i just became engaged after 5 yrs to my bf but i'm having doubts.he was married and had a son(sam) to a very controling wife thats the reason he divorced her 6yrs ago.she is very bitter over this and makes my life hell and its gotten worse since we got engaged.she calls,emails almost everyday,every little thing regarding sam requires lenghy phone calls which then leads into things related not about thier son.example on a romantic vac. she called to tell my bf sam had a cold,we were only gone 3 days and she called 4 times.she also told my bf she does not want me to go with him to sams school functions as i'm not his mother,she said he has to go with her.my bf said he will not say anything to her as he wants to take the high road with her for his sons sake and agrees with everything she does and wants.i think hes just afraid of her and knows i will make less of a stink than she will.how why does he allow her to control our lifes?am i wrong to feel this way?
2006-12-26 04:21:47 · 9 answers · asked by heathercane678 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Get out of the relationship before it's too late...He has clearly chosen his son (or ex) over you and believe me it's not going to get better.If he doesn't consider your feelings now he never will.. Sure him being a good father is important but there is a happy medium...
2006-12-26 04:32:08 · answer #1 · answered by impromptu_57 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
You know this is a very difficult situation you are in, I would say you really need to think about what you want peace or this woman always in your life.. I was in this situation years ago and someone told me the same, think about you really want and is it worth what you will go through with this woman. SHe wants to make your life miserable and it probably is working and your fiance won't say anything, why? He's scared of her and that's what she wants you can't be envolved in school functions, why? You will be the stepmother, you will be a part of her son's life from now on. Really do some thinking and see if this what you want. Talk to her about all of this, her son is the one that will suffer with all the uncomfortable feelings you will have later after you are married. Maybe something can be arranged where you can come to the functions if you like and you can have nice vacations without her interference. You may have to be the bigger person from both of them, it is hard and decisions will have to be made or just accept the situations as it is. You are the only one that can make this work for you and them. Talk to your fiance and if you have done this already then just see what you can do about all of this. I wish you good luck.
2006-12-26 04:36:22 · answer #2 · answered by justmmez 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Being a divorced mother of 2 children, I feel that your boyfriend needs to tell his ex-wife a few things. You are not taking her place as his son's mother, you are an extra person in his life. He needs to let her know that you will be involved in his life including school functions. The child is smarter than everyone gives him credit. His mom and dad are no longer together so why should they go to functions together. That would just confuse the child. Allow him to enjoy the new relationship of his dad's fiance and hopefully his mom will meet someone too.
2006-12-26 07:46:00 · answer #3 · answered by wondering 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No your not wrong to feel this way.But men always try to do whatever it is to make things easier for them.He is not considering your feelings about going to his sons school.Your going to be his step mother and what will happen then?Is he going to make u stay out of his school life.It doesn't make any sense.You need to step back and take a real hard look at this relationship before u commit.If your not comfortable with things the way they are. You need to speak up now or you'll have to be quiet after your married because u knew what u were getting into..Good luck hon
2006-12-26 04:46:21 · answer #4 · answered by sweet_thing_kay04 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honey he is going to give into the stronger willed and you have to stand up once you are married. I don't blame the mom for calling to say the son was sick, but four times is over the top unless it was with more worse news. Just being a girlfriend, I wouldn't want you to go to school functions either, but once your married I would put my foot down. You would be a part of raising him too. the school can set up different times for conferences so the mom doesn't have to be there at the same time and if its a function then anyone can go. You have to make your own place and make your husband (once he is ) believe that and stand up with you.
2006-12-26 04:28:01 · answer #5 · answered by dana j 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It is not necessarily that he is wrong for you, but if things are going to work out, you have to know that he puts you ahead of her. He needs to understand that by always making peace with her, he is making things difficult for you. It is not as much about you wanting to get your way as it is about you needing to know that you are his priority, and knowing that he respects you enough to stand up for you. It could be that he doesn't know what his actions do to you, so talk to him -- let him know you want to be supportive, but that you aren't willing to take second place. Then, you will be able to see what the situation really is, and you can make an informed decision about what to do next.
You are absolutely not wrong to feel that way -- you are exactly right to listen to your instincts.
2006-12-26 05:39:33 · answer #6 · answered by LN 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You two need to go to couples therapy to work this out. You're not wrong to feel this way, and it'll continue until you work it out. He's so used to being controlled by this woman that he'll continue to allow himself to be unless he gets help. This will cause major strain on your marriage, so try to resolve it before the wedding.
2006-12-26 04:48:03 · answer #7 · answered by alimagmel 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Try her in court for harrasment. Cite what you have said here, especially with regards to her telling you where you can and cannot go. The court, if you win, can tell her to stop.
2006-12-26 05:01:29 · answer #8 · answered by Earnesty_in_life 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you continue your relationship,You will certainly lose your future chances and happiness, because it seems he is not going to forget his former wife, and you are not obliged to bare every thing.Try to leave and forget him,not continue and forgive him, its too much for him.
2006-12-26 05:10:29 · answer #9 · answered by <<< sky >>> 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋