and she was out of line.
I really can't tell you why your mother-in-law did this, but don't let it get you down or make you feel that you and your husband can't be affectionate in her presence. I say, carry on as usual, and just pretend you never heard her! and try and get your husband to talk to his mother about what was said, I'm sure you'd feel better if you only knew what made her make that remark.
I wish you the best.

Answer 4

No, you're obviously not doing anything unnatural! And what you're describing is nothing compared to what a lot of people do in public. Though maybe if it REALLY annoys her, you might want to make a conscience effort not to be overly affectionate (choose between sitting close and holding hands, little things like that.) She might have just asked that jokingly or she may be insecure about something in her own life.

Answer 5

ok I am only 17 but I do know there is nothing wrong with showing affection to the one you love. It is possible to go overboard when you are in the company of others, especially family. But so far, it sounds as though you only do little things and there is nothing wrong with that. In my opinion, though I may be young, I think you are right and that your husband should stand up and support you if he wishes to show his affection as well as you do. I hope I've helped in some way. Best Wishes!

Answer 6

It is your husbands job to tell his mom that you two will be as affectionate as you want in public. And it is rude of her to say such things to you.

She is mean. You have two choices. #1 cause many years of angry resentment with your inlwas. #2 let it roll off your back and just don't sit next to each other around her.

It definatly is her problem, but you can't change her......you can only change the way you react around her.

Maybe you should of grinned and winked at her and say.....yep, we can't keep our hands off of each other, then smile big and walk away. Don't let her see it upsets you. She probably thrives on drama.

And if your husband can't speak up, then geesh.......he will eventually grow up. or just drop it all to keep peace in the family.

Answer 7

Your husband is right. He probably feels like he does not have to answer to his mother, so he does not. Keep on keeping the fire going between you and hubby. Your mother in law sounds like a bitter person, if she says that again, kiss your husband on the check and then look at her and say "you have not seen nothing yet". Main thing is how your husband treats you, ignore his mother. She probably knows it sort of gets to you when when says things like that, ignore and when she see's it is doing no good, maybe one day she will stop making such stupid remarks.

Answer 8

Why would you want to? Like you said, you're not enagaging in an episode of heavy necking and petting in front of her so why should it matter. Just because she doesn't do the same kinds of things you do with her husband doesn't mean you can't. I don't have any problem at all with people showing their affection in public, especially when you're around family and friends. If anyone should appreciate your love it is them because they should be happy that they are surrounded by that kind of love.

Answer 9

You are in the right!!! Hoolding hands is not disrespectful at all, I have the same problem but it is because MY MOTHER seems to be jealous of my wife. I have talked to her and asked her why she has a problem with it but she dosent answer. I told her that there is nothing wrong with it and asked that she keep her negative comments to herself. If she persist I told her we would not bother coming around as it seems she cannot accept my new wife for some reason and it is her loss not ours. I suggest talking to her and asking what the real problem is.

Answer 10

If you are indeed doing as you've described just showing normal affection & not raming your tongues down each other's throats I say ignore her she's just jealous!!! Since your husband doesn't feel there's a problem & you're comfortable with the behavior there's no problem. As I said she just sounds jealous.