My girlfriend of 1 year has a 9 year old. We get along well until it is time for discipline. He is rather spoiled and dosen't listen very well. What can I do to help and / or increase my chances of having him respect me and like me at the same time.
2006-12-26 07:29:06 · 24 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
The key is be continue being a friend but do make "lines" in which not to cross, because you are an adult. Experts suggest that stepparents start out in a supportive role and then, as they gain their step-kids trust and respect, move into more of a disciplinarian role. Since younger kids see most adults as disciplinarians, they often accept stepparents into that role more quickly than teens do. Step-parenting can be made easier by giving and receiving support from their spouses - parents should work as a united front. By engaging in activities together, stepparents can create a bond with their step-kids which with strengthen the entire family.
2006-12-26 07:35:18 · answer #1 · answered by sarabmw 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First your girlfriend and you need to discuss your role within their family. You need to discuss how things go whenever her child needs discipline because it is HER child. You need to let her be the mother, but also put your two cents in as well. Because if you don't- the child will never feel like he/she should have to listen to you, but you also don't want to put all your weight forward and piss them off.....Your girlfriend needs to talk with her kid as well though and make him understand you're apart of her life and that makes you someone he/she needs to mind and respect. If the kid isn't told what to think or do from the biological parent- you basically have no chance.
2006-12-26 07:36:49 · answer #2 · answered by answers4questions 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Just make sure your girlfriend and you are on the same page. Don't let the child play you off one another. A strong united front really is the way to go. I've been a step child and a step mother. It's not going to always be easy even if the child is well behaved. If you get a child that can play off of you, her mom or her dad, it can get hard to deal with. Prayer works too.
2006-12-26 07:36:15 · answer #3 · answered by jerrys_love 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Probably the first step is talking to his mother and the two of you getting on the same page when it comes to discipline. It's important that you have a unified front here, and there isn't one of those good cop bad cop scenarios. That just teaches the child to manipulate to get their way. Don't ignore them, that's terrible advice. They'll then turn to other ways to seek your attention, ways you'd likely not want to deal with. it's important to get down to his level and make eye contact. not in a threatening intimidating way, but to let him know that you're connecting to him... The spoiling is a hard issue to deal with, as it's usually very difficult to reverse the effect. It's easy to become accustomed to having everything handed to you, and when that is taken away, or there is a perceived threat to that dependency, hostility often ensues...
Good luck!
2006-12-26 07:36:26 · answer #4 · answered by skyzefawlun 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Of course he is isn't going to listen to you, he has to learn to respect you first. You should not be disaplining your GIRLFRIEND'S child, you guys aren't married and the kid is not yours. You have only been together a year. The kid likely thinks you are the devil anyway. Why don't you make your girlfriend do the displine and you be a mentor.
2006-12-26 07:38:31 · answer #5 · answered by averyanne77 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Remember this is her child not yours. She has to be responsible for discipline and follow through with it. You have no say in how he is raised unless you are going to legally be the step-dad. If he does not respect you now and she doesn't make him, I would say "adios" and find someone better suitable for you. Best of luck!
2006-12-26 07:34:48 · answer #6 · answered by gettin it 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
consitancy. talk to your girlfriend. respect her wishes when it comes to discipline. when you both come to an agreement, she cannot interfere with your appropriate discipline. once she does that....he will see her as a referee to whine to. it's best that any say you have, is said with her in the room, but pretty much ignoring the issue at hand. this way....it shows you have standing in the house. if you or her have a problem with any issuance of discipline, YOU DO NOT discuss it in front of the child. NOT EVEN IN THE SAME HOUSE. i am actually trying to encourage my husband to say something to his stepchildren when they do something he does not agree with. they are to be treated just as his own children. and let go of that "like me at the same time" theory. that will come in time.
2006-12-26 07:38:47 · answer #7 · answered by Bella 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Aaron:
It sounds as though your relationship started without ground rules with regard to her son and your physical presence in the household assuming you are living there. You are in a tough position. So; you have to ask yourself do you have enough love for the both of them and if you do then say to her to try to remember that love comes also in tough packages as well and that it is not all gingerbread.
2006-12-26 08:37:51 · answer #8 · answered by Fresh choice 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kids that are being told no or to do something they dont want to do are not going to like you (at that moment). You have to decide if you want to be a parent or his friend. If you are his friend don't expect him to carry out any rules from you. If you are his parent expect there will be times he wont like you, but if you are consistent with discipline over time he will respect you. (But he will still have times he doesnt like you)
2006-12-26 07:33:47 · answer #9 · answered by Dovahkiin 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
be consistent with the discipline. Have a consequence for every naughty thing the kids do. Don't give in to them.
2006-12-26 07:31:02 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋