How do I change the guys I attract?

Question

I change the guy and yet he's the same just a different package. I change what I look for: environment, qualities, character... strengths. He always ends up being a woman hating momma's boy... needing constant attention and has definite control issues. Not to mention it seems to be getting worse. Where they used to try to control me with position and money they now try to make themselves indispensible and need my money... I moved away from guys with money because I felt they where trying to buy me. Guys without money, but aren't lazy are very smart and try to take mine and try to control me through obligation and responsibility.
I'm kinda of an old fashion girl in ways but not all ways. decent looking, good job, not much else... as I am rebuilding. However, I seem to always find the guy who ultimatly says without me... do you remember where you where before me? Yeah! I wish I was back there. And return to being single at that point. How do I find just a mister nice...

Answer 1

I think it really has a lot to do with the type of men you are meeting, and it has a lot to do with how you look, as you seem very physically attractive (that's and observation, not a come-on), and you probably attract, and are attracted to other physically attractive males. Unfortunately, most of the physically attractive people I meet, have had their heads filled with how attractive they are from a very young age, and see how many doors they can open by their looks alone. This leads to a fairly self-concentric way of seeing the world , with themselves at the center (I am not suggesting you are that way)without ever being able to work on themselves as people, and expect everyone to bow to their whims as this is what they are used to. The nice, but less attractive people will tend to shy away from the attractive people for various reasons, i.e. fear of rejection, perception of the above self-centeredness etc, so they may be someone you would really like to be with, but you are unable to recognize this as they tend not to fall into the category of people you are used to being with. I am not suggesting that you totally lower your standards, but instead of going with the men who are attracted to you, try to seek out males who don't necessarily fit your surface looks, but are honest, secure, and totally committed to being a good and loving person, as they are likely to have worked on their inner-selves as this will likely be their shining feature.l

Answer 2

I find that when guys first start to date a girl they try and see what they can get away with. It is the resonsibility of the women to set boundries. If you want a guy that takes you out then make sure that the relationship involves you being taken out and not just a sexual relationship. If you don't want a man who is going to verbally abuse you than the first time he yells at you you make it known that that behavior will not be tolerated. You see it's not about changing the guy it's about changing the way you interact with them. Men who use women for money or sex look for a certain personality type. Change that type and you will attract a different kind of man.

Answer 3

You probably have a "kick me" note taped to your back...no, just kidding! It's just that you seem vulnerable; they feel comfortable and get to know you and follow the line of least resistance. You in turn tend to be the 'mothering-nurturing' type and guys who need to control look at this as an indication that you need direction. The ones who start relying on you are probably the ones that never got over being thrown out of the house or the fact that 'Mommy' wasn't going to be around forever.
Love making is the key...if a man tries hard to make sure your needs are met before his own, there's a good likelyhood he's going to do the same outside the bedroom as well. That's when you can start an even exchange or decide whether or not you want to support him in the ways you choose to instead of him writing his own ticket. Good luck, there's no fool-proof method of dating-mating..

Answer 4

let me be honest with you: you can't change anyone. just yourself. decide what qualities you look for in a guy, and find a guy with a majority of those qualities (there is no such thing as a "perfect" guy). however, you don't want a controlling relationship, and it sounds like you've experienced a fair share of such relationships. a relationship takes two people and two sides, so control should be equal. Mr. Nice is out there somewhere... unfortunately, you just have to kiss some frogs before you get to him.

Answer 5

well, you Can change the guys you attract by how you view yourself. for example, if you don't stand up for yourself then guys are just going to walk all over you you have to know what it is that you really want in a relationship. make yourself presentable, you know nice looking but not sluttish. don't be shy of talking to guys because they might be the ones wanting to talk to you but maybe they are to shy to do it. the best thing to do before asking a person is to observe them from afar and watch how they act around other people, this will really help because they won't be able to put on a show for you.

Answer 6

I know exactly what you mean. I ask a friend one time why do i attract the losers who are mean and lazy. She told me do you ever think sometimes that maby your attracted to these type guys. Well that got me to thinking. So i decided that i would try not dating till i change the way i look at men. My tast is finally changing and better quality men are asking me out now. I actually find them attractive to. but they have alot of test to pass befor i go out with him for good.

Answer 7

I know this sounds soooo unreasonably cliche, but "Be Yourself"...I mean, just don't look for certain things, just let the guy be there. Like, just go out, have a good time, don't be looking for "Mr. Right." Be yourself and you'll sure to meet him someday.

Answer 8

sounds like you hit it right. its all about control. much like decaying flesh draws flies, your desperation draws the human equivalent. if you need a companion, get a pet. the love will be unconditional. if you have an itch, well, i think you know the answer.

Answer 9

Change your look. If you are attracting the same type of guy, it is because you look like something they want... Do you dress like a hoochie mama? You will attract guys who just want a booty call.

Answer 10

its nit them that are attracted to u at first its u yur more attracted to things like that because u find it a challenge