I have 3 children, An 8 year old boy, a 20 month old boy, And a 6 week old girl, And well, This is going to sound HORRIBLE, But my 20 month old boy, Is the apple of my eye, THAT is my baby, and has been from day 1..I love all 3 of my children dearly, I just feel like I have a closer bond with my 20 month old, Than either of the other 2, Is this 'bad'...or 'wrong'? I don't treat them any differently, And I would NEVER tell the other 2 this..In fact, I'd never tell anyone I was close to for fear of them getting angry or judging me and telling me I'm a horrible mother...
Was just wondering if anyone else has felt like this with their children?
2006-12-26 06:20:13 · 18 answers · asked by ? 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Other - Pregnancy & Parenting
Lol- To the person that said something about the 20 month old looking more like me than the other two, You're right, He does...But I never associated that with the reason why I favor him more...Lol
And I wouldn't ever tell nor let on that he's my 'favorite'...I couldn't do that to my 8 year old (the baby is too young to know any different right now) but I wouldn't put my 8 year old through that.
And yes, With my 8 year old, I was a lot younger, and still wanted to have my 'fun'..I had just turned 19 when he was born, Still wanted to have my fun, So I didn't spend as much time with him, With the 2 little ones though, There's only been a handful of nights/days that I've been away from him, I've never left her with anyone for more than a couple minutes as of yet..And yes, I've been a SAHM with the 2 smaller ones, I worked when my 8 year old was younger...And no, The 8 year old, Doesn't have the same father as the 2 babies.
2006-12-26 06:35:26 · update #1
It's inevitable, but nobody needs to know, just keep the secret and treat all your kids equally. Your 20 month old probably looks like you more than the other two, right?
2006-12-26 06:30:21 · answer #1 · answered by gaban24 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I only have 1 child so I am not the best person to answer this question.
It is human nature to have different bonds with different people. Each of your children have different personalities so it is only natural to feel differently towards each, I would think...
With the 20 month old being so much younger than your oldest could it be possible that you are just at different place in your life and able to give more time and attention to your younger ones? Are they by the same fathers? Are you a SAHM now and not wiht the oldest? All these different factors can affect your bonding.
And the 6 week baby girl is just very young still...you still have quite awhile to get to know each other and her form a personality.
Are you sure it is a favorite or is it just their age too? That toddler age is pretty irresistable. :)
As long as you treat them the same and love them the same then I don't see a problem. If you are treating them differently then it is an issue I would look into more.
Maybe you could talk to a therapist about this too...may help.
Take Care. SD
2006-12-26 06:29:45 · answer #2 · answered by SD 6 · 4⤊ 1⤋
It is ok to have a good bond with your kids. Do not let your 8 year old ever think that you favor one child over the other. This will only lead to devistating problems. Try to find qualities in your 8 year old that you admire. Maybe spend a little more time with him. Your girl is so brand new that you dont know the person that she will become. Good luck and you are not a horrible person. You love and respect your children's feelings. Try to open the lines of comunication and give your 2 others a chance for your affection.
2006-12-26 06:30:29 · answer #3 · answered by chrissys08 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes it is normal ill tell you why because i was in that suction like you but 30 years a go.I had 2 girls my first one i had difficulty with her she was always crying day and night so this din`t help me at all,but try to love her as much then i can it was hard for me i try every thing in the book but nothing work.You no that children's are all different personality.So i ask my husband if i could have another child and he said will you be OK about that and i said yes,so 21 months after my 2child's was born she was my second daughters.I was so happy for that little girl that she was mind she was so quite never cry for nothing she was a good baby.And them as soon that they put her on my stomack intanly,i just fell in love whith her.She was just like me she is now 28years old and still do thing like me,i think thats why i love her so much,and still do.But i dont think i was horrible mother.Because my older daughter i love her just as much but in a different way.And i think that i done my best for both of them,you no baby dont come with instuctions.So you are not the only mother that fill that way,but as soon that you say it to somebody they always say i dont have any defference i love them all,so how do you thing i felt went day said that to me well i felt so HORRIBLE as a mother and some time i think i was terrable mother.And i thank you for cher ring your story with others i think that a very smart thing to do.After 30 years of been a mother you just took 30 years of my shoulder.Thank a millions time,i thaught that i was just a horrible mother.Now that i read your question i fell so relive,THANK YOU THANK YOU A SILLIONS TIME.And i no its going to help other mothers not only us.May GOD be with you an your childrens.GOD LOVE YOU i do ,thanks again to be so honest about it.xxxooo.It has bean good that some one has talk about it what a releave for me after 30 years i waited for that question thanks.And i no your going to help others.xxoo
2006-12-26 07:42:41 · answer #4 · answered by cilia 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm going thru the same thing. I have a 4 year old and I love him and would do anything for him. And I also have a 4 month old and she is like, wow! I don't know, if its because shes a girl or what.
I think the trick is, not to tell your kids, "He's my favorite and you're not," cause it would not only cause a conflict with you, but with the other siblings and its sometimes to the point where they would hate each other.
2006-12-26 06:34:22 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Having a soft spot or special bond with one of your children is most likely from a past life carry-over. You see, that child could had been your beloved spouse or brother or any other person that was so close to you in that life, that the bond of love brings you together in this life time.
2006-12-26 06:37:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
it's perfectly normal to have a favorite child! you can't get along with everyone so why not the same for your chlidren?? but it would be bad to show it and worse to tell it so keep this secret to yourself - it would hurt the other 2 children to know their own mother doesn't like them as much as the 20 month old! and it would cause all 3 of them to envie eachother and hate eachother... imagine that! so be careful....
2006-12-26 06:30:04 · answer #7 · answered by Lux 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No, and as the parent of 3 young daughters I am not really sure how it's possible to have a "favorite". They each bring their own light into my life and each has their own relationship with me, but I could never see my life as complete without all of them.
They are not interchangable nor are they toys...and i will never comprehend the whole "favortism" topic.
2006-12-26 06:52:31 · answer #8 · answered by hjfr27 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I think each parent has a favorite child.They just don't want to make it obvious so to avoid jealosy with the other siblings.It does'nt mean you're a terrible or a horrible mother.Just be sure the other kids are not neglected and of course you love them all!
2006-12-26 06:37:34 · answer #9 · answered by pbandj 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
It would be extremley wrong to treat one better than the others and if the others find out you like him better it will hurt them tremendously and will probably cause them emotional problems. I understand though beign more attached to one then the others. Just dont' show favoritism.
I feel like that way with my siblings. My sister is my fav sibling but I still love all my others.
2006-12-26 06:26:56 · answer #10 · answered by Alila 4 · 5⤊ 0⤋