Being Jewish and Promise Rings?

Question

Is it true that Jewish men do not give "promise rings" to their girlfriends? I happen to be Jewish and really have not heard of that "rule".

Answer 1

Oy! What do you meen by Jewish men? If you are speaking of Jewish law, there are multiple problems with doing this. If you don't care about Jewish law, then you've already decided to do what you want, so why ask what Jews do. Give the ring if you want, or don't.

Here's the problem with the ring under Jewish law, with the third part being probably more what you care about the most:

1) Promise rings were invented by certain Christian groups as a sign of commitment not to have relations before marriage, and they are used in some circles as a sign of a less than engaged/but committed status. The Christian origin makes it unpopular even among secular Jews, and among religious Jews it is unheard of for the following reasons:

2) Jewish law prohibits men from having girlfriends, friends who are girls, or speaking in a jovial manner with girls that are not in their immediate family including cousins; until one is looking for a bride. (K.Sh.A. 152:8-9)

Once he finds a bride, he should marry her, after a brief period of planning. Modern Orthodox will tell you this is chumra, but they say that because they are idiots who don't know how to learn. Moshe Feinstein ruled talking to girls in a friendly way is a violation of the biblicla commandment, "Let no unclean act be seen among you." The Satmer Ruv held it was a Rabbinical violation unless you could see the girl.

3) On top of that, giving gifts to each other, once you have decided you might marry this person, is a really big problem in Judaism because you can end up being accidentally married if you say the wrong words in front of the wrong people. The only b'di eved requirement for mariage in Judaism is that the man say in front of two valid witnesses that he has an intention to marry the girl, give her something, and for her to be seen accepting it of her own free will.

Traditionally, when a couple becomes engaged, the families exchange presents. The girl recieves necklaces and jewelry, and the guy recieves a pocket watch. Because the gift is between families, it can't be seen as creating marriage.

During the engagement period, the couple can exchange gifts, but it's necessary to include a note saying it is because they were thinking of the other person and thought it would be a nice thing for them, so it doesn't appear to be for the sake of marriage.

4) The person above who said under Jewish law if yu sleep with a girl you are married to her, is an imbecile and needs to stop answering questions about religions he doesn't know anything about. Under biblical law that is true if you do it in front of two witnesses and say loud enough for them to hear, "I hereby marry you with this intercourse." And she says, loud enough for them to hear, "Yes." THen the witnesses have to confirm they are doing the nasty, and not just making wild movements on top of each other.

THe Rabbis banned people from using this technique for marriage as they thought it could lead to problems. (I'm sure we can all see what kind of problems.)

Answer 2

I'm Jewish and I see no reason why there would be any law for or against "promise rings"

though the whole concept of a engagement-engagement is rather silly.

Answer 3

A promise ring, if I recall correctly, is a pledge to remain virgins until you two marry.

In Jewish law, the act of making love is considered a valid marriage.

So... of course you would remain a virgin until you get married, right?

Answer 4

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Well, if the people are observant Jews- its meaningless since they are not supposed to even touch, let alone have sex before marriage. As such, it is a meaningless gimick to us. If people want to give them- they can, but they have no relevance or meaning beyond that given to them by the individuals involved.