Need help on my suicidal thought I sometimes act upon...?

Question

Im turning 19 Jan 3rd, im engaged, have accomplished so much in my life. I use to be a CNA at St.Mary's Hospital in the ER and Tele, wanna be an RN, advanced cert. scuba diver, 7 yr snowboarder, ..you name it..I have alot...have done alot. But..I get these thoughts of just ending my life. Like nothing matters anymore...anything i accomplished..getting married, having that family i have always wanted...nothing.

I get so close to just getting in my car and finding the nearest over pass... I know its not right..but I at the time i dont care. I'm getting so close to just doing it..it scares me... because I could do something I would regret and wouldnt be able to take it back. And I refuse seeking help...i wont get help.

Answer 1

Hun, i think you need to see someone. if not for yourself, for the one youre going to marry. if you love her and care about her enough to be marrying her, then you should be able to stick around for her. life does get very stressful at times. but dont let thoes times get the
best of you. love is stronger than anything, and that i know from my own experiance. if shes what makes you happy, then think of her, or call her, or go see her. tell her how youre feeling and she'll understand. if you take your own life you WILL regret it and you will leave your future wife and family heart broken. if youre hurting that bad, then you need to get help, if youre scared to go or do it alone, ask your fience or family member to go with you. you have accomplished alot and youre not even 19 yet, think of what you can do in 50, 60 years. dont deprive the world and others of yourself. remember, love can solve almost anything. think of when you two get married, how much your love for her will grow, and how much her love for you will grow in return. and the love you will feel when you hold your first child in your arms, the child that the two of you created, together. thoes moments are what make life worth living, thoes moments of happiness make all the pain that youre feeling right now, feel some what worth it. never forget how much you love her and how much she loves you, you'll be amazed at what love can do. best of luck and please take care of yourself and your future wife. and congrats on the engagement.

Answer 2

Being a nurse is a high stress job, and you make an incredible difference in other people's lives. If you have anxiety that you are out of control of your life and thus contemplate ending it, you need to step back and contemplate just trying something completely different. What could you do that would be more fun? You kill yourself and it's game over, darkness, nothing, why hurry that, there is a lot to see and do in this world first. You don't and can't help or save everyone, you have to look out for those closest to you, who mean the most to you, and think about how much you mean to them. And don't be so proud you can't find someone you can confide in, every one gets there at some point in their life, everyone needs to talk to somebody sometime. I get teh feeling that even though you are engaged there is some disconnect going on there? Like I said, if things seem to be snowballing out of control, you need to chill out, hang out with old friends and family, take a break and unwind, do something you enjoy, maybe havn't done since you were a kid. Being grown up means you don't have to explain your actions if you don't want to. It also means knowing "discretion is the better part of valour", that if you need support, as we all do at times, don't be too proud to ask for it. Life isn't fair and it's full of surprises, good and bad, but if you don't like how things look, try a change of faces or places. You are so young and have so much opportunity and time to do anything you want us older people who wish we could be 19 again envy you. I can promise you there are days and experiences very much worth living for you have yet to discover, just hang on, consider what ius bugging you, and do what you have to do to make things better for yourself no matter who gets upset with you.

Answer 3

Well...obviously YOU DO WANT HELP otherwise you wouldn't be turning to several strangers for advice.

You have done much with your life and you have so much in store for you.

Suicidal thoughts can be triggered by a chemical embalance. If you are on any types of medications, you might want to talk to a doctor so that you can have the medications adjusted. If you are drinking or doing drugs, you really need to stop .

Something is wrong and it really does need to be taken care of . IF you are not on any drugs prescription or nonprescription then you probably do have an embalance of some sort and you really do need to take care of it.

There are natural medications that can help you if you are not one that likes to take any type of medicines. You just have to be careful and maybe talk to a naturopath about what you can take Another option is an adjustment in your diet, that often times makes a huge difference.

Good luck. Hang in there.
If you kill yourself, you will be hurting many loved ones and leaving behind some great opportunities

Answer 4

You need to seek medical attention. Why do you not want help? If you identify a problem, why would you not want to treat it?
If you worked in the ER, you have seen people not want to be treated. What did you think about that?

Being treated is not bad, it doesn't make you a bad person or a crazy person. In this day and age, there are so many things that happen, more and more people have stress factors in their lives that are very difficult to handle.
Get treatment. You will be glad you did and all those things you have done will be even more valuable to you as they are all major accomplishments. Be proud of who you are and what you will become with help.

Good luck. I also work for St Mary's Hospital organization. They have free counseling sessions available to the staff. Check with your HR personnel.

Answer 5

perhaps part of the problem is that you have acomplished so much. have you achieved all your goals? perhaps becasue of this you feel like you hav enothing left to live for. many people contemplate suicide, so youre not alone. i aould advise getting new goals. not that this is easy but think about what else you want to do that you havent done already. think about joining new clubs, meeting new people who dont know you. its a chnace to start all over agin. take up an instrument if you dont already play. that will give you a goal to work towards. above all thoguh talk to someone about your feelings someone you trust. and not a professional if you dont want to. a close friend or youre fiancee or call the samaritans. i know you might think that no one will understand and theyll all try to force you to seek professional help. but youll be suprised. theyll want to help you and chances are theyll do whatever you need to help. also there are some herbal [really herbal not like weed] remebies you can take to take the edge off when youre feeling really bad such as st. john's wort drops. good luck.

Answer 6

You just asked for help, from a bunch of strangers. I know that you are not alone, I sometimes feel that way and I have a successful career and a beautiful family. It's called depression and more people than you can imagine are afflicted with it. My babies give me all the reason in the world to live and yet from time to time I feel as you do, they are my saviour. I'm not religious and find no comfort that something great is beyond this life. I live for my kids and my grandkids to come. As you can see, I have no answers, but at least you know you are not alone.

Answer 7

Try to get into spirituality. You might find peace.

Don't kill yourself. There's more to accomplish -- more to see.

Don't you wanna read stories to your grandchildren?

I think there's something else that's bothering you -- what is it?

(maybe finding a solution to that nagging problem might help you feel better? Just a suggestion. I maybe wrong about you having a real problem -- but I've never met people who are depressed for no reason.)

Answer 8

19 is too young to be engaged. If you are planning on having kids before 23 you will regret it.

You really haven't accomplished that much kid. You scuba dived, snow boarded, and worked as a nurses assistant (i.e. changed bedpans), whoopdee freakin' doo. You want to be an RN, but you're not, why don't you accomplish that before you off yourself.

Answer 9

Why would you be so selfish and hurt so many people? Not only would you be taking your own life but hurting sooo many people. Do you want to be an example of how stupid one person can get? Your depressed. Its uncontrollable. Not your fault actually. Seek help. Yes your stubborn but you really have to see past that.

Answer 10

If you need help, as you said, then your only effective help is counseling. Call your community mental health clinic and arrange to talk to someone, or call your local crisis line, or go to the emergency room.