Should I go on?

Question

I met this girl of my life a year ago from another country, we got very close and she suggested that we get engaged.

And we did so in 6 months after we first got together. Everyone in my world was informed of this 'fabulous' piece of news.

She went back to her home country soon after. Her father objected our relationship. She asked me to wait while she tries to persuade Daddy. I agreed.

I visited her in the 10th month and we had great fun. A year passed since we are together, I made a few mistakes that pissed her off, but I was deeply and sincerely apologetic to that. (I was faithful throughout)

She recently told me that she seriously thought about us. She felt that she likes me, but she is not sure if she loves me. She admitted sometimes think about her ex. She added that she wanted to call her ex but she did not do so, because she still has me. She apologised for being so selfish. I told her I still love her. Should I go on? She still have feelings for me..

I really love her so I always respect her opinions Everyone I know is expecting my marriage because of the big engagement declaration that she suggested. My family doesn't know these issues (including Daddy's problem with me).. I lied to my family because of her. I am shamed with guilt everyday.

I am now planning another trip to visit her. A few days ago, I asked her if she honestly still wants to see me in person. She said 'YES' and that's what gave me the strength to go on.

Here is something that I hesitated to add... she confessed that she initially thought an international marriage would be cool and that our proposed eventual marriage would grant her Permanent Residence in a foreign country that she likes.

I feel that if I let go of this, I will never be able to trust a girl again ever... it will be so difficult for me to stand up once more... and I have to leave my workplace because my colleagues are so happy for me. I have no idea how to explain this to my family.

I am now living a double-life, one pretending to be a happily engaged man, the other, deeply entrenched in a dark world of self-misery...

Answer 1

I think you should totally go on.If both of you did nothing wrong to hurt each other just keep it that way.And dont make any mistakes to make her want to call her ex.Cause obviously you did something to make her think about that.But if you have feelings for her and she has feelings for u i dont think you should split.

Answer 2

I would end it, if I were you. Her feelings are obviously stronger for the ex than for you. You deserve better. You deserve someone who will give you her whole heart, not a piece of it. At least she is being honest about her feelings, not many people would do that. Maybe she is just trying to let you down easy. Good luck with this, I hope you find someone who loves you only.

Answer 3

iv been here and done that. I hate to say this but it may hurt you more if you hold on , by letting go , you may not get hurt near as bad. If she has any doubt that she loves you then you don't need to be with her. No matter what she says it will always be in the back of your head," does she really love me". It sounds like she is uncomfortable with herself so she looks for guys to help her and now that she has someone who truly loves her she cant handle it, maybe she is scared or maybe she's been hurt before. I am so very sorry for all of this but i know how it feels.
hope it helps,
Samantha

Answer 4

First off, I am sorry you are going through this. She stated to you she wasn't sure if she loves you. That is a huge deal. Decide whether you want to give your heart and potential marriage to someone who is unsure. Although it is VERY difficult for you as I can tell you are in love, I think you'd be better off bidding her farewell as she doesn't seem to share your feelings.
GOOD LUCK! Remember, there are so many other honest chicks out there. And be glad she is telling you this now as opposed to later, when it would absolutely destroy a marriage.

Answer 5

I do not think you should stay with her. If she really wanted to be with you she would not care what her Dad says. You are putting your life on hold and getting nothing for it. Move on before you lose so many years waiting for her to be ready (or not ready). Just tell your family it didn't work out and you guys split up. Or tell her if she wants to be with you it has to be now and you are not waiting any longer...don't let her sweet talk you into waiting any longer....you only have one life and can't waste it waiting forever. You already have been patient for so long.

Answer 6

Let her go. Love gives you a stronger and deeper jolt than you are getting with her. Love knows itself when it sees or feels it's way coming. And it makes you feel good and at home with the person. If it hurts you or makes you sick at your stomach, you may just be in love with love. Go the other direction!

Answer 7

Well that is up to you. If you want to spend the rest of your life trying to make this relationship work and until she's ready to marry you or until she found someone, go for it. If not, move on.

Answer 8

Big clue here:

"She admitted sometimes think about her ex. She added that she wanted to call her ex but she did not do so, because she still has me."

Dump her. Run away. Quickly.

Answer 9

Unless you want the ex boyfriend to be a problem for the rest of your life, I would not go on, been there....

Answer 10

This may sound very silly but i really feel that the "girl" in the question is in... fact you.