My 12 year old step son was accused by my then 4 year old of telling her to touch his pee-pee. This all happened in Feb. of this year. Ever since I am hateful to him when he is around. My husband says it is done and over with, so we are not to talk about it. I am going to counseling and my step son is going. I don't know how to handle my emotions when he is around. I dread it when it is time for him to come and I thank God when he leaves. His dad acts like he is innocent about everything, even though it was our daughter that did the accusing. I have tried telling my husband how I feel and my step son knows I do NOT trust him. Please, someone tell me how to stop feeling this way. Or do I have every right to feel this way?
2006-12-26 08:45:52 · 14 answers · asked by Jodi C 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Anyone would said this is perfectly normal for a 12 year old is nuts! Unless you're a family of nudists, there is absolutely NO reason for a 12 year old boy to be naked around a little girl, let alone telling her to touch him! Yes, a 12 year old knows that's wrong! Heck, your 4 year old knew it was wrong! Thank god you got him into counselling. I also wonder where this comes from and what might have happened to him. Hopefully the therapy is addressing that.
Why isn't the entire family in counselling? The whole family dynamic needs to be dealt with, as it's already putting a wedge between you and the boy, and no doubt between you and his father. And think how your daughter must feel--you've obviously raised her to know that it's wrong for someone to do that and she should tell an adult right away, yet when she does you just let the person you told her to be scared of keep coming to her house. From her 4 year old perspective, either she did something wrong by "telling" on something that wasn't really bad, or you are failing to protect her. How scary is that for her?
YOU don't have a problem, the whole family does. As long as they can pin the problem on you or on the boy, though, it won't get dealt with. You're not to talk about it? Oh yeah, I'm sure that will help. Real healthy for your daughter, too. It seems to me that you should have at least a little bit of family counselling, combined with the individual counselling for you and the boy.
2006-12-26 09:12:36 · answer #1 · answered by EQ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Something like that happen to me when my kids were young but it was a brother I took my kids to the hospital and thank God nothing happen because I told my brother I WOULD KILL HIM IF HE DID ANYTHING TO MY KIDS END OF STORY you are in A BAD PLACE and your husband is a fool to think you will get over it and counseling wont help you to forget just don,t leave her around him by her self my kids are 29& 30 years old now and there is not a day that goes by when Ihear my brother name i don,t think about what could have happen and I DON,T TRUST HIM the good thing is he is 12 and he may not have understued there are lines you don,t cross you have every right to feel the way you domI,m sorry that you have to live with that but the best thing is he is not there everyday good luck
2006-12-26 09:04:15 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do you understand that a twelve year old boy is a walking, raging hormone and will try to experiment sexually any way he can? No, what he did was not right and I am not trying to justify what he did, I just can't understand why you as a mother of a daughter would allow them to be alone. With that being said your frustration is warranted but to the point of hate is ridiculous. Your husband needs to acknowledge that this was wrong and deal with his son accordingly. I agree with the previous post that you are acting as if the boy is a monster and he isn't. I will bet any amount of money that you couldn't stand his son way before this happened. I would think that you need to deal with that issue first and hopefully the counselor can help you sort it out and let you see how despicable you are being. Shame on you!
2006-12-26 09:22:46 · answer #3 · answered by stacey h 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that you have every right to feel that way.
I mean but you have to look at it at both points.
What did the son say when you and his father asked him about what you 4 yr old daughter said. When a kid is that age you can tell when they are lying. But it is the age that kids are really curious on everything.
I really am sorry what you are going through. It seems to me that you husband doesn't want to come to terms with the fact that this happened. he needs to go to the therapist with you not only to support you and your feelings but he might need to get this off his chest also.
I wish you and your family the best of luck.
2006-12-26 08:50:35 · answer #4 · answered by Boo8081 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do, and you are acting naturally, after all you are a mother. You can't stop and you don't have to stop feeling that way. All you need is to be civil and keep your daughter (as you probably do now) close on hand. For the step son be civil so that he has a good training ground for him if the same thing happens to him. I hope that you did keep a watchful eye on him when he was around if you did good on you.
2006-12-26 08:52:23 · answer #5 · answered by Laela (Layla) 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You have the right to feel that way. Shoot I dont like your step son. Problem is, why is he touching your baby? Is someone touching him? Your husband needs to open his eyes and be more supportive of your feelings on this! Good luck, this will probably always be a problem in your marriage and relationship with your step son.
2006-12-26 09:00:49 · answer #6 · answered by Topaz 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the sensation I have been given out of your question, as an observer, is that in case you have been to tell me all this and that i grew to become into the step son, i could unquestionably sense which you're ATTACKING ME and attempting to locate fault in me and blame me. I additionally felt that someway you attempt to REFUSE accountability for this youngster's problems and attempting to pin it on him. If he's 17 now, he grew to become into 12 while his mom and dad have been given a divorce, an rather fragile age and he's in all probability an rather comfortable youngster which left him MANY SCARS and that i do believe he feels ABUSED abuse is provided in many types you know no longer in straightforward terms actual or sexual he's in all probability nonetheless emotionally and psychologically abused i think of you're mistreating him I propose look on the end result, his habit (addiction and so on) youngsters at the instant are not BORN this way, ''dysfunctional'' something drives them to grow to be like that existence reports traumatize them and persons in touch in those reports who then attempt to pint the finger at them and accuse them of being ''undesirable'' or ''no longer the way he must be'' MAKE HIM sense much extra harm, ALIENATED and rejected i think of you're able to desire to renounce thinking approximately your individual harm thoughts and desires and initiate giving him LOVE somewhat of grievance that's what he desires
2016-11-23 18:21:08 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
My God, he's only 12! It's normal for kids to experiment. He's not a freak or anything. He didn't harm your daughter, so you need to get over it! I'd say you have more of a problem then the kid does! I'm sure he knows he did something wrong and it probably won't happen again. You stand to ruin your marriage if you can't get a hold on this! Bet it wouldn't even be an issue if it was YOUR son that did it to his sister!
2006-12-26 08:51:51 · answer #8 · answered by wish I were 6 · 0⤊ 3⤋
everybody makes mistakes. Especially 12 yr old boys. You may not get over it for a long time, but hopefully you can see yourself, someday, getting on with life and being a happy family again.
2006-12-26 08:55:09 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are the one who is elder and needs to understand that eventhough 12 years old still he is a child..
So BE kind to him and treat him like your own son and make him understand that you are his mother and that is his little sister...
When he realises everything will be fine , You shouldn't differentiate between them, so try to give some importance to his feelings and don't threat him like your step son.
2006-12-26 08:58:22 · answer #10 · answered by rani v 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋