I'm 26, Last year my then 19yr old cousin asked me for a loan of 5,000 to pay for school. I thought about it and told her I'd give it to her on the condition that she keeps her grades up. I told her once she got good grades, consider it a gift. Then I found out that she didn't even enroll, she spent the money on clothes and other stuff. I was really disappointed and just completely cut her off. This past weekend she called me apologizing for everything and saying that it's Christmas and it's a time for forgiveness etc etc. I found out today that her step dad kicked her out and she's now living on her own. Am I wrong for not wanting to have anything to do with her? After what she did, I was really disappointed and hurt. Should I forgive her and let her back in my life, or just completely cut her off like I've been doing? What would you do? I feel like a fool because she took my kindness for a weakness and now I'm not sure if I can let her back into my life. What do you think?
2006-12-26 13:05:05 · 9 answers · asked by ƒ®îgg Üþ ©hî¢ ®™ 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Etiquette
Sorry, but I'd suspect that her father has kicked her out for the same spoiled, rude, immature behavior she exhibited to you when asking for a loan for school then blowing the money. There is no way that I would ever loan this girl money again, considering the previous circumstances. However, it is family, and if you feel you must do something, perhaps you could have her live with you for a little while (and perhaps even charge her a little rent so that she can learn responsibility). You can assist her with finding jobs, and if she indicates an interest in school again, go down with her to enroll and make certain that the school gets the money, if you are paying for it. (And let her know you expect repayment for your earlier loan in the future!) And if she does move in with you, watch your money closely!
You are definitely not wrong for being hesitant about this situation. Sounds like everyone may feel a little taken by this girl.
2006-12-27 04:34:29 · answer #1 · answered by JenV 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
A true friend would have never done that to you, But if you want to welcome her back into your life do it with a guarded heart and a locked bank account! Good Luck to you..
The more I thought about this, i wanted to add something.. She said it was a time for forgiveness, but has she done anything to actually have you forgive her, other then apologizing, Has she made an attempt to even offer to pay this debt back to you? I mean even 5 dollars here or there would have shown she was truly sorry.. Just a thought...
2006-12-26 22:05:54 · answer #2 · answered by Issym 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You sound pretty intelligent and, therefore, I think you already know the answer to your own question. Yes, it's true that Christmas is a time for forgiveness. However, this girl basically robbed you blind and you were nice enough not to go after her for the money that she owes you. Isn't that forgiveness enough? She can't be trusted anymore and you're better off to just stay away from her. Remember, con me once, shame on you but con me again, shame on me!
2006-12-26 22:58:52 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think forgiveness is in order. You should forgive her, however, that does not mean open up your wallet and give her money. She needs to learn to be honest and truthful and self sufficient. I would not give her anymore money and would tell her that you expect to put a payment plan together, she still owes you the money. She did not keep up with her part of the deal. And you should explain to her your displeasure with what she did and why. And then move on from there keeping your money in your pocket. Good luck and God bless****
2006-12-26 22:19:40 · answer #4 · answered by ? 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think everyone deserves a 2nd chance BUT make damn sure if you do take her in that you set up a plan for her to pay you back and that you never loan, give or anything money to her again! She is family and if you want to take her in then do, just remember family will screw you over faster than anyone else.
2006-12-26 21:26:23 · answer #5 · answered by Julia B 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That was a terribly dishonest thing to do. She didn't follow through with the bargain you two made. I think taking her to small claims court would teach her a lesson. I don't care if she is your blood relative. It was a lowdown, despicable act and she should be taught a hard lesson. I could never trust someone again who did that.
2006-12-26 21:15:16 · answer #6 · answered by 60s Chick 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, she is family, so I think it's worth trying to have a good relationship with her. But you probably won't want to lend her money again. Help her in ways that are really beneficial for her -- for example, you can help her choose her community college classes online.
2006-12-26 21:24:08 · answer #7 · answered by drshorty 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
wow!!i am all for forgiveness,but i would be guarded with her.it seems like she might be coming around for some help since she is homeless now,but its hard to know someones motives.i dont think id cut her off completely but let her know where you stand .you care and love her you would like to be with her but you will not help her financialy.best wishes
2006-12-26 21:19:07 · answer #8 · answered by jessiebella677 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well, give her one more chance, and tell her how u feel.
2006-12-26 21:09:15 · answer #9 · answered by deer8 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋