I just found out that a one night stand from 5 weeks ago is pregnant. I was completely reckless and didn't use protection in a bout of drunken stupidity. This is a nightmare situation. I just landed my dream job and started dating a great girl a few weeks ago. To my horror, the one night stand seems to be leaning toward having the baby. I'm prepared to fulfill my financial obligations, but I want nothing to do with the girl. What do I do?
2006-12-26 12:26:32 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Wow...tough luck. If you're dating this girl seriously, I would tell her that you are expecting a baby and that you are not in a relationship with the mother-to-be. In general though, dating will be difficult during the pregnancy - it won't look right in the eyes of most women. I'm glad that you are going to be financially responsible. I would do some research on your legal rights as the father. Also, it would be in your best interest to establish a relationship with the mother of your child. Hopefully the two of you can form some sort of mutual friendship as you will be raising a child together. As unfortunate as this all seems, you never know what can happen - this child maybe the best thing that ever happens to you. I wish you the very best.
2006-12-26 12:31:23 · answer #1 · answered by ♪ ♥ ♪ ♥ 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am proud to hear that you admitted to your own mistake ("I was completely reckless and didn't use protection in a bout of drunken stupidity." but regardless of the fact that you now have your dream job and have a great girlfriend, that doesn't change the fact that you are now, and forever will be a father. Even if she chose to abort or had a miscarriage, you just created what I assume is your first child.
You can be a stand up guy and take responsibility for this baby, or you can be a dead beat and act like it was just an innocent mistake and make the woman deal with it. I think in your heart you know the right choice.
You however, mentioned financial obligations, but not moral, and that to me is a little sad. This baby is not in any way responsible for yours and this womans drunken night. It is innocent and still deserves a good chance at life. Just because you choose to be a part of this childs life doesn't mean that you have to have any type of relationship with the mom.
You could get a lawyer, request that the courts order a paternity test before setting child support or visitation, and then if you are in fact the father, you could request a neutral spot for exchanges of the child. As long as you stay up to date with child support and anything else that the court orders you to, like medical insurance, then there is no reason for you to have anything to do with the mother.
But please, don't make this child suffer for your's and this woman's stupidity. You guys chose to get drunk and have sex, which is not at all this babies fault.
You have a great opportunity to show other men what a REAL MAN is. You should take it.
2006-12-26 12:41:18 · answer #2 · answered by LittleMermaid 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is sad to hear you say that to your horror she wants to have the baby. Did you know that at five weeks your baby has a heartbeat. The Gift Of Life is just that, A GIFT. Although it may seem at the moment that your life is just becoming perfect and this baby is not wanted by you, it will not always be that way. You should take responsibility for your actions and be kind but truthful with the mother of your child, telling her that you will fullfill your financial obligations but that she should not depend on you for your emotional support. Murdering your child is not an option! I have a two year old and when I found out I was pregnant, I also had a great job and wasn't expecting my partner to leave me for another woman when he found out I was pregnant. But my daughter has been the most amazing blessing and whilst it was very hard being pregnant and alone, I would not change it for the world. Life is better and more beautiful with her in it, and as far is I am concerned it is her bioligical father's loss not to know her. I hope that you look deep into your heart to find the right answer. Take Care :0) Debbie
2006-12-26 12:55:27 · answer #3 · answered by ballerinadreamer1973 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First, are you sure that the baby is YOURS? If not than that should be the first thing you need to take care of. If you are sure, than you should tell the girl that you have been seeing if you really like her. You want to be truthful with her. As for the one night stand... your financial obligations are great but.. you also need to be obligated to the child not the mom. Help in what ever way you can,just please do leave the child because of a big mistake it could just turn out to be alright when you see that beautiful baby. Good Luck:) I know this has to be really hard.
2006-12-26 12:37:46 · answer #4 · answered by alybr 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you I would not let this the best of you . Everybody makes mistakes. Just learn from it . Don't forget that you now have to be an adult about this , let your girlfriend know about the situation (don't lie, it will only make things worse for you and your girl) If she wants to be with you than she will understand and she will support you no matter what (don't mess this up , if you really want to be with her). Now on the other hand you now have a responsibility, this baby had no parts in this so therefore be a good man about it and raise this baby with pride of it being yours you don't have to be with the mother to be a great father. hold your head up and be the "Father of the Year!"
2006-12-26 13:03:48 · answer #5 · answered by gemini81 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Make sure that she knows from the get go that you will be a responsible father while keeping your distance from her. During the pregnancy, be there for all doctors visits, baby showers, and other events concerning baby. Work out the child support --both financially and emotionally for the baby. Let the new gf know everything now and enjoy the new job. Good luck!
2006-12-26 12:29:34 · answer #6 · answered by BlytheLyssa 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Be honest with her and with the new girl you've started dating. Good thing you have a good job; that'll help you.
In addition, understand that this is no longer about your or the girl. It's about that baby who is a miracle combination of two people who may have never met. This child might be destined for amazing things! It's okay if you don't want a romantic relationship with the mother, but have one of kindness and respect so that your child will grow up knowing that both parents love him/her and knowing how to treat others. Be consistant, be involved, be honest. That's the best you can give your baby.
Congratulations!
2006-12-26 12:36:21 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell ur g/f the truth from the start. Nobody said that u had to be with the babbys mom just pay her the money each month and see the baby. There is something i 4 got how u call it in which someone picks up the baby and brings it to u. But u have to do this while in court.
Good Luck
2006-12-26 12:40:41 · answer #8 · answered by U Wish 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't have to have a relationship with the girl but you need to remain friends for the baby if you want to be in it's life. It's better for the baby not to see you fighting. You don't have to end your relationship with your current girlfriend but if you have not told her about the baby you should do so now. Do the right thing and if you don't want to be a part of the baby's life atleast make sure you pay child support. Be a man, step up, and take care of what you created.
2006-12-26 12:44:15 · answer #9 · answered by honeybear 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take care of the child financially. If you really don't want to be in the child's life offer to sign over your parental rights to the mom so she might be able to find a husband and he can adopt the child.
2006-12-26 12:34:42 · answer #10 · answered by iampatsajak 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋