how can i get my 18 month old to sleep by himself?

Question

every night i have to lie in bed with my 18 month old for at least a half hour for him to go to bed, then i have to sneak out of the room. he sleeps with me and my husband EVERY NIGHT! i try to let him cry himself to sleep but my husband says thats child abuse. the longest we've let him cry is maybe 15 minutes, but he just screams at the door. i dont know what to do. please help.

Answer 1

sit in the bedroom with him first and settle him down...then leave..when he cries wait for 5 min go in again and tell him its bedtime and he needs togo to sleep...do this every 5 min for the first 15...then every 10 min for the next 1/2 hour...15 min the next 2 hours...ok i know this sounds like a long time but it will work in 3 to 4 days....my son was the same way , every nite at bedtime i dreaded it.. i cried myself to sleep it was horrible...he needs to sleep in his own room and the longer you wait the harder it will be....if u dont want to try this talk to your pediatrician....its important for your health and the babies. good luck

Answer 2

That is not child abuse, We had similar problem 1st night we let him cry an hour and he fell asleep on the floor, but he wasn't daft because he pulled his duvet and pillow with him,. the next couple of nights about half an hour and he did the same thing. Nights 3,4 & 5 he went for about 15 minutes and night 6 he cried 10 minutes and then got back into bed. Night 7 he didn't even bother getting out of bed and hasn't in the last 3 years!!! It was heartbreaking at the time but the habit had to be broken because baby number 2 was on the way. He slept better after in his own bed and so do we. Baby number 2 was put straightback in her bed first time she tried getting in and we never had the problem.

Answer 3

First of all letting him cry is not child abuse. Now if he is crying because he is hurt or hungry then that is a different story. i am sure that you have tryed some of the stuff I am about to say. Make sure he is really ready to fall asleep. If he is then 15 minutes of crying should wear him out enough to cry himself to sleep. Play with him alot unitl about 1/2 hour to an hour before bedtime. (Let him release his energy) Then grab a bottle or a sippy cup whichever you prefer or breastfeed, and a book. Go into his room (with the lights out except a night light or something or enough light to read. Read a story. This should make sure he is not overstimulated before bed. He might just fall asleep before you actually put him down. It will be hard at first, but if you stick to this routine or set another routine in place then sooner or later it will work. Hopefully sooner.
Good luck.

Answer 4

I went thru the same thing with my child too.... It doesn't sound like much of a problem, but in reality it is. It was something that I was allowing to happen. You just have to be very strong and put him in his own bed, give him a kiss goodnight, tell him you will see him in the morning, then close the door and walk away. The first night with mine, my heart was breaking and it took an hour for him to fall asleep. The next night there still was crying, as there was the third night. It just kept getting less and less and he finally learned that I would not be rescuing him and that he was to go to sleep. It is not fair for you or your husband to have your toddler sleeping in bet with you every night. Good luck.

Answer 5

i don't think that having your child in your room is a very good idea, you should try to put him in his own room and gradually settle him into his room, (he will make noise but that's just what children do) it can take up to about 3 weeks. Establish a good routine with him and it will all pay of in the end. When he is in his room and / or cot you can stay with him but not hold him or rock him (do allow cuddles but say that he needs to lay down and sleep be firm if you want this work ) for the first few nights. Then gradually move to the door and then outside the door as long as he knows that you or your husband are near he should be fine, very soon you will find that he will settle and you will be able to just put him down and enjoy some time with your husband without your child screaming.
Good luck. xx

Answer 6

We did the 'hug and retreat' method which is much kinder for everyone involved. You basically spend each night getting further and further away until you are outside the door. It shouldn't be too stressful for you but try to do it at a time when you will not mind getting disturbed sleep. Start off by holding his hand next to his bed. Get your own chair and a blanket and gradually move the chair nearer the door so he can still see you. If he cries a little go back and touch him, reassure him and then move away again. This takes a fair amount of patience but once he has learned to fall asleep by himself it will help him if he wakes up in the night. Once you've established the bedtime routine you can apply the same technique for nightime until he learns to go back to sleep by himself.

Answer 7

Hi i have a 19month old boy who we have had very little problems with him sleeping he has been in his own room since he was 3 months old and has been in a junior bed for the last 6 months. On the occational night s we had problems we have let him cry his self to sleep and useally he is asleep with in half an hour. You need to get him out of sleeping with you and your husband or you will never stop him. It will be very hard but please persist in it and be patient for your son your doing him no favours giving in to him. You and your husband deserve some quality time together and your not even getting this in your own bed. Good luck and i hope this helps

Answer 8

I know exactly how you feel. I share a room with my daughter which made it quite difficult. When she was 14 months, I finally just started sleeping on an air mattress in the family room and let her cry in her crib. After about fifteen minutes, she'd fall back asleep. The first night she woke up twice. The first time she woke up, my mother went in to calm her. The second time she woke up, I ignored her and she fell back asleep on her own a few minutes later. The next night, she woke up at the same time (when my mom had gone in to see her), but she didn't wake up the second time again. So I ignored her when she woke up and the next night she slept straight through.

I know it's hard to ignore the screams, but it's something you have to do. It's not abuse and it's not going to harm him in any way. He will not feel deprived or ignored. I am also wondering if he is already in a toddler bed since you say he comes to your door. If he is, you might want to try moving him back into his crib (if he climbs out, buy the mesh tent to go on top so he can't get out). It should only take a few nights to get him sleeping through the night and it isn't as bad as you think it will be. Once it's done. it's done.

Just don't make the mistake I did. I let my daughter sleep with me one night after we did all this (she was sick, poor thing) and now she's refusing to sleep without me again. I am about to start this whole technique over again.

Also....try this with naptime at first. My daughter would need to rocked for her naps too. I started this technique with naps and moved on to bedtime after a few days.

Good luck. I hope this all works out for you.

Answer 9

practically speaking - you have allowed your child to dictate his bedtime routine.

Here's what we did with our son at a younger age than that.

feed, bath, change and ensure that your son will be comfortable. Do not give him a bottle in bed - a soother if he needs one is fine, and one stuffed toy if he needs one.
sing, read or cuddle with your son for the usual amount of time alloted by you, not him (ie 5 - 10 - 15 min or whatever - we never lengthened it beyond that).
settle your son in his crib or bed for the night, whisper "i love you pumpkin, it's time for sleep now", kiss him and turn out the light and leave the room.
He will cry and carry on. If he gets up, without a word, you pick him up, walk him back to his room and place him in bed without turning on the light and tell him "it's time for sleep now, I love you"

repeat as necessary. Believe me - without interaction and with these actions on your terms, it will work. Your son will cry and carry on. This is NOT child abuse - it's gently letting your son know that he must learn to fall asleep on his own.
Don't give him a drink or a snack, don't give him anything he wants. Follow a very strict routine and he will tire of the game eventually.

If he's still in a crib, it's even easier. Simply wait 15 minutes while he cries, then open his door, don't turn on the light, say "mommy's here, it's time for sleep now I love you and goodnight", then close the door gently and allow him to make the decision to cry or sleep. Repeat as necessary, but always allow a few more minutes each time.

It may take several nights for him to get the hang of it. But trust me - it will work - so long as you stick to it and don't let it get the better of you.
If you continue to allow his current behaviour, all he will have learned is that he can get whatever he wants from you so long as he is persistant. It will be one of the hardest things for you and your husband to do, but be patient - it will work and your son will NOT be scarred for life - he will be a healthy happy child who knows he is loved because he has secure boundaries that you have set for him.

Answer 10

let him cry! It's not child abuse. Do you give him everything he needs? I bet you do. I made sure my kid's were clean, dry, and full. Also I made sure they didn't sleep all day. So at night they'd be sleepy in the night. You need the night time to rest. I let my kid's cry themselves to sleep. It's all good. They are 38, 36, and 34. Alive and well. Besides that, the child knows he's controlling you. One, or two nights of crying himself to sleep he'll get the picture of who's the boss. Which should be you right?

Answer 11

The best way is to let him cry himself to sleep. It's not child abuse. Usually after one night of doing it, they don't do it the next night. My daughter slept in her crib though since day one. It was hard, but it is so nice now that she's two and she's never slept with us once. Most of the time she goes to bed without crying. We just went through a spell where she wanted us right in the room and we would sit right next to her crib until she went to sleep. That just got tiring. So, we let her cry herself to sleep. We would go in every 10-15min. to reassure her that everything was ok, that we were still there. The first night she screamed so much she threw up. We cleaned her up and rocked her. The second night she cried and when she screamed we would go in and say "no screaming. You lay down and go to sleep. We love you, but it's night night time." We did this for about a half hour (I think we went in there about 3 times to reassure her). The the third night she did a little pouty face (but I ignored it) and we left the room and she went right to sleep. Last night she asked to go to bed. The best thing is to let them cry themselves to sleep, but check on them every once in a while. I've heard to lengthen the time. So, start with 5min., then 10min., then 15min. and so on. Don't pick him up. Just go in and let him know you're still there. This worked well with my daughter. Good luck!!