did i make a bad decision,or am i over reacting?

Question

i just became engaged after 5 yrs to my bf but i'm having doubts.he was married and had a son(sam) to a very controling wife thats the reason he divorced her 6yrs ago.she is very bitter over this and makes my life hell and its gotten worse since we got engaged.she calls,emails almost everyday,every little thing regarding sam requires lenghy phone calls which then leads into things related not about thier son.example on a romantic vac. she called to tell my bf sam had a cold,we were only gone 3 days and she called 4 times.she also told my bf she does not want me to go with him to sams school functions as i'm not his mother,she said he has to go with her.my bf said he will not say anything to her as he wants to take the high road with her for his sons sake and agrees with everything she does and wants.i think hes just afraid of her and knows i will make less of a stink than she will.how why does he allow her to control our lifes?am i wrong to feel this way?

Answer 1

Absolutely your are justified in your feelings. I would suggest that you have a lengthy conversation of your own with both of them separately. To your boy friend tell him how much it hurts you for him not to stand up for you and tell his ex that she is wrong. For his ex I would just let her know how much you care about her son and that you would never do anything to replace her you just would like to be included. Good luck!

Answer 2

Confusing I can see. Sounds like the Mother is being childish to me. I myself am dealing with the same thing but in the opposite direction. My X-Husband is remarried and his wife had 4 kids and lost them to her X-Husband. Well, she is trying to take over my daughter as her own.. My X-husband won't do NOTHING!! She is very controling and demanding. It is VERY wrong of your BF to let her run your lives. You get married, it's going to get worse. Talk to your BF about the siuation and tell him you won't marry him til he stands up for you and the relationship. Tell him you feel she is running your lives and causing problems with the relationship.. Tell him you want to marry him and not her too.

Bring to her attention she needs to think of her son and how much stress she could be causing on her own son because she won't just let you have a life together.

I know it's hard to bite your tongue and not say nothing.. Been there, done that.. I now have custody of my Daughter just by what my X-husbands new wife was causing. Just what I have learned through the court system is a Step-Mom is nothing but a glorified babysitter and that's what the Judge called her during the court battle.

I'm sure you love your soon to be step son very much and this is very touchy situation. As far as her saying you can't be at any school functions... She can't do that unless there is a restraining order for protection against you for the child or the mother.

The bitterness on her side may not be against you as much as it is your BF.. Your just catching the brunt of it.. Also, don't let your BF make his wife deal with you cause he just doesn't feel like talking to her.. That is NOT your place and I'm afraid to say that will hurt a court case if she does take it to court.. That is a card I threw into court on my X-husband.. He would NEVER talk to me about our Daughter.. I ALWAYS had to go through her. So, make your BF deal with ANYTHING that has to do with the child. That is between him and the mother.. That could be causing ALOT of bitterness if she deals with you only..

In no way are you wrong to feel the way you feel. I hope the best for you and your situation!! I wish you the best of luck!!

Answer 3

There is no way your BF should let his ex run his or your life like that. She needs to grow up and realize that your BF deserves to have a life that he can still be a good father and be with you at the same time.

You BF is not taking the high road because she is controlling his life and ruining your relationship. He is not a man if he cannot stand up to her and tell her to back off. He only has a responsibility to his son...not her. Also, if your BF wants you at Sams events than that is HIS decision as his father.

If he cannot stand-up to her or even have a talk with her to get her to stop the way she is acting it will ruin your relationship....you will be unhappy for the rest of your life having to deal with her acting like this.

You should move on if he can not talk to her and convince her to stop. You do not deserve to be in this kind of relationship.

Answer 4

no you are not wrong. it sounds as though she doesnt want the two of youto have a life together, esp i she cant be a part of it. She is taking as much of his time and attention as possible. She doesnt like not being in control and he obvously doenst mind letting her control hi. He didnt leave their relationship. He is still very much a part of it. As far s I am concerened if he was truly rid f her, he would stand up to her and tell her to take her stuff and stick it where the sun dont shine. youare his new wife to be and you CAN go to school functions. she can take her self. watch, when she gets a new man in her life shell be havingsam call him daddy , while you cannot be called anyhing close to mommy. She is two-faced and just wants to control everyone and everythng around her. Dont tae that bullshit. make him stand up to her, and if he wont, you do it. **** the highroa, she cting like shes 3, so can yu.jut dont do anything to get arrested

Answer 5

Of course you should go to his school functions, she is being ridiculous about that. When you go on vacation turn your cell off and let her leave her message with the front desk at the hotel or let it go to voicemail. She should have been able to handle a "cold" without hassling the two of you. I don't think you make a bad decision by keeping the bf, but you should not let this woman run over you if this man and boy are to be YOUR family. Try to be friendly and accommodating, of course, but know when to say enough is enough. Take care!