How do i deal with insecurity?

Question

Hi...i've been in a 5 year relationship with a wonderful guy..and even after al these years..for some reason i'm insecure..how do i get over insecurity? if i see him talking to another girl, i feel extremely insecure and sometimes i get angry at him for it. I need to know how to deal with it so that i can save my relationship...help:(

Answer 1

Are u getting fat? Are u going out of his league? Why do u feel insecure after 5 years?
Start working out....start taking care of ur self.....try to look more pretty...let ur guy come to u instead of u going to him....insecurities will go away automatically

Answer 2

Your situation is rather common. But the great thing is that you have already made the first and most important step toward solving it - YOU RECOGNIZE THAT YOU HAVE A PROBLEM AND YOU ARE NOT IN DENIAL, LIKE MANY OTHERS.

So, here is my answer to your question:

1. Insecurity is one of the most unattractive qualities in both men and women. It suggests our lack of belief in that we are worth being with and our questioning of our own worth quickly becomes repulsive to our romantic partner.

2. Keeping one thing in mind can truly help overcome insecurity: THE ONLY THING THAT KEEPS YOU AND YOUR PARTNER AROUND EACH OTHER IS YOUR D E S I R E TO BE WITH EACH OTHER. Nothing else matters.

3. Calling too much, spending too much time together or expecting the other person to be in constant touch with you is unhealthy, unreasonable and detrimental to a relationship. The common reason for this is when you equate the quality of your life with your relationship. Contrary to what you might believe at this point in your life, when you are obviously madly in love, THERE IS MORE TO YOUR LIFE THAN THAT GUY AND YOU SHOULD NOT NEGLECT OTHER PARTS OF YOU LIFE. Please, please please - pursue other things in your life, whether it's work, school, friends, creative hobbies, etc... Don't let your relationship become an obsession.

4. DON'T ASSUME THINGS. Don't assume that because a guy doesn't call as much or doesn't do a certain thing, he doesn't care. This is simply not true. Don't bring your relationship to a situation where he gets too much of you and gets fed up with you. More love has gone bad becuase of excess attention rather than lack thereof!

5. If you want him to do certain things, such as calling more often - simply tell him in a nice and warm way: "hey, you know it would really make me feel closer to you if you were more consistent in calling." As simple as this. Although, it sounds that your boyfriends calls often enough from what you tell me.

6. There is no better way to show your good qualities that being secure in your relationship and in a guy. If you are confident that he has good reasons to love you and be with you and you don't need to sweat the small things, it will make you all more attractive in his eyes and in the eyes of every other guy.

7. I realize that dealing with your issue will take more than one e-mail or one conversation. It's a process. But hey, if you adopt the advice above and start consciously applying it to your life, things will start changing for better and quickly.

Answer 3

I would think that this would be a hard thing to deal with. It is hard to give advice not knowing why she is there and you are here. It would seem that you would have gone together to me. Whatever the circumstances are you will have to decide if this long distance relationship will work and is there a time frame where she will be coming home so the both of you can continue where you left off. It sound like you need to do some talking with her about the things that have changed and get her feeling on the matter. It may all work out great for both of you and if not, it may not have been meant to be in the first place. This is a tough situation for you and I guess you have to follow your gut feeling on this one. You should be able to tell where things are going by talking to her. Good luck, and I hope things work out for both of you...

Answer 4

You need to find the root of your insecurity. Did you have some sort of bad experience in the past that has caused bad/painful feelings about yourself and a lack of trust in others? If so, get counseling.

If your insecurity is not caused by something definite then - and I know this will go against others' advice - you are focusing too much on yourself and your feelings. Be others-centered and give of yourself and you will find that insecurity is a non-issue.

Answer 5

In my humble opinion insecurity is a defense mechanism. Your relationship with your boyfriend requires trust and communication. He needs to be sensitive to the fact that you are uncomforatble with his getting too close to other women. You need to realize that people are social beings and speaking to women is part of life. As long as his interactions with teh opposite sex is just harmless socializing then you have nothing to be upset about. Your insecurity is your way of protecting your heart. But this behavior will make him uncomfortable and push him away from you ulitmately undermining the foundation of trust that your relationship is built upon.

Talk to your boyfriend. Be honest about your feelings and work through the trouble spots. He needs to be sensitive to your issue and togetehr you can work through it. In time you will be able to allow yourself to be free and open. You will be a happier person and will enjoy life much more. Love yourself first and you will know how to love others (I thank my wife of 5 years for this lesson)

Answer 6

you need to work on the level of trust that you have in terms of him. accept the fact that he has been with you for 5years and you guys are still going strong. is it that you think some one can easily grab him from you? if it is, them you need to have a little more confidence in you self. believe that he belongs to you and that the harmless flirting that he does is just that- harmless.have faith in your relationship and allow yourself to accept the petty things that will take place in life.
it is okay to be insecure when it comes to your man, but after 5 years you should have gotten over that. every time you feel this way whisper to yourself "we belong to each other. we love each other, he is just being a polite person" and smile. after all, i am sure nothing has come of his actions.
good luck.

Answer 7

First, it's REALLY good that you realize how seriously this can affect your relationship. Many, many relationships are destroyed just because one person was insecure. And really, insecurity is all in your head. It can be a very serious issue that can destroy not only your relationship, but your work environment and friendships too. I would actively start trying to work on building up your self esteem!!

What are some ways of dealing with jealousy?

* Develop independence. We need to be sure we are not overly dependant on any one person. We need to focus on the good things we have and not on what we don't have.

* Focus on developing more confidence and attractiveness. Sometimes something simple like getting our hair done or changing our style of clothing can help. Taking a course on self esteem or assertiveness is also beneficial.

* Be honest with yourself. Sit down with paper and list things that are making you jealous. Look at it objectively. Are these things silly or trivial or are they really important?

* Communicate with the person who is the object of your jealousy. Tell them your feelings. Is that person doing something that is causing you to be jealous? Letting them know can often help the problem. If this other person cares for you, they will work on changing the behavior that is adding to your jealousy. Being aware of your feelings can also help you cope better.

Realize that jealousy shows your lack of self esteem and uncertainty of your own worth. Work on taking a really good self evaluation. This experience can be a wonderful learning opportunity for you. Work on communication with other people. Work on developing confidence.

* Study your rival. Look closely at the person you are jealous about. What do you like and dislike about the person? Are his or her qualities beyond your abilities? Be sure you are not being unrealistic about that person. Are you seeing things as they really are? Take control of your feelings. Terminate the relationship if nothing else seems to work. Take the time to concentrate on your own growth. Work at trying to understand and improve your relationship.

* Do not overreact. Remember, most incidents are temporary so don't magnify what happened. Serious jealousy stems from a fear of loss, reputation, control of ourselves, our spouses, or relationships. Losing control of our emotions and feelings will only make things worse.

Answer 8

well, its hard to get over your insecurity. i'd like to say that you are the EXACT same as my boyfriend.. if he sees me talking with another guy, he immediately gets jealous or something. he always yells at me for it, he always gets angry if i talk with another guy. but my boyfriend acts this way because he doesnt trust me. he also is afraid of losing me.. of me cheating on him. i wouldnt ever dream about hurting him, but for some reason he thinks this way. maybe its possible that you feel the same with your boyfriend? that whenever you see him talking with another girl, you automatically assume that you will lose him? ..hun.. if you've been with him for 5 years, and hes been nothing but good to you, i think its time to trust him and not feel insecure about yourself. you shouldnt feel insecure. this wonderful, sweet man has been with you for 5 whole years and yet you can't see yet how wonderful you must be to have such a wonderful man in your life? just promise me you'll think about it... this is something probably that you havent thought about, about you being jealous or not trusting him, but maybe deep inside thats what you're really thinking. also, perhaps you should talk to him about what you're feeling if you havent already. this will make you feel better, and itll make him feel better because this way he knows what you're feeling. the best way is to do some hard thinking, dont break up with him if you love him, and have a serious one-on-one chat with him. i hope it works out, and i hope you wont be insecure any longer-- because im sure your boyfriend doesnt like it if you yell at him for talking with other girls, i know i dislike it when my boyfriend yells at me for talking with other guys. just talk to him, it'll work out sooner or later, i promise!

hope i helped hun!

Answer 9

If you aren't married after 5 years, no wonder you're insecure.
A long term relationship requires commitment.

Answer 10

Mary went to the Priest and confessed ' Everytime I see him talking to another women, I get insanely jealous Father. What should I do?'. 'And do you suspect that he is having an affair with any of them?' asked the Priest. 'Not at all Father, I know in me heart and soul he is faithful' Mary replied in all honestly. 'Well now, my child' the Priest reassured her 'sure it doesn't matter where he works up an appetite, provided he has all his meals at home'............