I have a great job, great family, great friends and a fiance that lives 2000 miles from me. He wants me to move there to be with him and I am completely torn up over it because of everything I listed in the first paragraph. I really do love him and he loves me. He offered to come here and I mistakenly told him not to because I thought it would be too hard for him here to find work and because he's from the city and I didn't think he would like it.
Now I have to make the decision to move and I am so close to my parents who have no one else to help them if I leave. My fiance says I can come back anytime I want to visit but I don't know how we will afford that. I'm getting old, too! I'm 35 and I want children.
Is there anyone out there that has faced this problem? I know so many people that left the area and then came back to take care of an ailing parent. How can I leave now?
People keep telling me I have to live my life - but I feel a huge gap in my life when....
2006-12-26 06:34:46 · 6 answers · asked by SelfGrill 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think about moving away and missing out on the opportunity to be close to my family.
I also have a really good job that pays very well and people are always telling me how hard it is to find work. I have it! And it's good and I like it.
But I love this man!
2006-12-26 06:36:02 · update #1
He offered to move and told me it was critical at that point that I decide what he should do. I felt so much pressure at that point, that I told him he should not do it. So, now it is up to me because he is not going to reopen this discussion about him coming to me.
2006-12-26 08:03:48 · update #2
You are in a tough spot. Women tend to live closer to their families. Don't feel like you "owe" your parents something. If they truly love you, they would not want you to miss the opportunity of a lifetime.
Could you find employment easily where he lives? Could he find it where you are?
You have many decisions to make. Aren't there any men within a 100 mile radius of you? Why chose one so far away? Well, I've known married couples and the choice of where they will live often comes down to who will make the most money at a given job. I've know of both men and women who follow this philosophy. So, if you want an "easy" choice based on finances, then make that choice.
2006-12-26 07:13:48 · answer #1 · answered by Thundercat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is your life you have to make the choices that you feel are best for you. Sometimes they can eat you up inside. Parents don't want to be a burden on grown children. They only want what is best for them(you).
Have a heart to heart talk with your parents and let them know how you feel. Listen to them and that may help you with your decision.
You should also do the same thing with your fiance. He may decide he wants to move where you are. There is no possible way to know until he can check things out in the area you live. He will need to see what job opportunities are their and also the cost of living.
2006-12-26 16:14:41 · answer #2 · answered by Chillin-it 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said you "mistakenly" told him not to move to where you are -- maybe you should reopen that question with him and see how open he would be to that suggestion. Does he have family there? Has he even given where you live a chance (you say you didn't think he would like it.) If your stress level is this high just THINKING about the issue, going there is not going to make a good relationship for you, because that stress will NOT go away. Believe me -- while the distances were not as great, I went through the same with my (now) husband -- who kindly moved in with me because I simply could not move far from my aging mother. (20 years married now!) Good luck!!
2006-12-26 15:57:53 · answer #3 · answered by Yahzmin ♥♥ 4ever 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a choice that you can only make - but, you say you love this man - here is a chance for you to have your own family - meaning a husband, perhaps children. i know you feel for your parents - but, they do have each other - and, think about it, if they never had you, they would be on their own as they got older. getting old doesn't necessarily mean sickness - it just means getting older. it's a beautiful, normal thing. you will not be that far away from your parents, in this day and age, you can travel anywhere in a heartbeat. follow your heart on what YOU want to do - don't make parents or fiance make up your mind - clearly think of what makes YOU happy - don't feel guilty which ever way your heart pulls you. just be true to yourself - it's the only way YOU'LL know. whatever has happened to other people in their decisions, doesn't mean that's the way it's going to be for you. good luck in whatever you decide.
2006-12-26 16:05:47 · answer #4 · answered by try 2 help 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well see if you can find a job out where he lives that pays as good or better than the current one. If not then have him move there. He can find some work.
2006-12-26 15:27:14 · answer #5 · answered by Biker 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Believe me,, Moving away is not easy, my personal life lesson is stay where you are,, family is more important. If he really loves you then he will come to you.
2006-12-26 15:25:22 · answer #6 · answered by mark j 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋