I have a stepdaughter who is a JW - we have only in the last eight months started seeing her as her mother kept her away from her father. We have an agreement through the courts - part of this was to have her for five hours on christmas day to be with her family. she was not forced to celebrate christmas itself, in fact without the decorations you would hardly know it was christmas - however she did receive presents. We explained to her that these were not christmas presents, only love presents from the family who don't get to see her that often. She accepted this and enjoyed her time immensly. Later that day we received a phone call from her stepfather abusing us for giving her presents etc etc. It is my understanding from a previous conversation with an elder that presents are not strictly forbidden, only discouraged - is this correct?
2006-12-26 08:57:08 · 15 answers · asked by nicnspeedy 1 in Society & Culture ➔ Religion & Spirituality
Strictly speaking, this questioner's husband was probably within his parental rights to do as he did. The questioner was correctly informed that explaining the supposedly non-Christmas nature of the gifts would have meant that the child did not compromise her Jehovah's Witness religion in accepting them.
However, one's religion is not the same as one's conscience. It seems quite possible that the child was made to feel pressured to violate her personal conscience, and it may be that the custodial parents are hurt at the pain and regret their child now feels.
Only this questioner (and heaven) can know for certain whether the questioner actively schemed to disrespect the Jehovah's Witness religion, confuse a young child, and anger the custodial parent. It is sad when such things happen after divorce.
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2006-12-27 03:56:18 · answer #1 · answered by achtung_heiss 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Presents are not at all discouraged among JW, much less forbidden. True, we don't celebrate Christmas, and therefore don't exchange Christmas presents, but we may give and receive presents whenever we want, provided they have no holiday connotation. If you explained that the gifts you gave were not Christmas gifts, and you truly meant it, then it was ok for her to accept them (although it is ultimately the choice of the person whether they will accept or not). The stepfather likely thought the gifts were Christmas ones and got upset because of this. I don't think you have done anything wrong. At the same time, I wouldn't criticize the stepfather. Remember that he cares about his daughter and wants whats best for her. You could try to straighten things out between you and the stepfather.
2006-12-28 15:17:30 · answer #2 · answered by Von Kempelen 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You have received some excellent comment here and I hope you will take them to heart.
I'm a disfellowshipped JW (Corning CA 1982), but I'm also a father's rights advocate for 19 years, so I see both sides of the issue. My children are JW, so I don't send presents to my grandchildren on the holidays, but I do the rest of the year. Usually something loud and noisy, as it is the right of any grandparent to do. They don't live close by, so I can't have them over to fill them with sugar and send them home bouncing off the walls.
I do enjoy buying them presents in this manner, as I don't have to think about what to get them for holidays and birthdays. If I see something they might like, I buy it and send it to them, not hold it back until some special time. I did the same thing the other day for my mother, who is also a JW. She expressed an interest in astronomy, so I sent her a telescope. At 80, she and my stepfather can't get around as much. The telescope can be connected to their TV set, so that they don't have to bend over and look through the eye piece. They will get it in a few days.
Remember one thing, your stepdaughter is getting the equal of an advanced education in religion, including how to do advanced research, which will be useful as she advances in school. The stepfather may have sounded gruff, and that is something you should talk out with him, perhaps with an elder present.
2006-12-26 09:58:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 6⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough situation because, as you say, you don't get to see her often and you may feel you want to give her presents whenever you have the opportunity.
There are some Witnesses who wouldn't have objected to you giving her the presents, but some do. So my advice to you would be to simply respect the stepfather's wishes and give her presents on occasions other than birthdays, Christmas, Valentine's Day, etc. She will not mind not getting any gifts on Christmas since she's used to that, and will enjoy them on other occasions just as well.
If you are willing to cooperate with him, he will very possibly be more willing to cooperate with you, and perhaps you can all work together to do what is least stressful for your stepdaughter.
2006-12-26 09:42:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
That is correct. I commend you for lovingly respecting the Bible-based conscience of your stepdauthter. Such actions are not overlooked by Jehovah God or Jesus Christ. --Matthew 12:42.
I'm sorry that you feel "abused" by the actions of the child's stepfather. The counsel for Christians is to "always ready to make a defense before everyone that demands of you a reason for the hope in you, but doing so together with a mild temper and deep respect." (1 Peter 3:15) In addition, Jehovah's people are told, "Let all malicious bitterness and anger and wrath and screaming and abusive speech be taken away from you along with all badness," (Ephesians 4:31), and the apostle Paul shows that those failing to do so do not have God's spirit. (Galatians 5:19-24) You should know that, if your ex-husband was truly "abusing" you over the matter, then his conduct is not condoned either by Jehovah God or His Christian congregation of Jehovah's Witnesses.
Achtung Heiss has provided links to some very useful articles on the Watchtower website.
2006-12-28 22:59:19 · answer #5 · answered by Ben-Bethdaathel 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When given presents you are not forbidden to take them. It depends on the person's concience. Also if the daughter is old enough to make decisions for herself then that is fine but when dealing with a younger child you definitely have to respect the parents feelings. The family probably feels that you can give her gifts anytime....Why would you wait until around Christmas to give her these gifts? Even though you say they were gifts with love......You know they were actually just Christmas gifts. It's kind of like a coverup. I don't know about the phone call from her stepfather though.....He shouldn't have called abusing you but he probably was very upset and felt that you guys just went against what he was saying.
2006-12-26 09:03:50 · answer #6 · answered by oohLa 3 · 6⤊ 0⤋
I agree with many of the brothers and sisters here. I would not take of a xmas gift either. you could of asked her stepfather about the gifts. we as Jehovah Witnesses do give gifts doing the year and we also have parties. people think because we don't celebrate any holidays that we are losing out on the fun. we have fun doing the year. Jesus was not born on DEC 25. he told us to celebrate his death. as far as the gift, you could of waited until after the new years and given it to her. the elder had no right to go against the wishes of her stepfather since he is the head of his house without discussing it with the stepfather first
2006-12-26 12:11:53 · answer #7 · answered by lover of Jehovah and Jesus 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Simply answer the question, "What did Jesus do?" Answer: He worshiped his Father, Jehovah. (1 Peter 1:3; John 20:17) The Bible shows Jesus was the first of all Creation. Who knows how long that it was just he and Jehovah alone, before anything else was made? (John 1:4; 3:16, 18; Col. 1:15-18; Rev. 3:14) We follow Jesus in the worship of Jehovah. who do you think Jesus was praying to all those times? Who did he teach us all to pray to in the Lord's Prayer? His Father, Jehovah. Jesus is the perfect example of a Witness of Jehovah. We imitate Jesus in this. We also obey Jesus in all things. Matthew 24:14 and 28:19-20 especially comes to mind involving our ministry.
2016-05-23 08:41:24 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
How old is your step daughter?
Who is responsible for raising her you or her mother and I guess her step father?
How would you feel if someone went around you and encouraged your underage child to do something you displeased of?
"The elder" is not head of your step daughter's family. The step father is within the family arrangement..
It is the step father (if this is whom the daughter is living with) responsibility to determine what is acceptable and what is not.
Let's say you believed drinking any amount of alcohol was wrong, and an adult gave your child a "sip", and when you complained they insisted they did nothing wrong. Would you believe them?
The recieving and giving of gifts are not condemned in the bible, Celebrating pagan holidays are.
My mother who wasn't a witness, would give me "love gifts" later in the year, because she didn't want to force her beliefs on me or my children.
2006-12-26 09:19:26 · answer #9 · answered by TeeM 7 · 6⤊ 0⤋
My grandparents sent us presents in December because that was the easiest time for them to cover all the grand kids and family. It was understood that it was not for Christmas and we did not open them Christmas day... in fact we usually saved them to open on our "Family Day" where we did presents for each other and had a big family event that coincided with my parents anniversary. My father was an elder in the congregation and my mother was a full time "Pioneer" meaning her days were mostly dedicated to the ministry work. Very few Witnesses that i know would object to what you did and in fact would thank you for your kind ness. As in ANY religion there are people who take things to the extreme and possibly that is what you are facing. Please do not judge an entire relgious group based on the few fanatics that even we would consider extreme....
2006-12-28 04:39:28 · answer #10 · answered by Codi 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋