and alot of fits my fiance for instance he doesnt want me to go to school ,he wants us to get marry right away and he wants to smother me . here is the site so you can see it http://organizations.rockbridge.net/projecthorizon/signsofabuser.htm what should i do?
2006-12-26 03:04:30 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i know he mention one time i make him so angry he wants to throw things but all i said is i dont know when i can come see him becacuse he lives miles away
2006-12-26 03:05:19 · update #1
he fits under a least 4 or 5 of these Unemployed or Underemployment Unrealistic Expectations
Emotional Dependency Rigid Gender Roles
High Investment in Marriage Rigid Religious Beliefs
Boundaries Disrespect for Women in General
Quick Involvement Emotional Abuse
Controlling Behavior Isolation
Jealousy Reliance on Pornography
Abusive Family of Origin Sexual Abuse
Low Self - Esteem Cruelty to Animals, Children or Others
Alcohol / Drug Abuse Past Violence*
Difficulty Expressing Emotions Fascination with Weapons*
Blames Others for His Feelings or Problems Threats of Violence*
Hypersensitivity Breaking or Striking Objects*
Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde Any Force During an Argument*
2006-12-26 03:14:18 · update #2
he ask me tan i told him i dont want to he says he will throw sme gasoline on me and strike a match . he also mention if he give me a bullet i would understand better ,he mention opening up my legs stabbing me in the vagina all thiese things he think is a joke but i talk it serious
2006-12-26 03:21:58 · update #3
so if you ask me i already went though mental abuse
2006-12-26 03:22:33 · update #4
he already doesnt want to use condoms and he know that i told him i rather wait till we marry to have sex. i think he wants to get me pregnant he even mention doing the fertility thing and i dont have fertile problems
2006-12-26 03:24:48 · update #5
These are called red flags. Run! If it's like this now believe me it will only get worse. I had to find out the hard way. Please don't let him talk you out of school.
2006-12-26 03:11:24 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Thank God for:
The Internet
Contributors who have supplied such resources as the linked page you've attached.
Four your ability for actually find and apply such information.
Not wanting you to go to school, and smothering you, could be the beginnings of a spider's web developing about you.
If you don't die from the actual bite, you die from starvation.
Good for you -- to reach out and find applicable resources.
Give pause for those who have passed before, where such resources were not freely available.
There is a not so old saying that I find often applies to many areas.
"If it looks like a duck, and quacks like a duck -- it's a Duck"
Although all personal matters are a matter of choice, I would say:
DUMP THE DUCK !!
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Late edit:
Sorry, I only read the initial question, not the later added text.
He sounds like a Real Duck to me.
Forget the personal choice statement I noted earlier --
!! DUMP THE DUCK !!
Enlist friends to support you.
Be firm
Exercise ! CAUTION ! - with any further contact with the Duck.
You should not be alone with him on future contacts.
The qucker and absoulte you end this, the better.
If there is a hint of personal injury, Contact law enforcement, and get your parents or an adult involved.
Good Luck !! BE Careful !!
2006-12-26 11:30:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I left an abusive fiance a couple of weeks ago. He never hit me but was verbally and psychologically abusive: keeping me up all night several days in a row, withholding physical affection, checking my computer to see what websites I had visited, screening our phone calls, accusing me of cheating and planning to leave him, telling me I wasn't fit to eat the food that he bought or use the washing machine in our house--I had to buy my own groceries and keep them in the garage and take my clothes to the laundromat. It was insane. Now that I am out of the situation I can see more clearly how contolling his behavior had been for a long time and how it was getting worse. I believe it would only have been a matter of time before he became physically violent.
What I have learned is to trust your gut. Something led you to look up the signs of abuse. Listen to your instincts, your body and mind are trying to tell you something. A great, supportive website is www.leavingabuse.com
There is a lot of good information there and a wonderfully supportive message board. Hope to see you there.
2006-12-26 11:17:49 · answer #3 · answered by atty2b2012 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Warning Sign!!
If you want to be your own person and get your education then do that. You don't need to be trapped by some insecure control freak. His next move will include a baby, or two or three. You can choose your life right now. Choose right (You may love him but know that you can find healthier love) If you are from a dysfunctional family and this seems normal resist the urge.
2006-12-26 11:21:49 · answer #4 · answered by Sweetgirl 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
people who feel the need to control others can stop it,,they just need to ask for help identifying the feelings,,just because he feels like this doesnt mean it is you with the problem,,for instance,,you go on a works night out,,no partners for a couple of hours,,you are not sure when you are going to be back but think around 11pm..ish,,,,while you are out having a great time your partner calls your mobile,,because of the music and the great time you dont hear it,,,when you get home all your stuff is smashed up,,,he says,,"you lied to me,,you havent been to any party have you,,i called and you ignored me,,i was right to smash up all you stuff" he feels because of his anxiety it was YOUR fault he did this,he doesnt actually see he chose this reaction but would you accept the blame or feel you said you didnt hear the call he made and he should be glad you had a great time? some people never assume blame for their actions and they are the ones who will blame everyone but themselves and not make any effort to change,,those who accept they can control their behavior have a good shot of getting rid of THEIR bad feelings and having a shot at being in a normal relationship.it is his choice,,not yours!!! he needs to ask for help or you are better off without him as given time,,it will get worse.
2006-12-26 11:14:57 · answer #5 · answered by lex 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Run now and make sure to cover your tracks. Get to school to open more opportunities for yourself and never allow a guy like this to convince you that his ideas about the way you should think and behave are really your ideas. Visiting that site and seeing that this relationship is abusive is the first step to finding a relationship that is much more healthy and supportive.
2006-12-26 11:14:18 · answer #6 · answered by marenka 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Two words for you "RUN FAST" get away while you can. People like that have very little chance of changing for the better because they see nothing wrong with the way they are. The only changes you will see will be for the worse.
2006-12-26 11:55:02 · answer #7 · answered by Quix 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If he gets angry and wants to throw things I say we have potential. My ex-husband started out that way and ended up trying to run me over with a car while I was pregnant with our son. Think about anything before you jump into it.
2006-12-26 11:09:07 · answer #8 · answered by min 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If he loves you he should support your dreams also and want you to be the best you can be. If he is trying to hold you back and be controling you should get out now. It will only get worse. Do you really want to be with someone that doesn't care about you and what you want?
2006-12-26 11:06:50 · answer #9 · answered by dana j 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
RUN LIKE HELL! I've been there. He is a control freek and if you stay with him it will get worse. He needs mental help. If you go ahead and marry him it will be your fault because if you have to ask you know what the answer is.
2006-12-26 11:09:28 · answer #10 · answered by *queenfairy1*Antioch California 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋