I have 2 grown up kids, a boy 27 and a girl 23. I was a firm believer in discipline, even in spanking, and both were a bit troublesome when teens. Sometimes I had to be harsh. Today they are graduated, w/ good jobs and are terrific people, but almost hate me. It's more than I haven't talked or seen them. They resent their mom too. I lost any hope they make up with me, though I'll always love them
2006-12-26 11:48:11 · 12 answers · asked by Marcos 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Sorry, Mike, but unless you stop the self-pity you will never be able to mend relations with your children, period. Ever. Get yourself some help - a counselor may do a lot of good. At least then the kids will know you are trying to help yourself. I've seen you ask this same question a thousand different ways. I just want to know how so many of your questions (and answers!) got deleted.
You are far too selfish to make any connections - yet. If your children see you helping themselves perhaps they can begin to forgive you. You're just not telling the whole story here - and it's wasting everyone's time.
2006-12-29 22:52:51 · answer #1 · answered by Me, Thrice-Baked 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You were not to strict. I have 2 Children,and 5 grandchildren. I was strict and they didn't like it either.
My boy is 36 ,and my girl is 33 years old. My daughter took 23 years before she talked to me. We now have a very close relationship.Her 3 Boys,my grandchildren
are now being discipline. It took her a long time but having children of her own makes all the difference.
Wait and in time when they have children they will realize
you were right.
2006-12-26 12:04:50 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well, sometimes harsh is a little to much. I don't think that you have to be harsh to raise kids the right way. Also, some parents never got the knack of being firm and loving them to balance. Very important. If you and their Mom over did it then you will just have to apologize to them and let them know that you didn't realize at the time how harsh you were. You don' t have to apologize to them but if you want a relationship with them you really need to.
2006-12-26 11:53:47 · answer #3 · answered by sunny 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Were you too strict with them? Do they have any memories of you as a fun parent or all bad memories of being too strict? When you say harsh what does that mean? Being a firm believer in discipline may have been way too much. Did you praise them when they got good grades or did something to be proud of? Or was it all negativity?
2006-12-26 11:55:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anne B 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think it all depends on how strict you were. Sometimes parents use the word "strict" very loosely and in all reality they were abusive like my parents. My folks are in an ever constant state of denial over how they treated me and my sisters as we were growing up. If you were to ask them they'd say they were great parents. In all reality they used to use beatings and intimidation to scare us into compliance.
As kids turn into adults and think about their upbringing it's not uncommon for them to feel resentment if they were treated excessively "harsh" and unfair.
You can't make them take the first step in reconciling. You need to reach out, love them unconditionally and acknowledge your parenting faults. If you are in denial about anything you won't be able to reconcile because they will resent you for it...
2006-12-26 12:45:17 · answer #5 · answered by Cute But Evil 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't wait for them to talk to you, you need to talk to them. Go over to their house unexpected and have a talk with them. Bring gifts if you want to surprise them even more. Ask them what they have made of themselves today. Your relationship is rough, but it is not over yet. Once you have gone over to their houses, invite them over to yours, talk to them more by phone and email.
If they do not live close to you then just give them a call. Do not sound desperate, and don't apoligize until you have talked with them for a while and your relationship with eachother is better. Just talk about happy things like their current jobs, their girlsfriend/boyfriend, that sort of thing. They most important thing is that they don't appriciate that they were raised "right". You may have been a little too harsh for them, but it is just because you love them. You have to talk to them, if you fail to do that...what is the chance of them talking to you?
-Azooga-
2006-12-26 12:36:10 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest you talk to them that what you did was for their own good and also that you didn't realize at that time that you were going a bit too much. Best thing is WAIT for them to have children of their own. They will understand your way.
2006-12-26 14:52:06 · answer #7 · answered by hoshedarm 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mike you know what you sound like you just wanted them to be good they are not the first kids to get a spanking and wont be the last give them time they will come around,and they know you loved them and they love you to it just takes time
2006-12-26 11:55:43 · answer #8 · answered by just_me_1955 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You need to tell them how you are feeling!! Neve give up on you kids just be totaly honest with them good luck.
2006-12-26 12:46:01 · answer #9 · answered by JINE GIRL 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I you feel you did the right thing, let them be like that
2006-12-26 12:44:58 · answer #10 · answered by pelancha 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋