What is the best joke in the world? Make me laugh?

Answer 1

Dirty joke ~ Billy played in the mud
Clean Joke ~ Billy took a bath with bubbles
Dirty Joke ~ Bubbles is the girl next door

Answer 2

These are questions with "smart" answers

Girl: Say you love me! Say love you me!
Boy: You love me

Girl: I think the the poorest people are the happiest
Boy: Then marry me we'll be the happiest couple

Girl: Darling I want to dance like this forever
Boy: Don't you ever want to improve?

Boy: I love you and I could die for you!
Girl: How soon?

Boy: I would go to the end of the world for you!
Girl: Yes, but could you stay here?

Girl: Are you sure you love me and no one else?
Boy: Dead sure! I checked the whole list again yesterday!

Girl#1: Have you ever had a hot passionate, burning kiss?
Girl#2: I did once. He'd forgotten to take the cigarette out of his mouth.

Man: You remind me of the sea
Woman: Because I'm wild, romantic and exciting?
Man: No, because you make me sick!

Mary: John said I'm pretty, Andy said I'm ugly. What do you think,Peter?
Peter: A bit of both. I think you're pretty ugly

Teacher: Which is more important to us? The sun or the moon?
Boy: The moon
Teacher: Why?
Boy: The moon gives us light at night when we need it while the sun gives us light only in the day time when we don't need.

Teacher: What do you call a people that keeps talking when other people are not interested?
Boy: Teachers!

Waiter: Would you like black coffee?
Customers: What other color do you have?

Teacher: Sam you talked alot!
Sam: Its a family tradition
Teacher: What do you mean?
Sam: Sir, my grandpa was a street hawker, my father is a teacher
Teacher: What about your mother?
Sam: Shes a woman

Student#1: How could I convey the news to my father that I've failed?
Student#2: You just send a sms: Results declared, past year's performance repeated.

Teacher: Now Sam tell me frankly do you say your prayer before you eat?
Sam: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook

Teacher: Now children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and I stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Boy: Brotherly love

Patient: What are the chances of my recovering doctor?
Doctor: 100%! Medical reports show that 9 out of 10 people die of the disease you have. Yours is the tenth case I've treated. The others all died.

Answer 3

What kind of joke are you looking for? Here's a dirty joke that's always guaranteed a great laugh. =D

A farmer had a son who's birthday was that day, turning 15... so for a present he gave him a duck to take into town with him to see if he can get an exchange. So the son took the bus into town and ran into a prostitute. He said, "It's my birthday and I was wondering, ya know..." She said, "Aww, of course! I'm sentimental about birthdays. If you give me your duck, we'll have a deal." ........Afterwards, she said, "Wow for a 15 year old, you're quite a lay! If you do it again, I'll give you back your duck." After that, it was time for him to go home. He decided to walk rather than take the bus so he could think about his day. Then for some odd reason, the duck flew out of his arms right at the same time as a beer truck was passing by and got ran over. The driver felt sorry for hitting it and gave the boy $2 to make up for it. When the boy got home, his dad asked how he made out. His reply was, "Well, I got a fu*k for a duck, a duck for a fu*k, and two bucks for a fu*ked up duck."

Hope you like. =) If you're looking for something more toned down, let me know and I'll edit my answer. And hope I haven't offended anyone...

Answer 4

Blonde joke:
A blonde decides to try and learn horse back riding unassisted without prior experience or lessons. She mounts the horse with great effort, and the tall, shiny horse springs into motion.
It gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, but the blonde begins to slip from the saddle. Out of shear terror, she grabs for the horse's mane but cannot seem to get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway. The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious to its slipping rider.
Finally, giving up her frail grip, she leaps away from the horse to try and throw herself to safety.
Unfortunately, her foot has become entangled in the stirrup. She is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground again and again. As her head is battered against the ground, she is mere moments away from unconsciousness or even death when Frank, the Wal-Mart manager runs out to shut the horse off.
If you like this joke and want to hear more, pick mine for the best answer and post another question like this: Blonde jokes anyone? and i'll post a couple more! :) ♥

Answer 5

Man walks into a bar,he sees a big bowl of money on the bar.He ask what was it for? the bartender said his horse was really sad and crying all the time,he said if anyone could make the horse happy and stop crying,they get the money!! So the guy walks to the horse and talks to it And the horse stops crying and starts laughing. The guy walks to the bar picks up the money to leave,the bartender said what did you say. The guy just walks out the door.

Several months later the same guy comes back to the bar and sees another bowl of money on the bar,again he asks what it's for? The bartender said if someone could get his horse to stop laughing they would get the money.so the guy walks up to the horse and talks to it and the horse stops laughing!! As the guy walks to the bar to collect the money,the bartender said befor you take the money please tell me what you said?

The guy said the first time i told the horse my penis was as big as his,so it stopped crying and started laughing,this time i showed him !!!! Hope this gave you a chuckle,It gave me a good laugh years ago and I stil chuckle today.

Answer 6

Here are some Brigham Young University coed jokes for ya.

Q: Did you hear about the driver who swerved to avoid hitting a BYU coed?
A: He ran out of gas.

Q: What's a BYU coed's favorite exercise?
A: Jogging to the refrigerator.

Q: What did the BYU coed say when her boyfriend blew in her ear?
A: Thanks for the refill, honey.

Q: Why did San Francisco get all the lesbians and Provo get all the BYU coeds?
A: San Francisco had first choice.

S: A BYU coed bragged, "I can marry anyone I please." "Why don't you, then,"
her friend asked. "I don't please anybody," she admitted.

Q: What's the difference between a BYU coed and an elephant?
A: About five pounds.

Q: How do you make up the difference?
A: Force feed the elephant.

Q: How does a BYU coed spell FARM?
A: E-I-E-I-O.

S: A BYU coed was walking down University Avenue with a pig under her arm.
She met a girlfriend who asked "Where did you get the pig?" And the pig
answered, "I won her in a raffle."

Q: Did you hear about the new BYU coed doll they're selling in the bookstore?
A: Put a ring on its finger and its hips expand.

Q: What do you give a hungry BYU coed?
A: Anything she wants.

S: A BYU coed got embarrassed at a masquerade ball. At midnight, when the
hostess asked all the guests to remove their masks, the coed cried, "I
don't have one on!"

Q: What's the most important thing in a BYU coed's makeup kit?
A: A paint roller.

Q: What is the difference between a BYU coed and a Ferarri?
A: Not everyone has been in a Ferarri.

Q: Why do they call BYU coeds "Amazon"?
A: Because they are wide at the mouth.

Q: How do you get a BYU coed into an elevator?
A: Grease her hips and throw a Twinkie in the elevator.

Q: What do you call a good-looking girl on the BYU campus?
A: A visitor.

S: A BYU coed was watching a tennis match when a BYU guy walked by and asked,
"Whose game?" "I am," she said.

Q: Did you hear about the BYU coed who baked a sponge cake for her boyfriend?
A: She used the wrong kind of sponges.

S: Two BYU coeds were studying astronomy together. "What's a comet?" asked
one. "I think it's a star with a tail," her friend answered. "Ho, I see,
like Benji?"

Q: Why did the BYU coed flunk her history test?
A: "They kept asking questions about things that happened years and years
before I was born."

S: A BYU coed ordered 48 hamburgers at a drive-in restaurant. "Are they all
for you?" asked the waitress. "No, two of my roommates are in the car
with me."

Q: What's prairie dog?
A: A BYU coed from Kansas.

S: BYU coeds are so modest they pull the curtains before changing their minds.

Q: What is the best thing to come out of BYU?
A: 1230 North.

Q: What's the difference between a BYU coed and a freezer?
A: About five degrees.

Q: Why is a freezer better?
A: You can defrost it.

S: Never criticize a BYU coed's figure. She might hold it against you.

Q: Why did it take the BYU coed so long to cook the turkey?
A: The recipe said to cook it for 30 minutes per pound and she weighed 150.

Q: What's the differnce between a BYU coed and a police car?
A: It takes two police cars to create a roadblock.

S: Some girls are ugly, but BYU coeds are the exception. BYU coeds are
exceptionally ugly.

Q: How are BYU coeds like paint?
A: Get them all stirred up and you can't get them off your hands.

S: A BYU coed went to the health center. "I have a cold in my head," she
told the nurse. "Well, that's better than nothing," the nurse replied.

Q: Did you hear about the truckload of pigs that got loose on the BYU campus?
A: They had to check I.D.s to reload the truck.

Q: What's the difference between a BYU coed and a refrigerator?
A: The coed can hold more food.

Q: Why do BYU coeds like to be alone?
A: Because two's a crowd.

Q: What is the thinnest part of a BYU coed?
A: The hair on her palms.

S: Did you hear about the carload of BYU coeds who froze to death at the
drive-in movie? They went to see the movie, "Closed for winter."

Q: Why did they have to enlarge BYU's stadium?
A: So more coeds could sit in the stands.

Q: Did you hear about the engaged BYU coed who stayed up all night studying
for her blood test?

S: BYU coeds can be had for a song-- "The Wedding March."

S: There's one good thing about a BYU coed's body--it isn't as ugly as her
face.

Q: What's 36-24-32?
A: A BYU coed's leg.

S: It takes at least three BYU coeds to play hid-n-seek. One goes to hide
and the other two try to figure out who left.

Q: How do you tell a smart BYU coed?
A: Her lips don't move when she reads to herself.

S: One BYU coed put on a clean pair of socks every day. By the end of the
week she couldn't get her shoes on.

S: BYU coeds have that far-away look. The farther away they get, the
better they look.

Q: How did the BYU coed get rid of her freckles?
A: She washed her mirror.

Q: Did you hear about the lucky BYU coed who had a date every Friday night
last semester?
A: She kept them in her refrigerator so they'd stay fresh all semester long.

Q: How is a BYU coed like Ms. Pac-Man?
A: They both eat everything in sight.

Q: Why did BYU Security raid a candle-passing in the girl's dorm?
A: They thought they were breaking up a dope ring.

Q: What's a BYU coed's favorite dress shop?
A: Acme Tent & Awning.

Q: What's the difference between a BYU coed and a rooster?
A: Roosters say "cockadoodledo" but BYU coeds say "any dude'll do."

Q: Why didn't the BYU coed use her water skis?
A: She couldn't find a lake on a hill.

S: Some BYU coeds would make great fullbacks. Expecially the ones with the
license plates on their charm bracelets.

S: A BYU coed asked a store clerk, "Can I put this wallpaper on myself?"
"Yes, but it will look better on the wall," he said.

Q: What do you call a swimming pool full of BYU coeds?
A: The Bay of Pigs.

S: There are two kinds of BYU coeds--good-looking ones and sweet spirits.

Q: Did you hear about the BYU coeds who were stuck on the escalator at
University Mall for two housr during a power outage?

Q: What has an I.Q. of 144?
A: Twelve BYU coeds.

S: A BYU coed missed this question on her religion test: "Where was Solomon's
temple?" She answered, "On the side of his head."

S: Someone once asked a BYU coed, "Are all girls as stupid as you are?" She
answered, "No. Look how many single girls there are at BYU."

S: A BYU guy approached a BYU coed with this old line, "Haven't I seen you
somewhere before?" She replied, "Yes. I have been somewhere before."

Q: What's the difference between a BYU coed and a palm tree?
A: A palm tree has dates.

Q: How do you get a BYU coed to go off her diet?
A: Open a Twinkie within two miles of Provo.

Q: What's worse than being a BYU coed?
A: Being behind one in a cafeteria line.

S: If a BYU coed ever said what she thought she'd be speechless.

Q: How do you get 100 BYU coeds into a Volkswagen?
A: Toss in a diamond ring.

Q: How does a guy get them out again?
A: Tell the BYU coeds he's a non-member.

Q: Why do BYU coeds wear stripes?
A: So you can tell if they're standing up or lying down.

Q: Why do BYU coeds have such a terrible time in the morning?
A: They're so fat they rock themselves to sleep trying to get up.

Q: What happens when a BYU coed walks into a room?
A: The mice jump up on chairs.

Q: What's the thinnest book in the BYU library?
A: "BYU's Beauty Queens."

Q: What do you get when you cross a BYU coed with a pig?
A: Nothing. There are some things a pig won't do.

S: "Do you remember when you were born?" a friend asked a BYU coed.
"No, I was too young."

Answer 7

A married couple was asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning. The wife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment and said, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here!" and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, some woman wanting to know if the coast is clear."

Answer 8

This is gross but funny, MUST READ!

There is a couple, and every morning the husband would fart really loud, and he would smell bad.
One morning his wife said, "honey, your going to fart your guts out one day."
So later on, while the woman was gutting a turkey she had an idea. While her husband was sleeping, she shoved the turkey guts in his pants.
The next morning he got up, and went to the bathroom, she heard.. "HOLY SH*T" !!
Then He spent an hour in the bathroom!

When he got out he looks at his wife, and says u were right!
She says, "TOLD U!"
He says, "Yeah, but with 2 fingers and some vasaline i was able to get most of them back in!!"

Hope u like!

Answer 9

A group of scientists are studying the great apes in the jungle.
Suddenly one of the charges at them and grabs one of the women. He then takes her off into the jungle where he rapes her for hours.
When he finally leaves, the others rush in, pick her up and take her to the hospital.
Several weeks later when she still isn't getting better, one of them decides to visit her.
The doctor tells him that she's completely fine now, just severely depressed, and nothing seems to bring her out of it.
He goes into her room and after greeting her, he asks why she can't snap out of her deep depression.
Bursting into tears, she replies, "He doesn't write, he doesn't call..."

Answer 10

Dumb Blonde Joke:
A blonde, brunette, and a red-head walk into a room where if you say anything that isn't true you drop dead. The brunette says "I think that I'm the prettiest girl in the world." Nothing happens. Then she says "Who am I kidding? I am the prettiest girl in the world!" She drops dead. The red-head says "I think that I'm the smartest girl in the world." Nothing happens. Then she says "Who am I kidding? I am the smartest girl in the world!" She drops dead. Then the blonde says "I think... she drops dead.