How do I get a guy out of my system without getting it on with someone else?

Question

i had a bad break up 4 years ago, we have a child. that was my first heatbreak, at age 29. Before that I used to just "have friends". Since that break up I continued my life style with lots of "firends" and it was fine, to fake it until I made it through, what seemed like devastation. Well 1.5 years ago i met "the one" he is truly, who i am meant to be with, I thought. he just broke up with me about 1 month ago. He wants to be friends and has admitted to loving me, but can't be with me, and he loves my son (I beleive that's why he stays my friend) So Christmas was the final straw for me, being "friends". So now this pain is very different from when I split with my son's father, that was the first time and it was tragic, and I dealt with it,by filling the void with other men. I am getting too old for that, but I just don't want sit around alone with a broken heart, because this time it's burning, because I still see this man in my future.

Answer 1

Well, sorry about your heartbreak. And given your stated choice not to just find another man, try these:

1. Groom immaculately
2. Dress nicely
3. Study harder than ever
4. Spend an hour a day in the library
5. Spend an hour a day at the gym
6. Honor your parents
7. Get involved in a worthy function
8. Volunteer a few hours a week for a worthy cause
9. Help someone every day
10.Go to Church
11.Invite your friends to Church
12.Take group dance lessons

Good Luck

Answer 2

Custody IS biased toward the mother because Dads have usually been the income producers---getting the better salary, and been away from home more for it. I personally don't think that either parent should be putting their child in day care. It's sad that people are getting together and making children but can't stay together just a few years until the child goes to school. How's that compatibility again? I think BOTH parents can be there for their kids if they really want to at this time period. Most everyone has either been through this crap as a kid or themselves as an adult, so there is much more understanding. Personally I have tons of respect for a guy who takes on a woman who has children that aren't his, and cares for all.

Answer 3

Idol mind is the devil's worskshop. Get busy doing something positive. Before you know it, He'll be out of your mind. and stop dating all those different "friends". all you are soing is adding insult to injury and packing pain on pain. Getting under one man is not the way to get over another one. He may or may not be the one for you. Only time will tell. You have a son focus n keeping happy and get a relationship with this man out of your head. You are not gonna wanna hear this, but i have no problem saying this. Your son is your number on responsibility, even before your own happiness. If the majority of your attention is on a relationship. your son is lacking. focus on him. Everything else will work in time.

Answer 4

Double-click your mouse.
Have a menage-a-moi.
Try the self-loving for a while.
Buy yourself a few battery-operated friends.

Or just get some friends with benefits.

Answer 5

Find something to do, join a charity, become a big sister, etc. Sometimes being on your own clears your head so you can see the road to the future better.

Answer 6

focus your time between your son and family and friends (not "friends") and hobbies. if you're overly concerned about your romantic life, it can definitely bring you down. you owe it to your son to be strong... set aside these men for now. your son needs you.

Answer 7

First of all...I am DEEPLY sorry...I know how painful a break-up can be.

My prayers are with you.

Here's some GREAT advice I found online:


Don't See Him or Talk to Him for Sixty Days:

Sixty? Yes, sixty. But . . . NO BUTS, PRETTY LADY! We know it seems like a long time, and it is. But if ever there was anyone in need of "he-tox," it's you! (Get it? he + detox . . . aren't we clever?) This is our #1 commandment, and it is hands down the most important thing you can do for yourself. The idea is to get him out of your system—and he's much less likely to continue to wield his power and stay under your skin if you don't have any contact.

Furthermore, laying down the sixty-day rule gives you the opportunity to take control of a situation that has you reeling out of control. It's your chance to call the shots. We don't care if he (or you) still wants to be friends, if he still has some of your stuff, or if you were fused together in a welding accident. You can revisit all these issues two months from now when you have some clarity. (And by then you probably won't even really care if you talk to him anymore.) This is about taking care of you, and putting yourself in a position where you can get through this really tough time with some measure of ease.

Sixty days gives you the emotional distance necessary for total recovery. Let's face it -- right now your ex is still pushing your buttons. And he will continue to do so until you remove the button. No contact is the easiest way (and possibly the only way) to avoid all the problems and pitfalls mentioned in Part One -- the breakup half of the book. "But, guys, it's not that simple."

Actually, it is that simple, it's just not that easy. If you were quitting smoking, you wouldn't buy cigarettes, hang out with people who smoked cigarettes, go to places where people were smoking cigarettes, or get drunk and call cigarettes at 4 a.m. begging them to come over for one last smoke. Realistically, the only way to avoid all the little methods you and your ex have for torturing each other—he calls to check in, you make excuses to see him, you obsessively check your messages or, worse, his messages -- is to take him out of the picture and cut off all contact.

In our experience, there's something about two months -- that's sixty days, 1,440 hours, 86,400 minutes, lots and lots and lots of seconds, or whatever you want to call it -- that is magical. When you get there, you'll know exactly what we mean. "What if I can't?" you ask. You can. And we know that's the truth, because eventually you will have to. It's only a matter of whether it's your choice now or his choice later, because at some point he will stop taking your calls or meet someone else. One or both of you will finally tire of the long, drawn-out drama. So choose the option that will allow you to feel good about your choices from this day forward.

Don't be the cuckoo bananas ex-girlfriend who won't go away. Dive into a self-imposed "he-tox." That means NO CONTACT! Not only are you not reaching out, you're also not accepting his calls or visits. There is no gray area with this one. Even if you intend on maintaining a friendship with him, take at least a two-month vacation from the relationship. Trust us, if he's truly the kind of friend you want and need, he'll understand -- and more than likely, he'll be grateful for a little distance himself.

Still not convinced? Then answer this: Why should you talk to the person who just broke your heart? You wouldn't go back to a job you'd been fired from every day just to feel bad about yourself, would you? "But I really loved my job." So what? They fired you. "But my job was so good in bed." What? This is the part where your job calls security and escorts you out of the building. (And quite honestly, security has better things to do with their day . . . and so do you!)

Try and think of it this way: You're giving the time you were spending on him back to yourself as a gift, and he'll get none of it for at least two months while you set up shop as the new you. You know how you have all of those little tasks and projects you've been meaning to get to? Well, now you've got the time! Whether fun (alphabetizing your ice cream) or horrific (filing your back taxes), these are usually the things that will make you feel better about yourself once you've accomplished them. They can also provide a great opportunity to reconnect with who you are, and start putting energy back into activities and relationships that may have been neglected when you were with your ex. Here are a few ideas:

Reorganize your closet and refold every piece of clothing you have.

Finally put all of your photographs into albums or labeled photo boxes. And while you're at it, make copies of some of your favorite photos of family and friends and send them, along with a note, to the person in the photo.

Download all your CDs onto your computer or iPod and then sell them back to a used-record store and spend your newfound cash on that Marc Jacobs pencil skirt you've been eyeing.

Ask a friend to teach you how to knit and then start your own "Stitch and *****" knitting night.

Dust off your clarinet, piano, guitar, or whatever dream is sitting in the corner collecting dust bunnies and give her a whirl.

Rent your favorite movies from your formative years, and invite some friends over to enjoy your own John Hughes/Cameron Crowe/Quentin Tarantino/Adam Sandler film festival.

Go to a magazine stand and browse all the titles and see what you're drawn to. You might have a new interest that you didn't even know about.
Try your hand at gardening. Plant some gardenias under your bedroom window and night-blooming jasmine by your front door so that your home smells like heaven. If you live in an apartment, how about growing a few potted spices? Nothing livens up your windowsill like rosemary, basil, and thyme.

If you've got a dog, why not have it trained to be a therapy dog to visit hospitals and brighten other people's days?

Get certified to be a Big Sister for an underprivileged kid, or volunteer at an outreach center. Now's a perfect time to think about someone else besides yourself. Remember, you have a lot to offer!

Answer 8

surround your life with those you love and love you back...your child, family and "true" friends! You will quickly see that those who honestly love you will never hurt you.

Answer 9

think of all the negative things that had happened between u two. think of all the times he pissed u off and make u sad, unhappy, miserable.