The 5 Questions Most Feared by Men?

Question

1. What are you thinking about? 2. Do you love me? 3. Do I look fat in this? 4. Do you think she is prettier than me? 5. What would you do if I died?
What makes these questions so difficult is that every one is guaranteed to explode into a major argument if the man answers incorrectly (i.e., tells the truth). Therefore, as a public service, each question is analyzed below, along with possible responses.

Question # 1: What are you thinking about? The proper answer to this, of course, is: " I'm sorry if I've been pensive, dear. I was just reflecting on what a warm, wonderful, thoughtful, caring, intelligent woman you are, and how lucky I am to have met you." This response obviously bears no resemblance to the true answer, which most likely is one of the following: a. Football. b. Golf. c. How fat you are. d. How much prettier she is than you e. How I would spend the insurance money if you died.
Perhaps the best response to this question was offered by Al Bundy, who once told Peg, "If I wanted you to know what I was thinking, I would be talking to you!"

Question # 2: Do you love me? The proper response is: "YES!" or, if you feel a more detailed answer is in order, "Yes, dear."
Inappropriate responses include: a. Oh Yeah, sh@*-loads. b. Would it make you feel better if I said yes? c. That depends on what you mean by love. d. Does it matter? e. Who, me?

Question # 3: Do I look fat? The correct answer is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Incorrect answers are: a. Compared to what? b. I wouldn't call you fat, but you're not exactly thin. c. A little extra weight looks good on you. d. I've seen fatter. e. Sorry what did you say? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 4: Do you think she's prettier than me? Once again, the proper response is an emphatic: "Of course not!"
Incorrect responses include: a. Yes, but you have a better personality b. Not prettier, but definitely thinner c. Not as pretty as you when you were her age d. Define pretty e. Sorry what did you say ? I was just thinking about how I would spend the insurance money if you died.

Question # 5: What would you do if I died? A definite no-win question.(The real answer, of course, is "Buy a Lotus and a Boat").
No matter how you answer this, be prepared for at least an hour of follow-up questions, usually along the these lines:
WOMAN: Would you get married again? MAN: Definitely not! WOMAN: Why not - don't you like being married? MAN: Of course I do. WOMAN: Then why wouldn't you remarry? MAN: Okay, I'd get married again. WOMAN: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face) MAN: (makes audible groan) WOMAN: Would you sleep with her in our bed? MAN: Where else would we sleep? WOMAN: Would you put away my pictures, and replace them with pictures of her? MAN: That would seem like the proper thing to do. WOMAN: And would you let her use my golf clubs? MAN: She can't use them; she's left-handed. WOMAN: - - - silence - - - MAN: Sh&%.

Answer 1

Toooo Longggg Miranda,short jokes are a lot better..but keep trying.Your jokes will improve over time,ok,it won't happen now but it will happen..

Answer 2

1. Al Bundy was right! If we want you to know what we're thinking, we'd be speaking. 2. No man can lie and answer this question with a straight face. If he can't say he loves you, he doesn't! 3. If you're not looking for an argument, then you might try and avoid asking loaded questions like; "Do these jeans make me look fat?", because there is NO CORRECT RESPONCE for this question. The choices are; "YES, those jeans make you look fat.", or "NO, the jeans have nothing to do with how fat you look." Why do you insist on asking questions to which you DO NOT want to receive an answer? If you can't look in a mirror and see if you're fat or not, get some frickin' glasses. 4. Any man with a gram of grey matter would answer this question "NO!" If he says otherwise, don't bear his children for they will be severly retarded. 5. What I'd do if my wife died is impossible to answer because no one can truely see the future and speculation is a sad excuse to pick an arguement over.

Answer 3

Hey Miranda, how are you able to make long posts? Isn't there supposed to be a 1000-character limit in effect?

Besides, if you allow me to correct your answers to #3 and #4, I would say:

#3: "Do I look fat?", I'll respond "Why should your body structure matter to me, when I know that I could never find a more sweeter and caring person in the world, than you?"

#4: "Do you think she's prettier than me?" I'll respond "If you aren't the prettiest person I have ever seen, then how could you justify the first time I met you; when I was struck by awe at your beautiful eyes, charming looks and a pretty smile that opened up my heart and breathed a new life into me? Could any other woman do the same to me; of course not. period."


P.S. Sorry if my English is bad, but I think you can get my point

Answer 4

1. What if I'm pregnant? 2. Will you marry me? 3. Do you believe in love at first sight? 4. Do you have any brothers? 5. Who's your Daddy?

Answer 5

When a man marries a woman.. he first has to answer to:

Will you take this woman to honor and obey... and in sickness and in health... did death do you part?
He will be at fault... if he is not happy... for saying I do... hehehehe!

Answer 6

pretty funny..........although i find that only women would find this entertaining...........since it is nowhere near the truth........

the whole thing is made up of inaccurate stereotypes women make up because they couldnt find a good man........

i have a girlfriend that i love very much and plan on marrying soon........and im not afraid of any of these questions......in fact, ive been asked all of these questions and had no problem answering them.........it helps my girlfriend is the most beautiful girl ive ever seen though........

btw im only 20 and can be immature........so im sure there are other guys out there who would have no problem with these questions..........

still funny, simply because i love how ridiculous stereotypes are.........

Answer 7

No honey, your fat a ss makes your fat a ss look fat!

Answer 8

Lol another reason not to get married!

Answer 9

Man oh man that man is tottally screwed... LOL!!!! That is pretty gosh darn funny....... I wonder what the 5 most dreaded questions to women are?>>..........................

Answer 10

That could have been funny, if I had any intrest left by the end. WAY WAY WAY too long of a story to have such a little punchline. Thanks, though. Bad jokes make good jokes look better.