I am in karate and my instructor is just about my age. his family owns the place and it is his job . i rly like him, and i think he likes me. his family r rly nice about it and would let things happen if they did. hes kind of shy though. should i wait for him to make a move or just watch from afar?
2006-12-26 06:19:06 · 13 answers · asked by Girl 2 in Sports ➔ Martial Arts
If he is ethical at all, he will have nothing to do with you other than in the capacity of an instructor. If you were to start dating, and even if things go well, it would not look right in the eyes of the other students. Every test, advancement (in your respective system, not dating!), and lesson would scrutinized and doubted, even if you know the material and progress properly.
...and that's not even to mention if things in a potential relationship go south!
Stick with what Saint G and others have said and don't let him dip his pen in the company ink.
2006-12-27 06:37:39 · answer #1 · answered by Steel 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he's a professional they he won't "make a move" due to not wanting to seem as if he's using his rank as a teacher to influence you.
In universities, where students and teachers are both over the age of consent, it is still considered taboo to have student/teacher relationships. As many have already pointed out, if a teacher is involved with their student you cannot prove that the teacher is still performing their job objectively.
Ask yourself this - is this guy, the possibility of him even, worth going to a new school or at least learning from a new teacher over? If you want to date a martial arts instructor you shouldn't do so at the school your simply a student in, be willing to change schools or, at the very least, instructors before dating this one. There's nothing to say you couldn't cross train each other on a date.
Or become an instructor yourself! There is nothing wrong with peers dating one another and often the spouse of a martial artist is a martial artist herself. My sensie was married before he was an instructor but his wife and daughter are still black belts. In any event, if you were an instructor the other students would know you've proven yourself on your own merits alone - and not skated by because the owners of the school were playing favorites.
If my fiancee were to start training at my school, I'd at least make sure I wasn't her teacher.
2006-12-27 11:10:47 · answer #2 · answered by Bard Noir 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can't tell you whether you should ask him out or wait for him to ask you out, but I would definitely advise against it because he's your instructor and in a position of authority over you. It could cause conflicts/complications in the dojo if you date him.
If you DO start going out with him, well... while I wouldn't necessarily put it the way that Saint G did, I would have to agree with him- don't get intimate physically, cuz if you do break up later, it will be uncomfortable, to say the least. And then you will have to find another dojo.
Just be sure about what you're doing. It's possible this is just infatuation/lust.
2006-12-26 18:12:03 · answer #3 · answered by ATWolf 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you may want to learn more about this guy before you pursue him romantically.
All you seem to know is his martial arts side. Learn more. What are his dreams in life?
Also, they run a school for a living? That seems pretty lame. The dojo should not be a source of profit. this is how McDojo's come to be.
2006-12-27 12:20:37 · answer #4 · answered by spidertiger440 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
infatuation with a superior is quite common. in the workplace, the dojo, the dance hall...
is it just awe and a bit of lust, or do you really think that in another place where he wasnt your instructor would you still like him?
just ask him out for a picnic, and take it from there if you think he is the one. but if it goes sour, you have ruined your future experience there, and you will need to find another place to train.
I go by the golden rule: DONT SCREW THE CREW.
which is anyone that you work, play, train with. because they do go wrong sometimes and you have to see them all the time.
your choice.
2006-12-26 14:28:49 · answer #5 · answered by SAINT G 5 · 6⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't get involved. If he is the instructor and you get involved with the instructor then other students would say you and his family is playing favorite to you. Besides if he is a REAL PROFESSIONAL then he would have a strict code about getting involved with students and you should respect that if he does.
2006-12-26 16:49:46 · answer #6 · answered by SuperSoldierGIJOE 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is not a good idea for an instructor to get romantically involved with a student. Drop it.
2006-12-26 17:07:05 · answer #7 · answered by mu_do_in 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you get involved, just know that when the relationship is over you may have to look for a new Dojo. I have seen it happen too many times.
2006-12-26 14:56:49 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Saint is right ultimately your choice, but take it outside the Dojo, cause if it does go south you will have to see them everday. Good luck!
2006-12-26 14:34:12 · answer #9 · answered by sapboi 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Talk to him outside of class . Keep personal relations just that , personal .
2006-12-27 06:38:03 · answer #10 · answered by Ray H 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋