okay. my ex boyfriend is still a very big part of my life. he lives with me, and so do his 2 boys every tuesday and e/o weekend. my problem is they used to listen to me w/ no problems. now i think they are testing me to see what they'll get away with. the 5 year old will stare at me w/ this blank look on his face and proceed to do whatever it is i asked him not to do. i ask him to look at me every time i speak to him, and then ask him to repeat what i said. it gets me nowhere. he doesnt listen at all. the 2 year old has a big problem with telling me no and talking back. he even started hitting me at one point. i refuse to spank the kids because they are not mine, but i expect them to show me respect. how do i get this through to them??
2006-12-26 03:54:44 · 9 answers · asked by biz 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
their father and i have talked about it several times. he is 100% with me on this... he and his ex wife dont get along (she and i do just fine now, had problems in the begining.) i make sure the kids know that i am not trying to be their mommy. the 5 year old told me last week that i'm not his mom and he doesnt have to listen to me. my response was, you're right, i'm not your mommy, but in my house i'm the boss. i know that they may be having a hard time adjusting, but i've been around for a long time. they love on me all the time, and never want to go back to their mom when we drop them off. i guess i'm just getting frustrated because i feel like things were fine when their dad and i were still together. its only been since we broke up that they started acting this way. i dont know how they would know the difference though, we're still very close. he lives in my house...
2006-12-26 04:14:18 · update #1
Tough situation. With every break up there is tension and things aren't the way they remember them being.
My inlaws did something similiar - when my BIL was 6 (he is a lot younger than his brothers :)) his parents decided to separate and get a divorce. Till the divorce was final they lived in the same house thinking it was okay because it was big. They agreed to no more fighting yet there was still tension. It was just strange not knowing the boundaries, meeting new people, cooking dinner as a family but not being a family...anyway, it really caused some emotional issues with my BIL and he is fine now but it took a lot of therapy and time to get through it.
So, if there is another solution maybe your ex should stay with his parents or his own place when he has the children.
If that isn't an issue make sure the home is happy and they feel welcomed. They shouldn't feel like you are being burdened iwth them there. Never should they hear you say, "Get your kids!" or "Your kids won't listen to me!"
Set house rules and consequences. The children need to know what you both expect and what will happen EVERY TIME they break the rules.
You can discipline without spanking. A time out at their ages is perfect - 2 minutes for the younger one, 5 minutes for the older one.
Remember you are the adult and you need to demand respect. Do not get into arguments with preschool age children, do not yell at them uncontrollably. If you cannot control yourself then how can you expect them to control themselves?
Good luck! SD
2006-12-26 06:10:44 · answer #1 · answered by SD 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay the children are to young to know that you two have broken up, however has your or his actions changed? Or maybe the mother is saying stuff, who knows?!! But what I do know is that if you do not spank these children yours or not the will walk all over you. Notice I said spank not beat. Tap the two year old on the hand and explain to him why. As for the five year old tap him a couple times on the butt and send him to another room. Tell him he can come out when he apologizes.
2006-12-26 23:55:04 · answer #2 · answered by mandmtjmom 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW, a 5 and 2 year olds? What were you thinking? LOL. But here's a little suggestion. Never put yourself in their mother's shoes. You're not. And they don't want you to be. And you never will be. Best to do, is just be a mentor. Discuss to your husband the fact that they are not ready to receive your rules, and ask him to help you out by letting the boys understand that you are the queen of the premises and they should at least try to compromise with your ideas. This must be done step by step hun, cause they can barely comprihend "why" you have to come in their life. Share their laughter and help them out in small things. Care for them when they cry and let the father be the one who set out rules and you the "shouldre to cry on" :)
Kindness never fails :) Good luck.. Patience..
2006-12-26 12:20:40 · answer #3 · answered by Zenithia Victora 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you won't spank the kids here are some alternate solutions. Try sitting them somewhere that isn't fun (we use the toilet because there is nothing really fun in there) or you can have your boyfriend talk with them. Sometimes they can see you as a replacement of their mom, the more serious you get with their dad the more this will happen.
2006-12-26 12:02:51 · answer #4 · answered by reptmd 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Try to concentrate on only the worst offenses. If they do something minor, just ignore it. Maybe they're looking for your reaction? I would instill a positive behavior chart, where they can earn stickers for listening to you. Once they earn a certain # of stickers, they can earn a small reward. Use the simple time-out method for serious offenses. Take away privileges or favorite toys as a last resort. Make sure they know they can earn them back for good behavior. Most of all, earn their respect and don't try to only be their "friend." Good luck!
2006-12-26 13:52:13 · answer #5 · answered by ReeberKaseyMarcus 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the 2 year olds behaviour is typical for age... and is testing...
the 5 year old should be used to you by now.;..
does the ex support your discpline techiniques or undermine what you say??????
how do you get in this situation????? hard enough to discpline someones elses kids let allow an ex's kids....
make sure your house rules are consistent and there is a time out for not looking at you and listenting....
are they having difficulty with the changes?
2006-12-26 12:04:01 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
They're young. All children push the limits to see what they can get away with. And since you're not a parent they are most likely going to push you the most. If it bothers you this much talk to their father about it.
2006-12-26 12:04:43 · answer #7 · answered by Wiccan~Momma 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
try showing them that ur the boss. don't ask for respect, try to find like a clever way that makes them give you respect, talk to ur boyfriend abou this (nicely of course)
2006-12-26 12:02:02 · answer #8 · answered by blah 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Move out.
2006-12-26 12:02:19 · answer #9 · answered by gerrifriend 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋