And the Lord spoke to Noah: ''In six months I'm going to make it rain until the whole earth is covered with water and all the evil people are destroyed. But I want to save a few good people, and two of every kind of living thing on the planet. I am ordering you to build Me an Ark.''
And in a flash of lightning He delivered the specifications for an Ark.
''Okay," said Noah, trembling in fear and fumbling with the blueprints.
''Six months, and it starts to rain,'' thundered the Lord. ''You'd better have my Ark completed, or learn how to swim for a very long time.''
And six months passed. The skies began to cloud up and rain began to fall. The Lord saw that Noah was sitting in his front yard, weeping. And there was no Ark.
''Noah," shouted the Lord, "where is my Ark?'' A lightning bolt crashed into the ground next to Noah, for emphasis.
''Lord, please forgive me," begged Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems. First I had to get a building permit for the A
2006-12-26 07:23:38 · 15 answers · asked by caseyagain 2 in Entertainment & Music ➔ Jokes & Riddles
Ark construction project, and your plans didn't meet code. So I had to hire an engineer to redraw the plans. Then I got into a big fight over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system. My neighbors objected claiming I was violating zoning by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from the city planning commission.
Then I had a big problem getting enough wood for the Ark because there was a ban on cutting trees to save the spotted owl. Then the carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the National Labor Relations Board before anyone would pick up a saw or a hammer. Now we got 16 carpenters going on the boat, and still no owls.
Then I started gathering up the animals, and got sued by an animal rights group. They objected to me taking only two of each kind. Just when I got the suit dismissed, EPA notified me that I couldn't complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on your pro
2006-12-26 07:24:20 · update #1
proposed flood.
Then the Army Corps of Engineers wanted a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe. And the IRS has seized all my assets claiming I'm trying to avoid paying taxes by leaving the country, and I just got a notice from the state about owing some kind of use tax. I really don't think I can finish your Ark for at least another five years,'' Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear. The sun began to shine. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up and smiled.
''You mean you're not going to destroy the earth?'' Noah asked, hopefully.
''Wrong!'' thundered the Lord. ''But being Lord of the Universe has its advantages. I fully intend to smite the earth, but with something far worse than a flood. Something man invented himself.''
''What's that?'' asked Noah. There was a long pause, and then the Lord spoke:
''Government.''
2006-12-26 07:24:51 · update #2
*I'm not making fun of religion, I'm making fun of the country. I'm a very religious person, actually.*
2006-12-26 07:36:35 · update #3
thumbs up.... if i could give one
2006-12-26 07:25:36 · answer #1 · answered by Yahoo! Yamster 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
genesis 7:2-4
2 Take with you seven [a] of every kind of clean animal, a male and its mate, and two of every kind of unclean animal, a male and its mate, 3 and also seven of every kind of bird, male and female, to keep their various kinds alive throughout the earth. 4 Seven days from now I will send rain on the earth for forty days and forty nights, and I will wipe from the face of the earth every living creature I have made."
more then just 2
the [a] is : or 7 pairs
hmm i dont even know how i got into this section, i thought i was in the religious section. meh. funny though^^
2006-12-26 07:26:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
those photos are of needless to say happening mountain constructive properties. between the bigger ones is termed the ark, on the same time as all of the same formed, smaller ones are omitted. it particularly is been debunked through creationists and scientists alike.
2016-12-15 08:30:41 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seen this before, a couple of years ago. I guess it's making its rounds again. Whoever wrote it did a good job though.
2006-12-26 07:27:37 · answer #4 · answered by cajunrescuemedic 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Working in the world of construction - I would say... Absolutely!
2006-12-26 07:25:36 · answer #5 · answered by gold 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That's funny, but you really shouldn't make fun of religion. It pisses people off faster than anything else in the world.
2006-12-26 07:26:26 · answer #6 · answered by bkendalsven 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Funny. But be careful when you joke about religion!
2006-12-26 09:22:04 · answer #7 · answered by cats 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you know your construction field!@~
2006-12-26 07:59:29 · answer #8 · answered by nswblue 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hhehehehehe! Kool! I liked it!!!
2006-12-26 07:35:25 · answer #9 · answered by funmzire 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fantastic! Thank you!
2006-12-26 07:27:31 · answer #10 · answered by happy_southernlady 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
LOL it is really long tho
2006-12-26 10:52:51 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋