I am a mother of 3 and recently this past year, I fell in love with a woman. Yes I know that's crazy, but she is so amazing and I can honestly say that I have never been happier. So my question is....how do I go about explaining this to my kids...they're 11, 6, and 5. They're starting to ask questions and I don't want to keep any secrets from them as this would lead to even more confusion then necessary. Please help! I could use a few suggestions! Thank you!
2006-12-26 09:34:03 · 19 answers · asked by akasha2578 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Four years and four months ago my daughter( left her husband of 9 years)along with her daughter. She finally faced the reality that she is lesbian and couldn't live with her husband any more.
Her daughter was 4 1/2 at the time. 9 now and fully adjusted to the situation. The two of them moved home with us for nearly 4 years and in June she moved in with her partner. She is still not divorced and her husband still keeps her insured pays generous child care and clothing and much else. They have adjusted amazingly well considering.
When and if your children ask questions give child level answers. Do not get literal with this age children. They can know that you love each other and are best friends, they will acquire more knowledge with time.
Our granddaughter has adjusted very well and loves having three homes. She is with us occasionally, with Daddy and his Mom on Wed. nights and every other weekend and every Sunday. We all stay extremely upbeat and positive. Almost no negative !
She just had 3 Christmases and loved that (But we are conservative families and spoiling is not allowed).
I think you will find that they will be much more adaptable than you think. But keep an excellent relationship with their father.
I would talk to the 11 year old first and keep it casual with the two younger ones. They will do better than you think. They will absorb most of it by osmossis, only answer question, do not volunteer things now. They will ask questions soon enough.
My son was adopted, I never told him until he was 3 or 4 and my friend was pregnant and he wanted to know if he grew in my tummy like my friend had a baby in hers. That is when I told him the whole story of his adoption. Wait for the natural curiosity.
Good Luck.
2006-12-26 10:20:24 · answer #1 · answered by ? 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The 11 yr old probably has a good idea what's up allready but sit them down and exlain that you met someone who makes you happy. Explain "happy" to your kids so they wont be confused. They will wonder why they don't make you happy. have them meet the woman and get to know each other for a while. Lot of times kids will resent anyone who is not their mom or dad. They will feel this woman is trying to take their mom's place. You need to re-inforce and reassure them this is not the case. You cannot let your kids dictate your life either. They must learn to accept change in their lives. When my hubby walked out on me and my daughter she was 6. I met a man a few yrs later and she resented him to the max. She didn't want ANY man around thast wasnt her daddy. She had trouble understanding why i didnt want her daddy back and wanted another. It took some time, but all is well now. She loves him more than her real dad because he spends more time with her than he did, etc. She learned to trust him, etc. She's 19 now.
2006-12-26 09:50:58 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
The eleven year old might be mature enough to discuss this. They have materials at the library to help explain this kind of relationship to children.
Like any other relationship, make sure it is stable and committed before you get the children involved. They will have to adjust their own feelings and warm up to the idea. If it is a fleeting affair, then the children would have to readjust again.
Be fair to the children by explaining it carefully and give them plenty of time to adjust to the information.
Good Luck!
C-F
2006-12-26 09:48:21 · answer #3 · answered by Crispy_Frog 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
"what do u mean confusion than necessary??" u tell me how u would like it if ur kids come home from school one day and say mom the kids at school said that i have 2 moms or better yet if they say i like this person that is the same sex as i am. the way i see it is that u r not thinking about ur kids feelings or well being. so why do u care to explain it to them. either way u try to explain it to them they would not understand b/c they r too little and they r use to seeing mom and dad not mom and mom. if u want to take ur children innocents away from them go right a head, but don't ask people to help u confuse those poor kids. u r their mom set the example. and please read the bible it would help u understand how confuse u r and not the kids.
2006-12-26 10:08:23 · answer #4 · answered by sweet143 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
This can be a very sensitive issue.. Ask yourself how you would have wanted explained to you as a child? Also u need not have her present when this takes place. Take the maturer child first and explain to him or her that mommie has found love w/ a women and explain why.. They may not understand but at least u love them enough to explain.. I wish u luck in your relationship and w/ ur children....
2006-12-26 09:39:24 · answer #5 · answered by HoneyBun 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
My mother and father under no circumstances reported any books ~ they did not favor to! My mum began studying to me basically some weeks after i replaced into born, and that i have loved books my finished existence. I did study a number of my mum's previous books :~ James Herriot sequence The searching of Wilburforce Pike Kim {about a cat} yet for the most section I continually chosen my personal books, and on each occasion my dad took me out we continually ended up in a e book position. He'd basically purchase me even if e book I requested for ~ I save in options him determining to purchase me authentic crime books, biographies, and parapsychology books at the same time as i replaced into 11 or 12! In widely used college we were allowed to chosen even if we wanted to study ~ although we were guided now to not chosen books too youthful for us! {at 11 I had a studying age of 15}. in truth, my mother and father extremely did basically enable me study some thing! possibly that's why i love this kind of distinct selection of books now.
2016-12-01 04:56:21 · answer #6 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you think this relationship is going to last, then answer their questions as they ask them. Your older child is going to take the heat before the other two, but he/she is still old enough to hear the truth. They may not completely understand it, but they will deal with it and hopefully accept it. Whatever you do, DON'T shut them out.
2006-12-26 09:48:36 · answer #7 · answered by Cheryl C 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Explain to your children the truth of your relationship with this woman. If you lie about the relationship it will hurt them later. Your eleven year old will understand more than your six and five year old. Be honest and do not flaunt the relationship until they are more accepting to her.
2006-12-26 09:44:40 · answer #8 · answered by Ms.Deb 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I read your question and the first thing I thought of was.........
write Rosie......don't laugh or think that I am not trying to give good advice....thinking that she is so happy and all the children she has....she would be the best to write for this advice.....
I know that she is on "The View" and she does have email....write her. Who knows....But I do bet she will have good advice on this.
only thing I would ask....Are you a single parent? Does the Dad know? What does he think? Or is he even involved?
Things to think about.
best wishes
2006-12-26 10:01:22 · answer #9 · answered by travelingirl005 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
i would definately be honest with your kids, but keep in mind they are NOT going to understand. don't provide details, tell them what they need for the truth, and nothing more. be open to their questions, and make sure that you really think about your answers. seeking some professional advice couldn't hurt.
2006-12-26 09:40:56 · answer #10 · answered by Gage's Mom 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋