It has always been my plan to have one or two natural children, and adopt a baby girl from China (The conditions for female orphans in China are sickening, while not an ideal situation here, at least domestic orphans have their welfare secured.
Me and my fiancee are leaning towards only having one natural child, as we want to give them every opportunity that we did not have in life.
I had also originally planned to have my natural child first, and then adopt our second child, but now that we have set down and really thought this through, we think it might be more healthy to adopt first. We think this would help our baby girl, especially coming from a different culture, feel just as much part of the family as our natural child, which might be hard if we added on to our family.
We also think that this would help our natural baby develop a normal sibling relationship with our adopted baby, as this would be all he/she would know.
Which do you think would be more healthy? Thanks!
2006-12-26 09:57:43 · 8 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
You don't think when a child is adopted into a family has an effect on how they view themselves in the family, and the sibling relationships within the family? That seems like common sense to me.
2006-12-26 10:04:38 · update #1
Thanks Gnome, but you must realize, in the United States the physical welfare of children are guaranteed to they are 18. In China they do not have that luxury. Think of the population of China, and how their rules of 1 child per family affect the adoption market in that country. Girls are looked down as second class citizens, but it is not legal to just give a child up if you have an extra girl. So many people just leave their babies somewhere they will be turned it. While I would think it very rewarding to enrich the life of a child, it will be even more so to potentially save the life of a child.
2006-12-26 10:31:00 · update #2
I would adopt first. You may find that is your course for all of your kids once you do it.
2006-12-26 10:01:19 · answer #1 · answered by Sir J 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Good plan and well thought out. However, there are many children in this country that are just as bad off if not worse than those in China. I would adopt the closest child that was unloved or had no parents. There is no explanation needed here, but I will give one.
Every motherless child is the same, they all have needs, wants and desires that will go unnoticed or unfulfilled as they age. Unless a Loveing parent adopts them. There are babies being sold everyday in America so that a family can eat or worse. As we pay to protect other nations, pave there roads, feed there people and give them all an education, here in our own Country we allow the old,young,sick and lame to perish in the streets and alleys surrounded by the vast wealth of a once great nation of Freedom.
I am personally very happy that I never fathered a child, becuse my child would now be in a war somewhere killing innocents while Americans go each day without Homes or Food.
I respect your concerns and well wishes, these are a truly good that a majority of Humankind has lost or forgotten.
2006-12-26 18:24:38 · answer #2 · answered by Yawn Gnome 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think that you and your fiance are both such kind souls. I think your idea is a good one. It makes perfect sense from a sibling perspective to adopt the child first to help with their bonding. However, more importantly, it makes the most sense for this child from China to bond with you. I have a 13 month old and I have to tell you that although it has been the most incredible experience in my life, I have not had time for ANYTHING else since he has been born. That being said, it will be hard for your adopted child to come to a whole new country, new culture and new language. It will take a long adjustment period for her during which time she will need your undivided attention and love. If you have another young child at home, you will not be able to devote all of your required time to the adopted one. I personally feel that adopting first is the better idea, and when your beautiful family has settled into a routine (and you will know when this is) then another child should be brought into the picture.
Good luck with everything, it's too bad this website doesn't allow for updates!
2006-12-26 23:04:59 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with you that it would be better to adopt first, you have a good reasoning process as to why it would be better for both children. I cannot resist adding that we could use more people like you and your fiancee in this world, it's not enough for you that you are planning such a wonderful thing, you worry more than anyone else would about getting everything just right. Let us know what you decided.
2006-12-26 18:03:50 · answer #4 · answered by clueless_nerd 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I would agree with your plan. It seems like the sibling relationship would developmore naturally that way. I believe it would help to adopt first because that child most likely will need a lot of attention and time to adjust also. I have two boys (natural) and we would like to adopt a daughter and I'm a bit afraid of how their relationship as sibling will be like.
2006-12-26 18:03:48 · answer #5 · answered by Ella727 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is your call... I would have a natural child first because i think it is very important to continue you and your other halves bloodline. You can't go wrong either way, I think it is so kind of you to adopt a child from such a needy area.
2006-12-26 18:05:02 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
I think you should do whatever you are comfortable with either way both children will have a wonderful and happy life.
2006-12-26 18:16:53 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think it doesn't really matter.
i am an experienced mom.
2006-12-26 18:02:19 · answer #8 · answered by BonesofaTeacher 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋