Is my family being fair?

Question

A few members of my family are visiting for the holiday and they want to go on a trip to the beach. I do not want to go out with them because I just don't feel like and further more I feel like I am always obligated to go wherever they go when they visit. I am 23 yrs old and I feel like I should be able to make my own decisions. I pay my own bills etc so I am not living with parents or anything. I am just visiting my parents as well for the holidays. My parents especially my father (its his relatives) wants to treat me like a child and insist that I go. I think they need to realize that I am grown and independent and should be free to do whatever I want. Do you think I should go and are they being fair? Thanks.

Answer 1

Put your insecurities aside and go. You will not feel pain, this is not sugary.
Your feelings of being treated like a baby and such is your youth. Your only 23, (BTW at your age I had a family and was truly independent and did not get a chance to go to the holidays with family) being selfish in youth is something that the young do.
This would make your father happy and, well, when your father is passed on you will look back on this and think it was such a little thing...
Independent is a very loose term at your age. From what you wrote up there it doesn't sound as if you are very independent. Independence is more then just financially, it is a thought process. At this age and from you wrote up there you are still very much dependent on your family...which by the way is not a bad thing.
This is not a punishment, you are not in trouble for anything. Your father just wants you part of the family activity.
Go and no your family is not being unreasonable. Why did you go to your families for the holidays ? You could have staid at home and did your own thing...

Answer 2

You are not a child but in the eyes of you relatives you are and there is nothing that you can do to change this. As far as feeling obligated to go to the beach with them you do not have to go and you should not let them make you feel guilty about not going. Tell them very politely that you want them to have a good time on their visit but that you will meet up with them later in the day and visit with them and maybe go out to dinner with them or meet at a family members house with them for a family gathering. But under no circumstances should you allow them to bully you it is not fair so if they are that pushy you may have to be a little more firm and hopefully they will respect you for it.

Answer 3

Assert your Independence but do it in a manner which won't cause a rift. Tell dad, "I'm not sure whether i want to go or not. I will let you know when I have made up my own mind. If I don't go, maybe we can get together at my place later on." (or something to that affect) Don't argue the matter, just let him know you will think on it and get back to him if you don't have plans of your own. Also remember, you have the rest of your life to do what you want and daddy and family might not be here much longer. You have to decide what's more important - your Independence or making daddy happy and creating good memories to make you smile after daddy and/or family members are no longer with you.

Answer 4

Well, its the holidays and they probably just want to do things as a family. I think you should go; its only 1 day out of the year. You still have 364 more days to be on your own.

Answer 5

one thing you can always be sure of ;you will always be a child in your parents home and that's a fact.If you don't like the traditions your family partakes in every year and you feel like exerting your independence is worth being away from them then go off on your own and don't participate.one day you will cherish these simple pleasures with them for all good things come to an end.

Answer 6

It is reasonable that your family expects you to (want to) join them on family events during the holidays, but is would be unreasonable for them to expect that you HAVE to go, or that every event they choose will be to your liking. Remember, for them, the issue is not about your independence, but about spending time together as a family.

Express to your family that while you do want to spend time with them, you do not want to attend this particular event (you can offer specific reasons such as weather, health, etc, but you don't have to, and you shouldn't go into emotionally charged reasons like their insistence or your independence).
Offer to spend time with them at a different event, and offer a choice of two things that YOU would enjoy (and that they might also enjoy).

Answer 7

I think for Christmas, you should be with your family. Christmas is more of a family holiday. But for New Years I think you are grown and independent enough to make your own decisions. I think it would be unfair for them to tell you that you need to spend New Years with the family. Compromise and spend Christmas with them, and tell them it's only fair if you get to decide on your own what to do for New Years.

Answer 8

You shouldn't question going and spending time with your family. They won't be here forever and you should cherish the time that you do get with them. Maybe you can make some decisions on some of the days events that will be fun for you and everyone else.

Answer 9

Assuming your relatives are visiting your parents then why should you be obligated to go,personally I would go visit and tell them I hoped they had a wonderful time and I would see them when they returned

Answer 10

Youre old enough to make your own decisions. You don't have to go. If they treat you like a child, you need to talk to them about it. You are in your twentys so they cant tell you what to do anymore.