I have certainly never encountered anything like this before, I could use some advice. My fiance and I have been together for 3 years. We met shortly after my ex boyfriend and I (of 2 years) broke up due to him moving away for college. We spared each other the pain, knowing long distance relationships just don't work. My fiance and I built quite the happy life together, we purchased a house, and we're doing excellent, we were happy... We were happy until he cheated on me. We broke up for a week. After deciding to try and make things work, I moved back in. We have not managed to be happy since the incident... Both of us are desperately trying, we don't want 3 years of happiness to go to waste. What my fiance doesn't know, is I have kept in contact with my ex. We send emails back and forth, about once a month, we have remained friends. We are very spiritually close... For example, I had a dream about him a couple months ago, and to my surprise found out he had dreamt of me as well. We can, and do, talk for hours straight... 3-8 hours at a time, without bored or awkward silences. I still think about him every single day... 3 years later and I still can't seem to get him off my mind. The worst part? Three days before Christmas my ex graduated college and moved back home. I was nothing more than to see him, but I know I can't. I am STUCK. I love my fiance, but... This whole thing is so very confusing.
2006-12-26 10:50:39 · 16 answers · asked by melsaruly 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
No no no no no! I am NOT cheating, and I never would.
2006-12-26 11:05:37 · update #1
I do have to add... If I had a car (in my name) and a place to live, I honestly don't think I'd have ever gone back to him. I got myself into a bad situation, I know that.
2006-12-26 11:11:47 · update #2
I do have to add... If I had a car (in my name) and a place to live, I honestly don't think I'd have ever gone back to him. I got myself into a bad situation, I know that.
2006-12-26 11:11:50 · update #3
WEll, you're an old fashion girl, and cheating is not something taken lightly.
If you can forgive and forget, is one thing. You must completely forgive and completely forget for it to ever work. You cannot live in the past or use it to your advantage in future situations. If you can, however, forgive, as the Lord would have us to do, you can only do this in God's strength and God's timing. It will never work any other way. Do you love him enough to forgive him? It doesn't sound like it to me. You love him, but, cannot forgive. You would not do what he did, because you are not that way. You need someone with the morals as yourself. Forgive him, cut your losses and move on to someone who respects you enough not to cheat.
2006-12-26 11:14:14 · answer #1 · answered by mickey 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It looks like you are not happy now and before you marry a man that cheated on you (and probably will again, because that's how they are)Do yourself a favour, go meet your ex for a cup of coffee. See if maybe he is the one you want. It's better to think about who you will end up with for the rest of your life and your fiance obviously did what he did, so meeting your ex for a coffee is not a big deal. That way you will know who is the men for you. Also you may need some alone time to think things over. regardless of either of them. Do what is best for you and you only. Otherwise you are destined for divorce court. be smart. do your thing. Good luck.
2006-12-26 10:57:55 · answer #2 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
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2016-10-28 10:26:02 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be aware of the following:
Your "ex" is an "ex" for a reason -- because he is a HUMAN BEING who screwed up MAJORLY in your previous relationship and y'all couldn't work things out.
You believe that the grass will, in fact, be greener being with your ex.
Don't mistake APPEARANCE for REALITY as your mind is playing tricks on you.
It is folly to assume that the grass will be greener with your "ex" because YOU will be SOLELY responsible for MOWING THAT LAWN! And when doing that becomes a CHORE, your "ex" will once again become a BORE! The novelty will once again wear off.
Manlaw explicitly states that you are to cease and desist all communications with your "ex" unless he is your baby daddy or is stopping by your place for a clandestine "booty call".
You are in violation of manlaw because you are trying to maintain a certain level of spiritual closeness with your "ex" and that is forbidden if you truly want you and your fiance to have a viable chance for reconciliation.
The three years with your fiance weren't a waste because it made you the person you are NOW and it is preparing you for your true mate and purpose in life. Further, don't assume that the time spent together with your fiance is a perfect substitute for his character flaws.
He has some things to work and so do you. You are not as perfect as you claim to be and both are you to blame for this mess you have created.
Now do the adult thing and clean up this mess by working it out OR moving on.
2006-12-26 11:08:18 · answer #4 · answered by DaMan 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Pray about it... Talk to your ex about it too... obviously you can't talk to your fiance about it b/c it may result in a nasty breakup... but if he cheated on you, told you, and then you forgave him then its over... You forgave ..although I know its hard to forget... sweety your ex was one person in high school... you may talk to him a lot now but you have no idea what 4 years will do to a person ecspecially at that age... I say you work on it with your fiance and keep your ex your friend except pull back a little... talking to him might be another reason of why you and your fiance's relationship is suffering
2006-12-26 11:01:36 · answer #5 · answered by Amanda F 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keeping in touch with your former lover all these years was dishonest, and deceitful if you hid that fact from the man you were planning to marry. It doesn't sound as though you or your fiance were at all committed to this relationship if he's cheating and you're "spiritually close" to your boyfriend. I'd also question your definition of the word "love" and suggest premarital counseling if you plan to continue with the engagement.
2006-12-26 10:55:44 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Gul my advice to you is to try to work it out with your fiance a couple more times and if that dont work you know what you PROBABLY have to do. And as far as the ex thing goes I would say to start back dating him BUT that wouldnt be right because you are engaged. So if I was you I would remain and jus try to be his friend.
2006-12-26 11:24:47 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your fiance cheated on you and you didn't boot him out of your life!!!! If he cheated on you now why would you think he wont cheat on you again? Are you ok with the fact that he cheated? My opinion is that you should dump his *** ASAP. Then, after you've dumped his cheating butt you can see your ex-boyfriend without having any feelings of guilt.
2006-12-26 11:01:41 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like you both dont want to be together --- he has already cheated and you are (im sorry to say) cheating as well (you consider someone else before your fiance) ---- maybe sit down and talk about it --- if you have to force happiness its not going to work long term
as an aside it sounds like a long distance relationship has worked
2006-12-26 10:55:08 · answer #9 · answered by trader1867 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A relationship is based on TRUST, He has destroyed that trust! Some times it can be saved, not always! You both may want to see
a counselor, who specializes with this type of thing. You may find that you both should part and find some one new or your ex.
2006-12-26 10:59:48 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋