Breakup Help??

Question

I've been with my girlfriend for over 3 years and I still love her but am not in love with her anymore. I just want to be back on the dating scene. How do I tell her this? She is headoverheals in love with me and I hate to do that to her. Please help me.

Answer 1

Well, once you leave her, it's over. I'll say it again, once you leave her..it will be over. With that said, if you're bent on breaking up with her and not seeing if it's just a phase :), i'd go with being upfront, honest, and don't insult her intelligence (none of the "I want to be friends" or "I'll always love you!!" bull crap unless you mean it kind of thing). And this will suck and isn't much of a consolation (but it's what I'd like to hear at least, from a guy's standpoint) but remind her that you're being honest with her and you're not going to waste her time by lying to her about continuing a relationship where you feel nothing and say otherwise

Answer 2

If it has to be done, make it quick and absolute.

But, after three years, think hard about what you're doing here. You might have a good thing here, particularly if she's still crazy about you (for whatever reason). If you break up with her now, it will never be quite the same even if you manage to get back together later. Just be sure this is what you want and not just some adolescent restlessness.

Answer 3

First of all, you should have thought what you were doing before all of this. You just don't decide to get back in the dating scene. You will have to be honest with her and tell her what you are all about in the most truthful approach you can. I am sure that she would appreciate the truth. She's entitled to it. Don't try to make it so sweet and mushy. If your an adult, deal with it like an adult.

Answer 4

Please make sure that is what you want. I ended an 8 year relationship for the very same reason. I'm sorry but there is no easy way to break up with someone who still loves you. She will cry, try to do things to get attention and then she will hate you. You better make sure you know what you are doing.

Answer 5

Well dont take her out to a public place because then she will cause a scene in public. Meet her at her house so you can get all your stuff so she does not break it.
Be honest and tell her you have just moved apart and it is not some thing you can just work though. Be there to answer all her questions.

Answer 6

The same way you "asked" her to be your girlfriend, "ask" her permission to let go and date other people. I would prefer to give the courtesy to wait until both people are ready before actually dating others, so it doesn't get more entangled than it is. I find there are enough emotions between the two of you to work out first, before adding any more from other people to the mix. So I don't recommend that until both people are in a better place and ready.

The last time I had to break it off with a serious boyfriend, I decided since we had waited till we were BOTH ready to go from being friends to romantic partners, we should also agree when we were BOTH ready to change back to being friends, and not rush it. I thought that was only fair, since we had made a commitment, to keep it until both partners agreed to change.

So we quit having relations (since that desire was no longer mutual) but I insisted we still stay committed exclusively until we were BOTH neutral again friends where we could date other people without any weird feelings or strings attached. If either of us still had feelings, it was only natural to wait until those were fully resolved and let go mutually, out of respect for our relationship. That was my way of keeping my commitment, not to change the agreement until it was mutual with both partners.

So we used the transition time to work through all our issues so these would not drag on into the next relationship. We transitioned out the same way we transitioned in, each step by mutual agreement. The process itself of reconciling everything, cleaning out all our personal and family closets of past issues we were carrying, so we could let go together, was NOT PRETTY. It was hell, but we needed to face up to it. Looking back, I am so glad we did it that way, because we resolved everything directly with ourselves, which was the responsible thing to do. I think our future relationships were better off that we didn't play games with each other or other people, which would not have been fair. We got all our garbage straight directly at the source between ourselves, before we went on to anything else.

People are usually afraid to resolve relationships so immediately and directly this way, but when I look at the 5 months it took us to resolve a 3-year relationship, where we were back to being normal friends, in contrast to the emotional gameplaying and hurt that other people drag out for months without resolving it, I prefer to have closure.

P.S. Two words of warning:
(1) There is a phase that even married couples can go through where they feel like they are totally with the wrong person. Make SURE you are not going through this, and are not just "testing" yourself or your relationship! One counselor I met called it the "desert phase" where you just need to be alone.
See helpful hints at http://www.houstonprogressive.org/mediator.html

(2) Don't do anything that would send your girlfriend to this board in tears:
http://groups.msn.com/BreakUpSurvival
You can go there and read cruel stories about the emotional gameplaying that goes on, and try to avoid that by all means.

Answer 7

It's unfair for her if you stay with her but would rather be with someone esle. I say to just tell it to her striaght and be honest that you want something else. She'll get over it.

Answer 8

Be hard, fast, and blunt. It is the best way ! she will get over it faster. Or if you want her to hate you, cheat on her with one of her friends.

Answer 9

what took you 3 years to figure this out????

Answer 10

ditto exept i love the girl even when she is fuked up