Im sick of dealing with his over controling mother since i met her.. she never got to know me and i have always treated her with respect. i no longer wanna put up with her, and shes always trying to break us up etc.. im sick of it.. i love my fiance oh so much, and i ahte to break everything off cuz of her.. but i dont know what i shoudl do.. should i continue on marrying him?were supose to get married in 2008...
2006-12-26 03:34:11 · 27 answers · asked by Andrea 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
as u anwser plz explain why...
2006-12-26 03:37:09 · update #1
In my opinion, there are three issues... one is your level of maturity and your ability to cope with that which you can't control; two is your fiance's ability to react appropriately and independently from his mother; and three is how much you really love him.
The controlling ways of your future mother-in-law will NOT go away. They will continue to be manifested in behavior throughout your married life. She'll most likely continue to try and control your life and relationship in different ways throughout your marriage. The biggest challenge is HOW you and your husband deal with it. If you allow her to exercise control or perceived control, she'll take more. If you let her know early on that her control is inappropriate and not welcome, you'll find that you'll probably keep her in check most of your marriage.
One of the most challenging problems for a marriage will be if your husband tries to always please his mother (by letting her have control) and simultaneously tries to please you. It's an absolute recipe for failure and ongoing problems throughout your marriage. I'd recommend investing the time in discussing these issues UP FRONT with your fiance and also considering seeing a marriage counselor as a faciltator for the work that will be required to put you on the right path in your relationship.
Time spent up front in addressing potential problems is worth many times the value of waiting and trying to address them later in a marriage.
If you LOVE him deeply and can deal with these issues in mature and preemptive fashion, then it's probably ok to marry him.
2006-12-26 04:01:05 · answer #1 · answered by Ron R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, if you really love him marry him. Is she trying to control her son with regards to your relationship? If so and your finance does not tell her something then it is something he is accustom to.
The situation may not change until you and him are actually married. This is not a guarantee but eventually she will come to realize that you are a part of his life and as such if she really cares for him and sees that you also really care for him, she might just slowly ease up on you and come to accept and like you.
Keep in mind that no matter where we are in life, we come across people that for some odd reason have a dislike for us, it could have happened to you in school, or even at the work place. And just because these people that have a misconception of you from the beginning without really knowing you, does not mean you drop out of school, change schools, or quit your job until you find everyone that surrounds you loves you 100%. You know it just does not happen. So why would you give in now? Your future mother-in-law will have to just learn to deal with it that her son has gotten to be a big boy and will be starting his own life, but will never forget or stop loving or caring for her as his mother, but he will be making many new decisions in his life with you as his wife.
2006-12-26 04:00:54 · answer #2 · answered by prayingangel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a long time away. If you love this man, then try to stick with it. Could be that with time his mom could come to like and respect you. Think of it from a mother's perspective, you are taking her precious boy away from her and she's probably jealous especially if you are the first really serious relationship he has had. Give it time. You should speak with your fiancee. He can act as mediator between the two of you. He can explain to his mom how much you mean to him and how her being nice to you would mean a lot to him. If by this time next year you feel the same and she is still being a raging witch, then yes call it off. If he hasn't put his foot down with her by then, he never will and you will have this woman controlling every aspect of your lives.
2006-12-26 03:40:22 · answer #3 · answered by Sissy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can tell you from experience here (from the other side of the coin) that your spouse's family matters. I have a very good relationship with them and can't imagine the strain, stress, and additional difficulties of having to deal with a parent that you don't like or get along with. I'd be curious to hear how your fiance handles this. What or how does he react to this? Is he "ok" with it? Does he say you are overreacting? This can be overcome, but it can be a deal breaker later on and I applaud you for thinking about this before you get married - most people don't. Good luck.
2006-12-26 03:40:36 · answer #4 · answered by [><] Rebel 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes....marry him....not everyone finds love don't you dare give that up for anyone! Is he an only child? that may cause some cling for his mom. Talk to her and let her know you love her son and are not trying to take him away from her and ask her why she wants to break you up....tell how you really feel that it hurts your feelings and you want to be able to call her mom and to be there for the future grandchildren ( even if you don't mean it) and if that doesn't work tell your husband you did the adult thing and she still won't budge that way he can start to see its not just you
2006-12-26 04:47:42 · answer #5 · answered by dininat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
: ) I smile cause I know how you feel. It really depends. Does he stand up to his mother or does he side with her or does he do anything at all?
If he stands up to her then you have a good man, if he does either of the other 2 things, especially take her side, you need out of that relationship ASAP! All mother in laws can be controling and overbearing, especially when they don't know the girl who is "taking their precious son whom they've always been close to" away from them. It causes them to not like future daughter in laws for some really strange and unrealistic reasons.
2006-12-26 04:33:02 · answer #6 · answered by mirmade13 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just remember not only are you marrying him you are getting his family too. Maybe you need to sit down with him mom and talk to her, it could just be that she's not dealing well with the knowledge that he has another important woman in his life, I think you need to make it work, if you love him this much then you'll find a way to make it work out.
2006-12-26 03:49:45 · answer #7 · answered by Kitikat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't marry him. Once you get married, it only gets worse.Then he will start choosing her side, more and more. Even if its not happening right now. Then the mother will think you like her, and the abuse, because you stayed with him. It will really set her off to find out your married. It will just make it harder on your marriage. Been there done that.. Am not going to go through it again!
2006-12-26 03:43:20 · answer #8 · answered by just_acali_girl 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Andrea. This is a question you will have to answer yourself, however, let me tell you what I think.
In the end it is not about your "mother in law", it is about your fiance. It is not up to his mother; it is not up to you... It is up to him, because if he is man enough, he is the one that needs to stand up to his mom and say "Mummy, you already had your life, and she isn't marrying you, I want her to be my wife and we need your respect. If you think only you knows what make me happy, then you marry me, otherwise please leave us alone" If he isn't capable to do this, even if you 2 move 200 miles away, you're going to have way too many visits from her. Don't make your decision all by yourself, involve him, and if it doesn't work out fine, then it is time to move on. Don't stay out of pride or to prove anything to her, do it if he really loves you in spite of his mom, or leave him if he doesn't love you.
How to find out? Let him prove it by fighting for you.
God Bless you in your final decision. And remember, it will not be the end of your life, but the beguining of a new one.
2006-12-26 04:11:55 · answer #9 · answered by skydiver 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Girl let me tell you something, I have the MOTHER IN LAW from HELL! This woman has horns. She refused to even drive my husband to the wedding (we were in different hotels the night before)! She told him to choose me or her. Let me tell you he chose me! By getting marreid to you, your husband is choosing his life with you over his mothers wishes. That should mean a lot. I have told my mother in law off many times and she is stating to back down, took 2 years though. It requires patience. But know that your husband want to be with you instead of listening to mommy (think of this and laugh when she starts to piss you off) It works wonders. If you need any advice on the subject let me know i will give you all my tricks!Good luck. She only wants to bring you down, show her that you are not budging!
2006-12-26 05:15:23 · answer #10 · answered by chrissys08 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋