How do I deal with my boyfriend's negative comments?

Question

I'm a freelance journalist and I write magazine articles for a living. Last year I got a book contract for my first book and I was paid an advance. My boyfriend did a graduate degree in creative writing but he has never managed to get any of his writing published. Recently he became depressed and also refused to read any of my writing work. Finally he admitted it was because my success at writing was making him very angry and jealous. I asked him how he would deal with things when my book came out and if I became successful and made a lot of money. His reply was, "you're unlikely to make real money, like Sidney Sheldon, so thankfully its not going to be something that I'll have to worry about."
I said, "how do you even know what money I might or might not make?"
He said, "I'm sure of it. You're just not going to make that much money at it."

Right now I think he is pathetic. How do I deal with his constant negativity and competitiveness?

Answer 1

Hmm. If he loved you AT ALL, he would be jumping up and down praising you and wanting to celebrate. He sounds like a very self centered child. Is this the kind of thing you want in a relationship? Everytime you do something great he is going to make you feel like crap for it. You need to reevaluate your priorities in a relationship, he has made HIS obvious. His are him him and him.

I dont even know you and yet I am happy for you, CONGATS to u!!!
If I were you Id dump him like a hot potato. You deserve someone to be celebrating with you in joy.

Answer 2

You deal with it by leaving him.

Anybody that selfish and that self-involved isn’t ready or able to handle the awesome responsibility of a relationship. You know why you think he’s pathetic…because he is.

Writing and any other type of artistic endeavour is extremely difficult, ours is not a world that makes it easy for artists. You need as much support and encouragement as you can get, from everyone, just to keep going. You’re doing well now but what about when the dark times come…and you know they will come? You’ll need encouragement even more then, right?

You’re smart enough to have gotten this far, I have no doubt you’ll do whatever it takes to make your book and your entire career successful. And that should be your focus, that should be what you spend your energy on, not your boyfriend who is only gonna sulk with each success. Lose the baggage and get ready to get rich and famous.

Always remember if you can do better then you should.

Answer 3

Geeze, what a bummer. I know how he feels, but I'm sure your natural talent must be impressive. Obviously he should be supporting his girlfriend.

I see this as two possible options.

A. When he makes comments like that, say something real like "Wow, thanks for your support".

B. Confront him. The following is a positive confrontation method:

1. Confirm the relationship - Think how it was before this issue and let him know how you feel.
2. Discuss the issue. - Try not to insult him, just state facts
3. Discuss how you both will work on the issue - You might put him in your shoes and ask him what he would do.
4. Discuss what will be changed from now on. - He needs to find better ways to comment about your success. Maybe a key word when he makes a comment that is nagative . . if you say it, he needs to apologize.
5. Reaffirm the relationship - Maybe even seal it with a kiss.

Well, good luck. Try to remember girls mature faster than boys . . sometimes boys don't at all.

Answer 4

Jealously can destroy a relationship fast. The best thing is try to be positive, and if people where not making good money doing it then why would so many people be making a living off of writing of any kind. Your situation actually sounds very close to the story line of the movie Funny Farm with Chevy Chase. If you havn't see it you should, the back story of the couple is very close to what your explaining so it might help. Keep your head up.

Answer 5

I'm sorry about this! Your boyfriend, even with that graduate degree, sounds very jealous and childish. He should be so happy for you and proud of you instead of making comments like that. Tell him how those remarks hurt you. Tell him you feel that he doesn't want you to achieve success. If he remains so negative and competitive, then I'd consider moving on. I'm sure you'll be successful with your writing (I am a freelance writer, too!) and can find someone man enough to share your success w/out jealousy.

Answer 6

What a jerk! Tell him you think you'd better move on and find a real man who is confident enough to not be jealous of your success, and who will support you and be your biggest fan.

BTW--Congratulations on your anticipated success! I hope you make more money than Sidney Sheldon.

Answer 7

Write a book about a**holes and make the tilte whatever his name is. First of all get rid of his a** because when the money starts rolling in, you will not have to worry about spending a dime on him. Problem Solved!

Answer 8

I'm not sure how long you have been with this turkey but WOW how selfish can he get? In my book this is a major red flag that he is waving in your face. You are right about one thing he is pathetic. The only way to deal with it is to choose not to. When people show you who they are you should believe them the first time. Congratulations on your book deal!

Answer 9

Do you really want to be with someone who is depressed and jealous of you? It's not a good thing. Very, very bad prognosis long term. Why do you put up with it, even now? That's the question I'd be asking myself. You sound like a smart woman. Find a man who treats you well.... consistently!

Answer 10

I know what you mean. You see, your life partner can either make you or break you. Irrespective of all the differences, he/she is the closest person to you and what he/she says matters a lot. You need to think things through girl. I know that you can't give up a guy on a matter like this but he doesn't look like he is going to change, so u gotto decide if you can put up with it or not.