I do not get along with my ex-husbands mom. LONG LONG LONG story. Anyways, my son went with my ex this past week for Christmas, and he was wearing a fairly new shirt that he had picked out about 3 weeks ago. It was a size too big, but they didn't have his size in the peticular shirt. He said that my ex-MIL made a comment about his shirt looking trashy and when he took it off to take a bath, she said that she was going to throw it in the trash. He said that she didn't throw it away, just put it in the washer, but she didn't send it home with him. I doubt that he sees them again until spring break, so basically that shirt is gone for good. He said that she was also telling him that I was mean because I when my ex showed up 3 hours early I wouldn't let him pick up my son that early and that she kept telling him that his dad only saw him 3-4 times a year, because it was such a long drive, wouldn't interfier with his school and other bull**** excuses. I would like to choke this woman! HELP!
2006-12-26 06:00:13 · 15 answers · asked by LittleMermaid 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
BrookB: The reasons why I wouldn't let him get my son 3 hours early are below.
1: Because my son was going away for a week. I had to work that day, and wanted to see him before he left. I had made arrangements to get off work early, but I work for a doctor so I had to pass my patients off to another assistant, and I could only leave 45 minutes early. If I had let him go that early, I wouldn't have seen him at all before he left.
2: My ex is in my opinion a deadbeat dad. He doesn't carry insurance on my son like the courts ordered him to, he has gotten behind in child support many times (including right now!), he only calls my son about 4-5 times a year, and even on the visitations my son spends most of it with my ex MIL or my ex's girlfriend, not with his dad like he should be. So, I am not going to go out of my way for a man who can't be any better a father than he has been. He should be more involved, and not just when it is convenient for him.
2006-12-26 06:24:32 · update #1
I don't believe in badmouthing one's parents in front of the children. Growing up as a step-child, that's what I was subjected to. And now, as a step-mother of a 2yr old little girl, I've made it a point that that is unacceptable behavior. I don't want her to ever go through what my brother and I did. No matter what feelings we may have from the past or how we may feel... it's not right to put her in the middle of it.
Your ex-MIL needs to realize the hurt she's doing to your son, it's not fair to him. No matter how she feels! If she has a problem with anything you did, then she needs to go to the source.
But at the same time, I have to wonder... why wouldn't you let your ex take your son three hours earlier. If he really does only see him a few times a year, it seems kind of mean to not let him take your son. (but I don't know the circumstances) I know my husband would love 3 extra hours with Alexis. We only get to see her a couple times out the year, and we can't just drive there either. I'd think it was better he showed up three hours early rather than 3 hours late, or not at all. But again... not trying to judge, don't know details... just curious.
Anyway, good luck with your situation. You're not at all wrong to be upset with her antics. I really do wish you and your family the best. :)
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I'm so sorry that he's a dead-beat dad and that he doesn't keep contact with your son like he should. I know a further explanation wasn't necessary, but I can totally understand where you were coming from. And if he is such a dead-beat, you'd think ex-MIL would get a clue and lay off of you! If anything, she needs to jump her son's ***! My husband and I got married before his baby girl was even born (long story)... but it was me kicking him (and her too, LOL) in the *** that got us where we are today. (I was determined for Alexis to have it better than me) He didn't want anything to do with mom... and I thought that if he could be with her for nearly a year and a half, not protect himself (she said she was on BC...), then he can deal with what he got hisself into. Alexis shouldn't miss out on what a great dad he is just b/c he doesn't like bio-mom. (Glad to say now, we're finally getting along and we have a nice, close relationship... took nearly two years of hell... but we're there.) It really does upset me when people won't own up for their actions and take responsibility. Does your son even like going there? Because I'd say, if he's that much of a piece of s*** and your son doesn't even like going... I'd go back to the courts or just not make him go! And if he's supposed to be carrying insurance and he's not... I'd take his *** to the courts! Well... again... good luck. I really do wish you the best.
2006-12-26 06:17:49 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have a right to be angry but it won't do you any good. Just let it go. Your MIL needs to realize that she needs to keep her feelings to herself and that adult conversations and feelings towards the exs are not to be made in front of the children. It is frustrating but don't lower yourself to their level.
It is just a shirt...he should have gotten it back but at least you get to spend most of the time with yoru son and I am sure he has others.
Take Care. SD
2006-12-26 06:35:27 · answer #2 · answered by SD 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am right there with you girl!
My ex mom in law still bad mouths me to my kids. She makes comments to them on everything from the clothes that I buy them to the music they listen to, to the games they play.
I listen to what the kids tell me and ask what they think about what grandma has said. Most of the time they think she's nuts!
I let them know that those are just Grandma's feelings and that while we respect grandma we don't have to like what she likes or do what she does or feel how she feels.
While i know it's very difficult to get along with the ex mom in law. You have to remember that she is their grandma. Bad mouthing her to him would put you on her level.
Conflict between parents and grandparents destructive to the child. I while I honestly understand your angry. Is it truly worth upsetting your child over a shirt?
Chose your battles!
2006-12-26 06:22:47 · answer #3 · answered by Barb 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Do not stomp around and act like a child. Be classy and ask her upfront. Then if she says yes or no you can you can ask her if she politly again. And if she doesn't change her answer than ask your son. Remember, you will always get your opponent on all squares if you look them in the eye and smile sweetly, cross your legs, sit up straight and stare her down until she can't take it anymore and admit the truth.
2006-12-26 06:21:34 · answer #4 · answered by Insomnia 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Its okay to be upset but dont let it get to you too much. You dont have to see her or even deal with her often, so be glad for that! Ex MILs are going to say whatever they want to say and think what they want regardless. Make a new years resalution to not let her and her family ruin your life any further!
2006-12-26 06:23:45 · answer #5 · answered by Aubrey 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to talk to him (your ex) about it. Tell him not to let her issues become yours. And to make sure she is not bad mouthing you in front of your son. You have enough respect not to do it to him in front of your son, so he should too. As far as the mother, just ignore her. She is probably just disappointed in her son, and like most parents, she doesn't want to blame him, so she makes you the bad guy. Talk to her, and politely as you can, tell her if she wants to spend time around her grandson, she needs to be respectful, because it's not only you she is upsetting, but him as well.
2006-12-26 06:11:49 · answer #6 · answered by purpledragonflyjrh 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel for you, it is inexcusable for the Grandma to talk to your son like he is an adult and create stress for him. Maybe she needs a letter from you reminding her that she is an adult and her job is to is to protect her grandson from stress and unhappiness. By badmouthing his Mom she is only hurting him. And she can mail the shirt back since it is new, he picked it out and he is still growing into it.
2006-12-26 06:12:55 · answer #7 · answered by angelbaby 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell her you are thinking about sueing her for slander.
Or. Talk to her about saying the things she does to him.. tell her that You know that she does it to vent her feelings about you, but the result is just harming her grandson. Tell her that if she so desperately needs to vent about you then to hire a therapist. That will shut her up.. and will keep you looking and acting like a good parent :)
2006-12-26 11:43:44 · answer #8 · answered by yo mama 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would be pretty angry about this too but think of it this way- you only have to deal with her a few times a year! it could be worse! i would get ahold of her and make her mail me the shirt though! He is your child - you decide what he wears!
2006-12-26 06:05:04 · answer #9 · answered by Bailey 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
u need to make this woman understand that u are her grandsons mother, and whatever personal differences she has for you must be put aside for the sake of him. If she wants to have a relationship with him, she has to understand that she cant put you down infront of your son, or he will end up resenting her for it.
2006-12-26 08:23:45 · answer #10 · answered by fifs_c 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋