Husband and Son?

Question

We sent out 8th grader to his room last night for being smart mouthed with me and my hubby and about 30 minutes later he was back out of us room without my knowledge and picking on his younger brother. The younger one told us what was going on and sure enough there he was out of his room.

I told him to go back up there and he was grounded and he said make me. Well his father had enough. He pulled him right off the stairs under his arm, dragged him into the room, bared his bottom and spanked him pretty good right in front of me and his younger brothers. My son was going crazy and screaming and crying at me to make him stop, but iddidn't give in.

Should I have gotten in the middle of that or did I do the right thing by just ignoring him?

To answer some questions:

Our son just turned 14 not too long ago, but if you saw him the street you'd think he was 10 or 11.

We do spank, just not that often and only as a last resort. Usually anytime we spank it is done in private.

My husband had no problem restraining our son last night. I just was caught off guard. When my hubby was carrying him over I thought we were just going to have a chat with him. But a few seconds later his bottom was bared and he was over the knee getting it.

Thanks you all for your questions and comments so far.

Answer 1

Dear God woman, grow some perverbial balls.

When I was in 9th grade once, I called my mom a Bit*h and told her to MAKE me care that I was in trouble.

You can bet she did. She picked me up off the sofa, threw me against a wall, and back handed me.

I wasnt so high and mighty and all grown up after that.

Teenagers are NOT adults, theyre not anywhere NEAR being adults, theyre simply children in big bodies, who are still learning and NEED you to teach them how to behave in society.

Your son got not what he deserved, but what he needed. Some times you have to pull them back down from that high place and put them back in the roll of being a child thats still learning how to be grown. Instead of continuing to treat them like they already are.

Iam glad there are still parents out there who care about their kids enough to train them properly. Iam glad my parents took the time with me. Your son will be too some day. It makes adult life easier when you're a little more humble than not.

Answer 2

Hello =)

I see this as a power struggle, mostly between your husband and son.

It is best, I think that you didn't interfere, but, that doesn't make your husband's actions appropriate.

I can only justify "spanking" in the very few cases where it might prevent emminent danger to the child. In all other cases, there are much better ways to get your point across.

Playing "who has the stronger will" with an 8-yr old is a pointless venture. All your husband proved is that he is stronger than your son. This will not always be the case, and when that is true, your husband may find that out in a very unpleasant way.

You need to be creative about what an effective punishment would be, when your son behaves in this way. You need to be prepared to use it when this situation comes up.

On the other hand, I'm sure that it had a profound effect on your younger children. That still does not make it appropriate

Namaste, and Happy Holidays,

--Tom

Answer 3

Look spanking is fine as a last resort don't worry about it. If it was necessary then it wasn't wrong. Just make sure that you give your son a clear warning before he is spanked tell him that if his behavior doesn't change then he will be spanked. If it doesn't change follow through then he should get the picture. Oh and cut out the dragging part because most likely after being spanked he is going to his room on his own.

Answer 4

8th grade? He's probably about 13 or 14. I sounds like he was taking advantage of his age, thinking he was too old to spank. If you disagree with your husband's reaction, don't do so in front of the kids. (unless it's real abuse, spanking is not) It's most important that the parents show a united front.
I was 12 the last time I was spanked for something similar. Boy, what a shock I had but I didn't smart-mouth again!

Answer 5

You did the right thing and ignored him. My mother had to do the same thing when when my brother was younger. Sometimes it takes a bigger man to teach the little man a lesson. You need to show your son you two are united and what your husband believes is what needs to happen you agree with. That way he will think twice about doing the wrong thing. If this problem should arise again you need to repeat yourselves. To show him that EVERY time he doesn't follow your directions something is going to happen and he's not going to like it. In the real world when you don't follow directions weather it's at work or driving or what not you get punished and the punishment isn't going to be something he likes. Good luck

Answer 6

you shoulnt have let your other son watch that wasnt right in any way. But you being there is different you are his mother so you have the right to be there for punishment. But I dont think your other son shold have been any where near eye shot of it.

And if spanking is your normal form of "punishment" or if its your last resort after everything else, than you stood your ground, if it was done out of a last attempt because everything else failed and you (your husband) was just fet up and didnt know what else to do, and the was the first time you had ever used spanking than yes I think you should have stepped in.

Answer 7

you should never undermine your spouse when they are disciplining your kids, unless they are truly being abusive.
i don't feel that in this situation your husband was being abusive. your son needed a swift kick in the pants and taken down a few notches and he got it.
i remember my brother getting a yardstick across his butt when he was plenty old enough to understand that he shouldn't mouth off to my mom! i mean, he must have been middle school or even early high school when he got it.

my parents didn't spank us much, but they did on occasion and i don't feel that there is anything wrong with it.
what i do feel is wrong is parents letting their kids walk all over them and other adults. kids need to learn boundaries and right and wrong. sometimes, if they get too big for their britches, then, they need a swift kick in the pants...just like your son got.

maybe this will teach your son some respect and teach him that he isn't grown. i'm sure someday he will look back and remember this and come to you and apologize for what he did.

take care and thank you and your husband for taking charge of your kids and not letting them get away with deplorable behavior.

Answer 8

I dont advocate physical punishment, but sometimes you gotta learn the limits of things. Dont feel bad but try to avoid it in the future 8th grade is a little late to resort to a spanking, he realy could probably be reasoned with. It is ok to appologise to him, and discuss disscuss directly with him ways to avoid that senario. He probably needs some attention from both you guys(parents) if he "just wont listen" cause that is probably what he has been taught beheavioraly by you two, "just ignore the unpleasent input". Eventualy that will build up and will need to be acted out to determine if it is an effective beheavior, it is up to you to alow it to be effective or not. Direct communication is the only way for him to understand you and visa versa. Talk to him about why he feels like picking on his brother, about why he wont listen when you tell him once, and about things YOU can do to allow him to feel more understood on a daily basis. he just wants your love and approval, make sure to praise him and pay him off when he demonstrates acceptable beheavior.

Answer 9

If you agree with spanking and could see that the spanking wasn't out of line (some parents lose control) then nothing wrong in my opinion. However if you see your spouse losing control you should have stopped him and put everyone in time-out and have a good long talk about how to discipline.

Answer 10

if it was just a spanking, yeah you did the right thing
that kid had it coming
if i had talked to y parents like that
i wouldve gotten a good spanking

if it was more than just spanking or spanking extremly hard
no
you shouldve stopped it
spanking is ok
hitting or punching is not

as long as your husband had a very good reason (and he did) and he doesnt do that on a regular basis it was just a conciquence

you're doing a good job as a mother
dont worry