when to intervene and when to let them figure it out by themselves?

Question

2 year old twins who are very competative. They get into it over toys ect. I want them to learn to work it out on their own. How do I decide when to intervine and when to say "you're on your own."?

Answer 1

I'd wait to see if they resolve issues on their own; however, I suggest that you don't let the fighting get to a point where it becomes really mean and hurtful. If you do, patterns will be set in their relationship and eventually old wounds will fester.

My parents did little to stop my sister and I from fighting when we were children, and honestly, to this day, we still bicker and harbor some resentments from the past, and we are now in our forties! My parents should have taught us some conflict resolution and coping skills, which they didn't. They just let us fight things out. Sometimes we really hurt one another both physically and emotionally. Mine were young parents who didn't know much about much.

One other thing you may want to think about is whether or not you unconsciously compare your children and assist in creating a competitive environment? My parents often compared my sister and I so one of us was always left feeling like the lesser, weaker, less intelligent, less athletic, less talented of the two.

When these kinds of things happen, the less emotional of the two children may be able to more easily move on and ahead, but the more emotional may suffer indefinitely. And their relationship may never fully repair itself.

Answer 2

I Have two girls they aren't twins but they fight a lot over their toys and what not. what I do is if I hear them getting into it I listen and if it doesn't stop then I go up there and tell them both that they need to play nice and share their toys. My oldest who is four trades toys with her younger sister who is two. If she has something she wants sometimes it works and other times it doesn't. Sometimes I will go up there and I will watch them and most of the time either way they solve it themselves. I know that if you intervene to much then the kids won't learn how to problem solve on their own so just be careful on how much you intervene and pick your moments. Cause most the time they will figure it out.

Answer 3

some parents do fall into the trap of only paying attention when there is negative behaviour going on

i think there could be times that you could find them activities they can co-operate with to achieve a more positive outcome (but that is more appropriate to when they are older methinks)

i would watch out and keep an ear or eye on them but only intervene if one of them is going to get hurt - and make sure that it isn't the same child who loses all the time also

other than that - let them sort things out for themselves

Answer 4

I agree with the getting physical part, you don't want them hurting each other. But when you feel they are old enough to understand, see if you can teach them how to share with heach other and take turns. That is something they may never learn on their own and may need to be taught.

Answer 5

You intervene when they are physically hurting each other or you can't take the noise and fighting anymore.

Answer 6

They are very young for negotiations.As they get older you will be ablto intervene less.

Answer 7

Intervene if it becomes physical. Otherwise try to just say "You need to let ...play with that for awhile."