I'm a widow, and since I have some health issues I'm presently living at my 24 yo daughter's apartment. She's a a biologist, has a job is taking a post-graduation course. She's been very resentful of me since she was a teen, because I was a strict mom. She never understood I wanted her best and doesn't get along with me, but anyway she let me move in. I help her with the expenses, but she pays for the biggest part. Though it's her home, I think I have the right to set the rules, because I'm still her mom and she owes me respect, though she's resentful. But she doesn't agree and, in fact, she makes the rules. She doesn't do what I tell her, doesn't respect my curfews, goes out whenever she wants, brings her friends home whenever sher wants. I have no say, though I must admit I have a comfortable life. This is completely wrong, I'm her MOM and deserve respect. Last saturday she had an attitude, I tried to ground her, she just laughed. It's her home, but she's still under my roof.
2006-12-26 05:33:10 · 30 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
I think maybe you need to respect her as an adult.
Honestly. You tried to ground her???
She isn't 12 anymore. She needs space. It isn't your
house. If anything it would be more like a roommate
type situation. Would you set a curfew for a roommate?
Of course not. You really do need to treat her more
as an equal. Maybe she will show you more respect
if you show her some.
2006-12-26 05:38:22 · answer #1 · answered by Crazy Malamute 3 · 4⤊ 0⤋
OK let's clear up some stuff your daughter is not a kid anymore she is a grown adult so treating her like a twelve year old isn't the best way. YOU live with her not the other way so she gets to set the rules of the house even if you contribute to the monthly bills. The more you try to dictate and control her the more likely you'll be asked to move out - I'm sure you don't want that!
You have to start treating her with respect as an adult, if you don't not only will you be miserable but your daughter will truly start to resent you!!! As the older person you should realize that you can't have the same adult - child relationship that you've had. You have to start being a friend than an overbearing mother.
2006-12-26 06:02:39 · answer #2 · answered by Michael K 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You tried to ground your 24 year old daughter in her own home? That's just silly.
You ask if you have the right to set the rules under your roof. No. It isn't your roof.
You say that you deserve respect. What about respect for your daughter? She sounds like a good woman, and you should respect that.
You need to appreciate the fact that she allowed you to move in with her and is paying the majority of the expenses.
Best luck.
2006-12-26 05:58:05 · answer #3 · answered by Abby 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have to disagree. If she was living with you in your place, than yes, you have the right to set the rules. But you're living in her apartment, therefore she has the right to do whatever she wants. It is her home and her roof, not her home and your roof. She's allowing you to stay with her and honestly, don't you think she'd rather you not live there? Not saying it rudely...but just put yourself in her shoes.
Yes she should respect you, and you should also respect her. She's an adult and is allowed to make her own decisions. You are her mother and with that comes some kind of authority, but when we grow up and move out, it's our choice if we want to submit or not.
I think you need to let go of her and let her grow up. The more you try to control her now the more resentful she'll get. I'm sure it's out of your love that you're trying to help her make the right decisions, but you're going about it the wrong way. She'll value your opinions and respect you a lot more if you treat her the same and let her live her life the way she chooses.
Oh...and no offense, but if I were in her shoes and you tried to ground me, I'd laugh too....
2006-12-26 05:44:05 · answer #4 · answered by lindalove_c 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I dis agree, didn't you say, "I am presently living at my 24 yo daughter's apartment." I am not trying to be disrespectful but I don't think that your roof stretches around the world nor into someone else's residence. Meaning; yes, you are her mother, but this is HER residence. The place is in her name, she pays the bulk of the bills, and you are a guest in her home. I do understand you wanting respect, as her mother. I think she is respecting you, you said she resents you for being a strict mom, but isn't allowing to live her, and she pays most of the bills, that doesn't sound like disrespect to me. But I do feel she sets the rules in her home.
2006-12-26 06:43:35 · answer #5 · answered by ricepat2000 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really hoping this is a joke...The fact that you are the mother of this very independant, grown 24 year old woman does not give you the right to tell her what to do. Yes parents deserve a certain amount of respect but remember YOU are living under HER roof. She is essentially supporting you and you have a responsibility to respect her as a daughter, an adult and as a human being. You are not entitled to tell her how to run her life.
It sounds like she has a good, intelligent head on her shoulders. You are very fortunate that she was kind enough to let you live with her despite the fact that you were probably horrible to live with when she was growing up...
You need to learn that respect is a mutual thing...shame on you!
2006-12-26 05:38:32 · answer #6 · answered by Cute But Evil 5 · 4⤊ 0⤋
when she was younger and disobeyed yours rules didnt you ever tell her that she lives under your roof so that means she obeyes your rules. Now you are under her roof and out of respect for her should you obey her rules. I know its probably hard because you still see her as your little girl. And you tried to ground her are you serious, you cant ground an adult grounding for adults is jail. You are putting a very big strain on the relationship and she might ask you to leave if you keep it up. How would you feel if your mother came to live with you when you were an adult and tried to ground you. You obviously did a very good job, she sounds very responisible, but your job is done now. Just sit back, relax and enjoy the daughter that you have before you lose her for good. Good luck
2006-12-26 06:24:36 · answer #7 · answered by aries6604 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, mom. She is grown up now and sets her own rules with every right to do so. As adults, all you two should worry about is common curtosy(sp?). It is up to you both to be gracious host and guest. That doesn't mean that she shouldn't respect you as her mother, but as far as setting rules for her to follow and trying to ground her, that's just insane. Did you really think it would work? If she has her own apartment and job and still goes to school, she has more than earned the right to come and go as she pleases and bring whomever home whenever she pleases. If the living conditions are not to your standard, then you should seek alternative living arrangements. That is the only thing to do as two adults.
2006-12-26 05:50:51 · answer #8 · answered by Yomi 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Exactly how is she living under your roof? She is helping you out by letting you stay there. You are paying some of the expenses but she is paying the lions share. You need to give her respect b/c she is an adult and can do whatever she wants. If she wants to have a orgy in the middle of her apartment you can't say anything b/c you are there as a favor. If you don't like it thank her for her help and move out. If you can't move out she can do whatever she wants.
2006-12-26 05:40:20 · answer #9 · answered by bkweeks2000 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You have no right to set rules. You are living with her in HER home. While you are right, she should respect you because you are her mother. It is her home and her rules. I am sure before you moved in she did whatever she wants whenever she wants. I would be careful if I were you. She may get tired of you still trying to control her and give you the boot! It is her home and her roof. Deal with it!
2006-12-26 05:38:07 · answer #10 · answered by caitybeth3 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋