I smoke cigarettes. I know it's bad for me and I do want to quit eventually....
My boyfriend and I started datingabout 3 months ago. He knew I smoked when he met me he said it was OK when I asked him....slowly he started getting on me about it and thats fine too because I know he cares about me & i stopped doing it in front of him.... but then we started arguing and now I feel it's coming to an ultimatum. If it is going to come to this, do I have a right to be angry that he is demanding I change this about myself?
I dont want to tell him OK I will stop and then somewhere down the road I know I am not ready so I start again and then I will have lied to him. What is the best way to handle this?
2006-12-26 07:41:34 · 8 answers · asked by akiastatz 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I would respect him and not smoke around him but I wouln't stop unless I knew I was ready to or else you will just start again later down the line. Stopping is not that easy and since he knew you smoked when you met him it is a bit unfair. I would sit hime down and explain to him that you understand that he cares for you and you appreciate that but you don't want him hounding you about it. You will quit when the time is right for you.
2006-12-26 07:46:38 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋
When the two of you first started dating, he was probably hesitant about asking you to stop smoking because he didn't want to ask you to make a huge lifestyle change for a relationship that may or may not last. Now that it's been 3 months he probably has a good idea that he wants to stay with you and wants you to meet one of his criteria- to be a nonsmoker.
Do I think he's being too demanding? Maybe he is but maybe he isn't. I don't have enough information to fully make a decision on that. But you do say that you know it's bad and you eventually want to quit. Do you say that to him? If you do, he could feel that he is justified in pushing you to quit.
As far as you stopping now only to start later, you have to realize that smoking is a hard habit to break and many many many people stop and start again several times before eventually kicking the habit for good. What will make it easier is that you try to quit because *you* want to quit and you quit for *you* and not anybody else.
2006-12-26 16:01:08 · answer #2 · answered by CAITLIN 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
i dont think you should change anything about yourself that your not willing or not ready to...he knew you smoked and he said it wasnt a problem...but now all of a sudden its a problem...he knew this and make a choice to still start something with you and now that he dont like it anymore now he wants you to stop...yea i understand its bad for you but if your not ready to do something your not gonna commit to it and stick it threw...when your ready you will and not a moment sooner....what if you told him that you dont like him wearing his hats anymore...they annoy you...and he asked you if you liked the hats in the begining and you told him yes but now you find out that they bother the **** out of you....would you tell him not to wear his hats around you anymore....NOOOOO!!! cause he likes them and thats what he feels comfortable in....ok this might have been a really bad comparison but i'm sick and thats the best that i could do right now... but seriously...telling you that he cares abou you and that he would like you to stop is nice and sweet and caring...but to try and force you or give you an ultimatum isnt right...especially that he knew from the very begining that you smoked...hes an ***
2006-12-26 16:00:27 · answer #3 · answered by E 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, he is being too demanding and yes you should be angry with him. You should quit when you are good and ready and not because he wants you to. He knew you were a smoker and if he said that was okay he should not be changing his tune now.
I smoke myself and I know I will quit if and when I choose to and not because someone demands it of me.
2006-12-27 18:50:45 · answer #4 · answered by Karen L 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can see both sides. He knew you were a smoker and chose to date you. He was probably hopeful that he could get you to stop...definitely a mistake on his end.
However, I wouldn't even consider dating a smoker and maybe he didn't know how much it would bother him until you two were seeing each other regularly.
If you don't think you'll stop, be truthful and tell him that you both should move on. If you really think he's worth having and see a possible future with him, maybe you should think about the benefits of quitting.
2006-12-26 15:46:31 · answer #5 · answered by schweetums 5 · 0⤊ 2⤋
Stop smoking.
It is nasty to kiss a smoker.
If a woman smokes it is not cheating for him to screw around with another woman. You have no right to ask him to only be with you and only have sex with you when you have such a habit that makes it difficult to kiss you.
It doesn't matter that you did it originally, maybe he didn't think it would be so bad. Here it is now up to you to preserve the relationship if you really care about him.
Also keep in mind that it is not cheating on his part if he screws another girl if you gain weight as the result of your quitting.
2006-12-26 15:56:16 · answer #6 · answered by bluto blutarsky2 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Does he mean more to you than your smokes.If everything else is ok think about quitting.Its not a bad idea.Dont lie.
2006-12-26 15:47:19 · answer #7 · answered by Honest Injun 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
ha hell yeah
2006-12-26 15:46:56 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋