Have you ever been truly afraid of a man you're in a relationship with?

Question

I mean desperately afraid of him... like in the situation where you have gone through so much abuse that you end up having all sorts of mental - emotional problems like anxiety, panic and depression. If so... how did you deal with it? Especially after the fact, when you have gotten out of the relationship and still find yourself a little scared of the opposite sex - at least the ones that you don't know very well. In other words, how is the best way to put the past behind you and not be afraid of strange men?

Answer 1

Yes, I was in a bad marriage for a lot of years with a man who has borderline personality disorder. This made him do unpredictable things like pull a gun on me because I didn't make his sandwich right.

Anyway, I knew that all men were not that way (most men) and that I didn't deserve to be frightened or treated so badly - neither did our children (but that's a different story).

I finally decided that if I didn't leave him I would die of depression and anxiety. I was a nervous wreck all of the time and walking on eggshells for years.

The end result is that I left, moved out of town, got a new job, a new house and a new life with a man who truly loves me and treats me well. The panic attacks stopped and the depression is gone. I am well and as happy as I can be. I only wish that I'd done it sooner.

I know that you're thinking that it can't be that easy, but it is. You just do it. If I did it, any woman can. You do not deserve to be afraid in your own home - or intimidated by other men. There are wonderful men out there who will cherish you and what you have to give will be appreciated. You now know the difference between good guys and the jerks who will do nothing but ruin your life.

Go slowly and stay within your comfort level. Trust your instincts when dealing with other men (and women too for that matter). You will see that most people are fundamentally good and want to help you. Ask for help and be grateful, you will see how many women have been there and will guide you back.

Good luck and God bless!

Answer 2

I have very, very limited experience with this, but I'll give it a try. I think that, yes, a non-trans person CAN love a trans person. I think that if your current gf is respectful of the gender you identify as, that's a good sign. I also think that if she is doing subtle things that let you know maybe she isn't 100% ok with your gender, then you should ask her. Maybe she doesn't realize she's doing it. Maybe she has deep-seeded gender issues of her own that she's projecting onto you. Maybe she's not thinking about how it comes across. It may in fact have nothing to do with your situation at all, but be entirely about her. You won't know unless you ask. Communication is key. It sounds like the two of you are really into each other. I hope it works out for you. ETA: Wow, Marvin. "Bitter"? "Angry"? I thought adoptees had that market cornered. I'd LOVE to see you go spend some time in the adoption section, just to watch the adult adoptees rip you to shreds.

Answer 3

You will always be afraid,i had a very bad experience with a Latino man,mental,physical and sexual abuse,it's been 18 years since then i Can't forget or get over it because it had a big impact on my life. He even took our 8 month old baby to a picnic one of the time that he was cheating and my baby got burnt my son is now 17 and he had 7 plastic surgeries since then to fix his face,still not done!! but all this made me stronger I don't trust men anymore,but most likely when you start a new relation that would have to be the first thing that you need to let them know, (I'm here to love and be loved) let them know that you are NOT willing to take NO kind of abuse!! everybody is different and you will find someone,give your self a chance, you will always remember but you will definitely be more careful in choosing a man.

Answer 4

You need to truly believe in you. You have been through so much and time has healed some however you still suffer the consequences of the pain and hurt. That is where trusting your instincts are so important and if that is a problem seek counselling. If you like self help books start reading some good ones (I cant think of the one I have read, wish I could) These books can be very insightful. Do not think yourself odd because you are not you are a survivor of abuse no longer a victim,,,good luck

Answer 5

I know this will sound a bit cliche, but I would really consider therapy. You're probably going through what's called Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. If you have nightmares or recurrent memories ("flashbacks") about the abuse, it can really make it hard for you to move on. Journalling about your feelings as well as finding someone you can trust to confide in and talking it out can be helpful as well. I hope you are getting some kind of help for your depression/anxiety symptoms also. There's a lot of great self-help literature out there if you'd rather try something yourself. I wish you well.

Answer 6

If you live in one of the ~40 states where law abiding citizens have the right to carry a concealed weapon then you should get the training and get the permit. If you live in Vermont, you do not need a permit. What are you going to do if he smashes in the door, ask him to wait while you call the police? You should not "put the past behind you." Learn from life, you were lucky enough to live through it, why throw the lesson away.
Lesson 1) All men are dangerous-try to figure out which ones are actually going to use their superior physical strength against you.
Lesson 2) Humans are tool users-learn how to use the tools you need to protect yourself from animals that are stronger than you, tools like pistols and shotguns.

Answer 7

The only thing that helps me is therapy. It takes time and work to get over abuse. Take it one day at a time and do something good for yourself at least once a day. Concentrate on you and you feeling better. A therapist can help you find out how to do that and how to know you deserve a great life without abuse. Good luck.

Answer 8

I was truly afraid of my husband, especially when he was in one of his rages and was driving. He was never physically abusive, but mentally abusive. He died. As soon as you detect ANY behavior in a man that relate to your past, end the relationship. It'll only get worse.

Answer 9

I went through it twice. You just have to get back out there and enjoy yourself. It will take time to trust men, but, you'll have fun in the mean time at least. Eventually you'll get over it. Whenever you are with a man, and he becomes in the least way aggressive, get rid of him. It will only get worse.

Answer 10

Once you find someone you think you might want to have a relationship with, talk to him and let him know the anxieties you are having and why. He will understand. The first thing you need is communication.