I made a HUGE mistake and need some advice!?

Question

I broke up with my finance in November after 11 months to go on a weekend vegas trip with an ex boyfriend--it was not an intimate weekend trip-- but it happened to be my 1 year anniversary with my finance, although we were apart at the time. When I returned I realized the mistake I made by going on the trip and tried to repair the damage but found out the following week that during that weekend trip he replaced me with someone he met at the bar. Since that weekend he has been seeing that girl and stringing me along indicating that he wants to repair our relationship. Stupid me thinks we are going to fix things and make it work. Am I in fantasy land? I'm 36, not in high school!!!! I sit at home and cry myself to sleep, my teenagers tell me to move on but how can you move on when your heart tells you to go back. He continues to see her and tells me that he loves me but needs time to break it off with her because she is just to nice. HELP! What should I do?????

Answer 1

Wow! This is one messed-up situation... I've seen some of the other answers. The people seem much more concerned in placing the blame, rather than finding a solution. Yes, you did a huge mistake, apparently. You traded eleven months of engagement for one weekend trip. To anyone this definitely sounds like a bad deal. But this uncovered something even more disturbing: you got replaced ! Just like that, in just one week ! Didn't this bothered you? I would say he got over you pretty fast, might be a new Guinness Book record in "getting on the tracks again"... The point is that I think your relationship died sometime ago, and probably you sensed subconstiously -- hence the trip idea. No doubt you regret it, but take a look at what lies now in front of you. You got replaced faster than someone changing a light bulb ! It's a good possibility he already knew the girl. By the way, how's weather in Fantasy Land? That's the place your feelings of guilt took you. Let me be perfectly clear on this: he may have said he wants you back, but he did nothing. And doing is always louder than saying... You should break the string, look in the mirror and say "I DON'T DESERVE THIS, I'M BETTER THAN THIS"... Go on with your life. He's out; someone else will enter soon. If you have doubts about this, cut him some slack, tell him that you're sorry and you want to fix things and start all over again... But I guess you already did some of that, to no end.
Good luck ! And don't be so worried about it; this is life !

Answer 2

Wow you really are in a tough spot. Everyone makes mistakes. Some bigger than others. I know it's hard and you want to just cry all of the time. Two things can happen you both will work it out or you eventually will move on. My advise, move on for the time being, I don't mean with anyone else. I mean with things, your work a hobby. Go for long walks whatever you gotta do. Don't call him, let him call you. You have to remember "you" hurt him by going on a trip with an ex boyfriend. Even though you say nothing happened, he isn't thinking nothing happened. He probably would like to believe you, right now that's a lot to ask from him.....you will just have to let some time go by, then you will know. Why did you go on this trip with your ex in the first place? Ask yourself that question. Was it the 'trip' or was it because you still have feelings for your ex? You really need some time alone to sort out what you are really feeling......be honest with yourself and he who is involved or you won't be happy. Good-Luck.

Answer 3

Well the first thing you need to do is figure out why you broke it off in the first place. What made you do it? Lack of love? It was something. Now, are you wanting your ex-fiance back now just because he replaced you so quickly with a new woman? Are you upset because he found someone so quickly and you wanted him to pine for you. If that's the case, let him go. You know the saying you only want what you can't have? Well maybe that's what is going on. Think about if he didn't have another woman in his life right now. He called you and wanted to make things right again. Would you want him as badly as you want him right now? If you say yes to that question then you need to try to make things work with him and see if there is really something still between you too. See if he is really stringing you along. Then if you can't make it work, move on. What's done is done and if he is going to continue to string you along then he doesn't care about you enough to make it work. Thats the best I can do. Good luck!!!

Answer 4

I am sure everyone is telling you the same thing..MOVE ON! and it is true. The reason is that you did make a mistake and to him he feels that he has to get you back etc...etc... Well, the fact that after you went even though it was wrong he showed you how quickly he can get over you..He found someone on the spot and obviously has feelings for her or he would not still be seeing her..In stead he is playing you just to get back at what you did and all the while probably getting sex and head from each of you...So please so some self respect which is the only way to pull yourself out of this and move on..Even if he was to break up with this girl tomorrow, what thoughts are going to cross your mind later on..Does he really love me since he was with her for so long..Even more than one date would make you think well what did she have that he felt he had to go back for and couldn't just drop her for me..??All questions that any normal women would have and the only thing you can do is move on..Now the fact that you put him to the side to go to vegas says a lot also...At the time you pretty much told yourself and everyone else that going to Vegas was more important than him for what ever the reasons are... So obviously you told your self before he wasnt important enough to you so please find some one to share your life with that you feel is the most important person besides your children of course, and for him to feel the same about you..In this relationship I don't see neither one of you feeling that way!
hope I helped good luck!

Answer 5

Come on now, are you serious!!! let's bottom line this "relationship", "ms. 36", you're right you're not in high school anymore. At 36 you should not categorize ANYONE after 11 months of datingt as my fiance. At 36 i'm sure you've been married before and know better. You said you weren't together for your 1 year anniversary which implies that the 2 of you were broken up. He replaced you that fast or that's when you found out about them? Come on 2007 is a week away, let's make some poisitive changes!

Answer 6

Personally, you made that mistake.. every CAUSE has it's AFFECT. And by you leaving for that vacation with your ex, the affect on you fiance was going out to find someone who had time for him, and since the other woman had time for him and is still showing him she has time for him.. he will be there until she doesnt have anymore time. But on the other hand, if he dont wanna be with you no more, he should just be a man and tell you he don't, instead of telling you that he still love you and want to fix it. I think you should schedule a meeting with him somewhere at lunch or at your house to just talk and u tell him, all u want him to do is listen without any interruptions.. and u tell him everything that happened on the trip and ur strange decision on why u decided to go and u realized dat it was a big mistake and how much u thought about him on the trip, then u tell him how much u love him and how much u wanna be with him and how much u want this relationship and marriage to work for both of you. (Try not to let him interrupt u at all while saying these things)

And you go on to tell him, how u love him soo much even if he choose not to go through with this marriage and comeback... u would still love him as much as you love him now. But you can't wait forever on what he decides to do..
And if u love him that much like I think you do, you should love him enough to let him go and be happy..and want the best for him. I know that's easy said than done.. but I went through it, not as far as marriage but a serious relationship.. and I learned from my mistakes.. and what doesn't kills you, only makes you stronger.. and I hope things turn out the way you want it. Good Luck!

Answer 7

You just need time to realize that what you had is over. He has moved on and if he really wanted to be with you then he would be. You made a mistake and I am sorry to say that it looks like there were terrible consequences for you. However a man that would replace a fiance that quickly doesn't exactly sound like the kind of man that you would want to marry. It tells me that he would accept anyone just to be in a relationship and think about it. Is this what you are ready to settle for. You sound like a caring lady and I personally think that you can do much better than him. As difficult as this might be make a point to do something fun with friends this week. Get your mind off of him and you are going to find the man someday that will make you feel like the wonderful person that you are. Good luck and God bless. I promise you that it gets easier.

Answer 8

If you know you've made a mistake there is nothing you can do to undo it. In a way its a good thing that this happened because you get to see your "fiance" for what he is. You realized that you made a mistake, but the fact that he found a replacement for the woman he was suppose to marry sounds like you'd be better off not to get back together too soon.

I think it was a wake up call for you to ask yourself whether you are ready to marry this guy. I know it hurts but once you are able to look at it calmly you'll realize that maybe he wasn't the one for you. Just because you are 36 does not mean that you have to settle for the whatever you can get - don't get me wrong its hard for a single mom of two teens to find a good guy - but don't settle for one that will dump you like yesterday's news. You'll feel better once you get over the initial shock and start to really think about what happened.

Answer 9

I know that this might sound crazy but this is one way that you can get your man back and keep him. My boyfriend and I have a profile on newbienudes.com and have so much fun posting our pics and reading the comments that people put on our pics. He tells me all the time how fun it is sharing something like that with me and how no one else that he has ever been with has ever even let him look at porn. This site is for ameteurs only and there are alot of couples on there sharing themselves in pics and blogs. It is free to join unless you want to look at videos then it is 60.00 a year. Tell him that you found this site and ask his opinion about the 2 of you taking some pics and having some fun. If nothing else maybe you will find a man on there. A friend of mine found her man on there and they have been together for 10 months now nad he spoils her rotten. He is a great guy. I am sure that there are some pervs on there too, but just go and have some fun..............if you are even the least bit self concience of your body, believe me you wont be after you post your pics, you will get so many positive messages and comments that you will be amazed. Good luck

Answer 10

Why do you sound so surprised?

Your "ex"-fiance has fully complied with all edicts of manlaw.

Manlaw states that a man is to cease and desist all communications with his "ex-fiance" unless she is your baby momma or she is stopping by your pad for a "booty call".

Manlaw also states that is the man's responsibility to find a suitable replacement for the "ex-fiance" with ALL DELIBERATE SPEED.

Analysis:

You made your feelings perfectly clear when you broke up with your fiance in favor of a "no-questions-asked" weekend trip to Las Vegas with your "ex"-boyfriend.

In no uncertain terms you told your fiance that he is basically "sloppy seconds".to you.

And your fiance put his foot down and responded to your act of aggression with a commensurate act.

To exercise the full authority of manlaw and "move on" from the "hot mess" you created, he found a suitable replacement for you WITH ALL DELIBERATE SPEED.

Now that your ex-boyfriend (Mr. Vegas) has played YOU by once again reminding you that you will ALWAYS be his #2 and never #1, you WANT to get back and fix things with your "ex-fiance".

Well, sister girl!

Guess what. You can't put this humpy-dumpty egg back together again because BOTH MEN are well-versed in MANLAW and the gig is up.

Your "ex-fiance" is rightfully stringing you along because let's face it -- you deserve it.

Let's remember -- you basically defecated on his manhood!!

Move on and learn the lesson and ditch the experience.

I really hope that weekend was worth it!