What is the best way to deal with a child who is constantly complaining and whining?

Question

I am incredibly frustrated with my six year old son. He complains constantly. When he asks what we are having for breakfast or dinner, the response is always, "None of that I like." When it's time to get dressed, he complains that it's too hard. He has quite a bit of anxiety and is always complaining of physical ailments (stomachache, foot pain,etc.). This behavior is driving me batty and today I feel like a failure as a parent. Frankly, I can't stand to be around him sometimes. My other daughter does not behave this way. I don't know if I have done something wrong or if this is his natural temperament, but I really need some wisdom here. Note that his complaints never change the result: we are still having what we are having for dinner; he still has to get dressed; he still has to go to school, etc.. But why is he so negative all the time? And how can I encourage him to be more positive?

Answer 1

Do what my father did.
Say,"Stop complaining or I'll give you something to complain about." Be prepared to follow through.

Don't reward your son for whining,punish him for it. It's for his
own good,you don't want him to be doing that when he's older.
There's nothing more annoying than a whiner,especially when
it's a grown man.

Answer 2

There must be a complainer around. Or he has seen this on tv and believes he will get attention from doing this. It has probably become a bad habit by now that he doesn't even realize he is doing. Sit down with him and talk about all the things that are complaining so that he knows exactly what he can't say or do.Get out the old job jar. Have one practice day that doesn't really count. Every time he complains, or anyone in the family complains, they have to go to the job jar and pick out a job to do.
The first day is just practice so that people can realize how much they complain and how much they need to work on it.
The second day..............you will be good to go! Also important to redirect things, often ask kids good things that have happened during the day and share positive good things that happened to you.

Answer 3

It is probably caused by his anxiety, thus, it is probably his natural temperament (the way his brain was built). I used to do the same thing all the time (and still do sumtimes, lol). It may also be because he just wants to know that his voice is being heard (same with me 2). That doesn't mean you have to change the result, just let him know that his opinion has been heard, and ask him why his opinion what is is. If he just say "it just is"" or "i just don't" then tell him that he needs to give you a reason, or else you won't help him.

I think you should take him to a psychiatrist and ask him about cognitive therapy and anxiety medications for him, like zoloft. Good Luck ;) .

Or, you can take him to a special camp for the summer. It's called "Quest Camp", and is LOTS of fun, and encourages positive behavior instead of negitive beahvior. The website is provided for you below.

Answer 4

Congratulations on being aware of your child's needs, and wanting to make a positive change. Some of it is temperament, but it can be managed.

Why kids are negative, many reasons. Has there been some drastic change in your household? Transitioning to kindergarten-first grade? Loss? I can't tell from your letter but this is something you might have to brainstorm to figure out.

Continue to be consistent and regular. And show him the consequences of his actions. Don't rescue him from any of his complaints. That way, he will be responsible for his behaviors.

For example, if he complains about meals, you can give him the 2-bite rule. If he doesn't eat after 2 bites, the meal is over. No snacks, no dessert, until the next meal.
For getting ready in the morning: incorporate a schedule: he leaves the house in the morning with what he is wearing. If he ends up going to school in his pajamas for a couple of days, then too bad.

Ignore the complaining and award him for performing. If you give him any attention when he's complaining, then he thinks that is a "reward" and will continue the practice. Or you can deter him by saying, "I can't understand what you are saying, can you use a better choice of words?" (And one trick is to create a "word" jar so he can pick out one word and figure out if he can use it in his complaint -- it can get silly but it will break down barriers in communication)

When he's actually making progress, you can be praise him for his accomplishment, and that may motivate him to continue the good behavior.

I recommend a good series of books to read is from the Love and Logic series, that is where I learned how to deal with my children. We are fortunate is my children's school uses the Love and Logic model. It's helped us immensely.

Good luck and best wishes!

Answer 5

You say he is only 6yrs old well, he has to be getting this behavior from somewhere or some one. He is only a child so he must have been taught this behavior. Take a minute to examine your own behavior are you a complainer, do you whine about things or maybe your husband. When children behave a certain way it is 9 times out of 10 what we as parents have taught them. Try to be a more positive person I know its hard in this day and time ,but you can do it. Only go around positive people, don't fill your life with negative people they will drain you and you will drain your children. I know this is hard to do especially if most of your family and friends are down on life, but if you want to save your children a life of misery then you must save yourself first.

Answer 6

Honestly, he needs to learn a lesson through tough love. My niece would not get dressed in the morning (age 7). She was not dressed on time to make the school bus. The counselor at school advised my SIL to have her get on the bus in her pajamas. Even the threat of that made her get dressed quickly! I would just concentrate on the good and ignore the bad. Maybe have a chart to put stickers on if he says something positive. Don't acknowledge him unless he speaks like a big boy and does not whine. Offer only 3 choices for breakfast, if that, and tell him he must choose one. He won't starve. Give him a timer (10 seconds) to choose one thing. If he doesn't choose, he eats what you make for him. Or else nothing. He won't starve. He will finally see that you are the one in charge, not him. This is a control thing. He knows that you've let him whine for this time so he thinks he can keep doing it. My daughter makes life very difficult at times (age 5) and there are times I simply don't enjoy her company, either. I really try to evaluate how I am parenting and disciplining her. It is difficult! You are doing fine. Keep at it and be consistent. Good luck!

Answer 7

My suggestion is this...
I tell my daughter she's not allowed to say she doesn't like something i make or complain about things. IF she does she's not allowed to eat or get it. My mother did that when we were little and we stop pretty quickly as my daughter has. (actually she tells others if they say they don't like someones just say thank you and take it) If my daughter complains about something i actually send her out the room. I tell her not to complian and take it away and send her away. I don't talk about it... (that only gives her more reason to compain if you set and talk about it.)

The ailment thing is because there is too much being put on it. If my daughter falls down or has a hurt i look at it kiss it or what not but i don't make it a big deal of it. (NO MATTER HOW BIG IT REALLY IS) i've learned this from my mother also. I fell down all the time i actually got bit by a dog on my head that almost killed me and didn't know it was as big as it was until MUCH later. Years because my mom just put a towel on it and brought me to the hospital. If you make a big deal about things like that they will make a big deal of it them selves even when it's small.

Good luck

Answer 8

Is he around other people who complain a lot, for instance a schoolmate or friend? Does your husband or anyone else in your household have this habit? If the answers to those are no, then try to tease him out of it. Say, "Nobody like to hear complaints all the time. I will allow you one complaint a day, and it needs to be about something that really bothers you." Then if he continues to gripe, send him to his room for a little bit. Tell him he can complain in there, because you don't want to hear it. If he's catered to, then he will think he can get whatever he wants by whining/complaining.

Answer 9

My son is like that too and he is 7. I have found a way to cut down on the complaining. I tell him to stop complaining and to try to think of something positive to say. When he does I usually have some positive to say in response to what he said. I have just started, but he is starting to improve already. I think that if I stay on him he will get better.

Answer 10

Take him to the doctor for a complete physical tell the doctor ahead of time what you are encountering and what to be able to tell your son when he complains that there is nothing wrong with him etc. the doctor said so.
Now at 6 he is not to old to spank, tell him that is he complains one more time about dinner that he will get spanked. Then of course you have to be willing to do it. If you can not spank him, to show him that his negative behavior is bad and will not get him anything but a sore butt every time then he will stop. Time for little man to grow up and for parents to enforce their will in the house.

Answer 11

maybe try teaching him to be thankful for what he has... he is six so he should be old enough to understand many things. you could show him pictures of starving, naked, african babies... I am really being serious, break his heart a little for the afflicted in this world and he may learn to appreciate what he has. he is young but you can still speak to him with respect and love while you show him that his complaining is not gaining him anything and that things could be alot worse. next time you are faced with the situation just say"...there is something i want to show you and i want you to under stand this.." i dont think this wil change him right away but it will give him a foundation to go from and then you can incorperate things like" whenever you feel yourself wanting to complain, try to say something thankfull instead like thanks for making me breakfast mom or i like being a big boy and being able to dress myself. tell him that when you cach him with a positive attitude like this you are going to give him star stickers for being such a great star and whatever incentive you think would work for your child
i dont think it is just your sons temperement to be ungrateful and griping all the time it is just his humanly sin-nature and he needs to be taught whats right by you.. with alot of patience, love and consistancy i am sure you will help your son grow into a better attitude