I love my fiance very much and I really enjoy spending time with him, but he seems to sleep so much. It really does bother me and if I bring it up to him, he'll get bothered. To top it off his mom is paying for his house payment because he isn't working, I found out from other sources. I wish he would get up early like I enjoy doing and start looking for a job that I would feel comfortable knowing he's got a steady job before we get married next year. If my mother found out that he sleeps and doesn't have a job, she'll flip! I was raised to see the man of the house always up early and working of course. When he gets his migrains, he likes to be left alone with the bedroom door closed neglecting me, how can I let him know that I am bored with him, he doesn't even like to go out to dinner and to a movie, I don't mind doing it at the house as well but once in a while it would be nice if we could go out. I want for him to be the one but now I'm not sure. Please help!
2006-12-26 09:25:45 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Could he be depressed? People that are tend to sleep alot. If not that have him stay a way from fatty foods-they always give people fatigue. Or maybe hes just too tired, let him take a nap and then hang out.
2006-12-26 09:29:51 · answer #1 · answered by Diana 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your mother would flip because she knows that he is not going to pull his weight in the relationship. It could be due to an illness(like hormonal imbalance) in which case it is not his fault and it would only be cruel and selfish of you to nag him about it. If you feel neglected when the poor man is in excrutiating pain then you are not mature enough to be married. My husband is a hard worker but he does sometimes get migraines and the last thing I would do is worry about my being neglected over his pain. Also some people are night owls. I for example much prefer going to bed at 2 or 3 am and getting up at 9 or 10 am and I do that whenever possible. I can get some much more done that way, I have from 8pm (after dinner) to 1 or 2 am to whith no interruptions and have most energy then.
2006-12-26 09:36:33 · answer #2 · answered by scarlettt_ohara 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's tough to know if he's depressed or just lazy. He may feel pretty emasculated with an impending wedding, no job and his mother shelling out his mortgage. "Out to dinner & a movie" may make him feel guilty because he cannot pay.
However, there are parts of your question that may indicate a mismatch in lifestyles. You cannot convince someone to get up raring to go in the morning. I like to get up early Saturday morning, crank the music, bang out the chores and enjoy the rest of my weekend. My fiance thinks I'm bonkers and would rather relax Saturday and take care of it on Sunday.
Also, if you are "finding out from other sources" that his mother is paying his mortgage, are you really really ready to marry this man? Hiding in his room with legitimate migraines may be okay, but secluding himself and being secretive may just be something he prefers.
If his behavior seems like a departure from his old self, I'd encourage him to get counseling. If it's "just the way he is" you have to think long and hard if you will be happy with a reclusive, secrative man. He may come out of his shell a little, but you can't hope to change him.
2006-12-26 09:37:09 · answer #3 · answered by eli_star 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, let me get this straight. Your engaged to a man without a job who sleeps to much, and you found out from sources other than himself that his own mother is paying his house note! How many red flags have to be waved in your face before you wake up and smell the coffee? Is he williing to go to a doctor about his migrains? It doesn't sound like there is much of a future with this guy, sorry.
2006-12-26 09:32:58 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two seem to be on different pages. My recommendation is to get on the same page or put the book down. If he is a layabout now marriage will only make it worse and then you will be finanically responsible for him. And his mom might want to make you start paying for all his crap once your married, b/c you're his wife.
I am like you and I was raised like you so I know how it feels to want to move, but the people around you don't. What I did is I didn't move in with anyone who didn't go with my work ethic and mentality. I knew it would grind eventually. I am engaged to a man who is moderately lazy. He works hard, but he also stops and enjoys life. Sounds like you fiance doesn't feel like he should have to work or be prepared to support you and possibly a family some day.
Sounds also like he is depressed so if you really want to help make this work try getting him to talk about some things that are bothering him and try to offer support and help in anyway you can.
That's what we women can do for our men. Just care for them, but I strongly encourage you to let this one go if you two can't be on the same page with the same goals... trust me when I say it can seriously screw up your marriage. I've seen it happen!
2006-12-26 09:37:36 · answer #5 · answered by amanda w 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He sounds depressed. I had migraines for 31 years and they can be severe.
If you are in the house providing him everything he needs, sex, a house keeper, nursing care, cook why should he get up and do anything? His family is paying the rent. So if you like this stay, if not get out.
This is why marriage comes before living together. That line about Why buy the cow when the milk is free is oh so true.
He may need a check up at the Dr. and you may need to get out.
Just now he is not in the place to be a partner.
2006-12-26 09:35:22 · answer #6 · answered by ? 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like a tough one but I hope that you realize that things won't magically change for the better. These habits of sleeping and being lazy are hard to change and will take time when and if he is willing to change. But of course, he cannot keep living his life like this, and it's not fair to you to have to "be ok" with it and just accept it. Maybe there are underlying problems as to why he's fallen into this routine. Maybe he is depressed and if you think he is, you should suggest that he talk to someone about it because you are worried about him and love him so much you want to see him happy. Try to help him make things better and if he just flat out refuses to even try, then maybe you should start thinking about the future after marriage. Do you want to put up with this for the rest of your life?
J
2006-12-26 09:54:33 · answer #7 · answered by Jenn 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I see several issues in your questions.
You have a very traditional view of the family structure. You want him to be the "man of the house" and be the provider, rather than an equal partner. By itself, it's fine, if that is what you want, but then you have to really see, if your fiance can fill your needs.
Also, he doesn't have a job. See the previous sentence....
You really have to separate his illness from what appears to be laziness and lack of motivation. Is he physically or mentally ill, or is he just lazy? Do you know? Does he know? Do you/he want to find out?
Either way, are you prepared to see him through the process of getting better? Does he want to get better? If he doesn't, are you going to be ok?
You are seeing this as HIS problem, but once married, it will be YOUR problem.
I can understand that when he has a migraine, he wants to be by himself.
If you are thinking you can change him. THINK AGAIN. He is the only one who can change him. (NOT speaking of religious sense)
2006-12-26 09:34:10 · answer #8 · answered by tkquestion 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you're about to marry a man that suffers from depression and isn't facing it because mommy is taking care of him. I wish you the BEST of luck honey, because the only way this is going to get any better is if he seeks professional help. Living with depression affects everyone around that person and it will eventually crush you too. Either he gets help or you should move on. While I know that would hurt you, it would hurt WAY worse to stay. Trust me, I know of what I'm speaking of.
2006-12-26 09:32:09 · answer #9 · answered by fedupwithu 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He has shared you with 2 different men yet he would not sense like there is not any sacred bond. If it somewhat is all which you're able to be bothered approximately, the reality that he previous a while with different women human beings whilst searching for you, then your existence could be a peach. Congrats to you. My spouse and that i've got been 25 as quickly as we met in 1985. maximum of our single sexual reviews with others became till now lots became properly-known approximately aids. We the two had distinctive companions. i hit upon that greater of a favorable than a damaging. fs
2016-10-28 10:19:18 · answer #10 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋