help me... im so confused?

Question

so my boyfriend and are are planning to get married soon, and we moved in together last week. we live about 5 or 7 blocks from HIS parents house and he works alllllll day, morning to night and his mom comes over every day and tells me how im cooking too fatty food and her son is getting fat, and how i need to put my dishes in this cabinet and not in the one i have them in and this and that and aghhhhhh... we arent even married yet, will she get worse when we get married, what can i say to her in a nice way to mind her own business. shes the kind of person who takes things personal... any advice.

Answer 1

You know, my wife and I kind of fell into the same kind of trap earlier this year when our son and his girl were talking about getting married. Our son is still in school, and working nights, and we knew they didn't have much money for a wedding, and her parents didn't either. So we tried to set up a wedding for them. Nothing special, but more than they would otherwise have had. We tried to ask them what they wanted, and then tried to set up something nice around them. But they never would commit to a date, so we couldn't book anything, and eventually the whole thing petered out. We didn't know what was going to happen with them, and they had a baby on the way too. Fast forward to september, and now they've had a beautiful little girl, but as far as we knew they hadn't goten married yet. Then the day after delivery, my wife and I were visiting our sons girl at the hospital so we could see our newborn grand daughter. While we were there, the nurse came in with the paperwork to fill out for the birth certificate, and our sons girl had to admit that they had indeed gotten married several months back. They had gone to a justice of the peace. Kind of a hard lesson to learn, but we laughed it off, and we all are very close now.
Your mom-in-law-to-be, just like my wife and I, only has the best of intentions for the both of you, and probably is trying to bond with you so you'll all be close. She's just over doing it. I'd say split the difference on things. If she has some recipies for some healthier meals, cool! What's wrong with trying something new. Some of these meals might be meals your fiancee grew up with and likes. Nothing wrong with making him feel at home with a familiar meal. But on the other side while you're learning to cook these meals there's nothing wrong with putting the dishes away where you want them. Just tell her you respect her advice, and love the cooking tips, but you really need to make a home for your fiancee and yourself your way. If she gets her nose bent out of joint, point out to her that you've received her cookong tips greatfully, and thank her for them. Show her that you respect her trying to help, but you two have to live your own lives your own way. Get your fiancee to intervene for you too. It's his mom, get him to respectfully ask his mom to let you make a home for the two of you. Dont, whatever you do, become financially dependent on your in laws, or you'll never be rid of them. Also, if she's coming over every day, if it hasn't yet, that's going to get real old real fast. Tell her you need to have some kind of schedule, or expectation for when she comes over. Not because you don't want her there, but because you need to go out sometimes and do the normal things of life. Shop, dry cleaners, personal business etc. Not that you don't ever want her there, but you don't want her to come over and find the house locked up because you had to go out either. She needs to at least call first so she doesn't catch you in the shower, or some other embarassing situation.
Good luck in your new life.
May you have all the happiness my wife and I have had with each other for almost 30 years now.
God Bless.

Answer 2

After she leaves, change everything back and then just explain that it works better for you the old way. She is just trying to find some way to bond with her new daughter-in-law. Passing on her knowledge and experience to the next generation. Sometimes this comes off harsh and critical, but really just be kind and tell her that you appreciate your input, you'll take her recommendations into consideration and then take some time to think about her suggestions and whether or not they are valid before you make a snap judgment. Make sure your husband is on board with your decisions so that he isn't putting you down in front of his mother. In addition, it will get worse...much worse...when you have children. Just learn how to be gracious and move past her little suggestions...she'll be your mother-in-law forever, and it will make for a much more civil and peaceful life if you don't put yourself at war with her.

Answer 3

She's just making sure you're gonna take good care of her son, you have to remember most boys are "mama's boys" and it's hard for mama to let go. On the cooking thing, maybe there's a history of heart disease in his family to where the fatty foods may be harmful down the road, on the kitchen thing I'd listen to her advice, she's been running a household longer then you and probably knows what "flows" better...I'd just let her "advise"...and you never know she may know what she's talking about.

Answer 4

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Answer 5

Tell her son that he should talk with his mother and she should stay in her own house and leave you the hell alone. You have to put a stop to this now. right now or it will get worse. you don't have to be rude, its' just that you have to set boundaries. or move further away.

Answer 6

I'm not sure why you are home so much, but get out the house more and tell her if she wants to come by, she'll have to schedule it in...just be too busy for her.

Answer 7

Just say something nice, like, "I appreciate that you're trying to help me, but I think I can manage on my own." If the problem persists, talk to your boyfriend about it- maybe you can move, or he can speak with his mom?

Good luck with this!