How do you stop a stalker before they become one?

Question

OK, let's get one thing straight, I'm a guy of EXTREMELY average looks, charm, wit, money, etc. . .so I'm not bragging here, but. . .

There's this lady who's taken a bit of an obsession with me, and I'm not happy about it. I have zero romantic interest in her, and in fact, I find her very presence disturbing. Unfortunately, we have common business which requires I see her once or twice a week.

At first I thought I could ignore her, and maybe she'd take the hint. But I guess she thought that I just didn't notice her, because she started getting completely obnoxious around me.

Then I thought about being nice and maybe accepting civility. Nope, I opened the floodgates to more harassment.

I lately resorted to being mean and rude to her, and all that does is make her doubly rude to me.

Is there a way to escape such inconsiderate behavior?

BTW: I'm sure she's a fine person, she's just got a problem. Most of us have probably been on both ends here, so I'm not judging.

Answer 1

Great Question!
You sound like a decent guy...I hope we give you good answers.
I'm not quite sure, right now I could b that crazy lady obsessing over a man....for me to stop I guess I would have to hear it from him.
Tell her" Suzy Q it seems we got started on the wrong foot. Let's start again, I think you are a great person but I do not mix business w/ romance. It's unprofessional and I m in a serious relationship at this time but our working relation is important to me too! So, let's wipe the slate clean...no hard feelings and shake her hand and get down to business!"

O! by the way women only "stalk" you if you have slept w/them!!
**HEY y did i get a thumbs down already???***

Answer 2

I think you should take a step back and really assess the situation. I don't think she is obsessed with you. I think she is just a very nice person in general, and you read wrongly into that. And that wrong "signal" that you got set you off on the wrong foot, resulting in you offending her. That's why she is treating you the way you treat her. A woman who is obsessed with a guy will never do what she is doing to you, she would be too blind in love to realise your nastiness. So maybe you could mention something like" Maybe we started off on the wrong foot, I know you are a very nice person to everyone and I was just weary of that as there are'nt many people like you around! I Hope we can keep a good professional relationship going."

Answer 3

I would simply take her aside on a day where you are both in a reasonable state of mind, and bring a third party with you as a witness. Then, tell her like it is in a calm but firm voice. Tell her point blank that you have no interest in her and that her behavior is turning into harassment. Do not hesitiate to tell her that you will get higher-uppers involved if the problem does not stop, and be prepared to go through with it. Many times, people like her will deny to themselves that their infatuation target does not feel the same way until they get themselves into trouble of some sort.

Answer 4

Have you gone back to just ignoring her and dealing with your business only.
After the outspoken and rudeness this might be the way to go about it again.

With this common business is there a way she wont be around when you go there? or can you time it that she is out having lunch when you do. . (Just ideas as im not sure what situation the meeting is).

if you have to speak to her to conduct the business..
Maybe just pointing out that... You feel very uncomfortable.
And if you could just attend the business you came to do and then go quickly then it shouldn't be a problem to you or her.
See if that goes both ways..

She hasn't followed you home or anything like that so i wouldn't worry about stalker status yet.. or for that matter you haven't mentioned phone calls or other harassment..

So this is just two people meeting at one business location.
I wouldn't get to concerned just put it out there that you feel uncomfortable and if you could please just go about your business..

Hope this helps.

Answer 5

If you both work for the same company, then you can file harassment charges against her through your EEO or Human Resources office. Also, try talking to your supervisor and maybe you can get reassigned to another project that doesn't involve any contact with her. I hope things work out for you.

Answer 6

Tell her that she is really bothering you. If she doesn't get it then;what is the business in which you have to see her? Try to change that somehow.