Why are mother in laws controling of their sons?

Question

I ahve been engaged for a while, My fiance and i plan to get married in 2008... my fiance lives with his mother for now..but she is always trying to spilt us up all the time and trys to not let us see eachother.. my xmas sucked yesterday cuz she tried keeping him home.. well hes trying to be good cuz hes trying to get his name in his truck..so i havent seen him over a week and i was supos eto see him yesterday and she wouldnt let him leave and when he was on the phoen with me.. she tried getting him off of it.. my fianbce is like 19 and im almost 18.. weve been toegther for a long while. but his mother has always been controling over him.. i love him alot and i no longer want to continue fighting with his mother and im not really wnating her at our wedding cuz i can see her ruining it. what should i do?

number 1... i have been nic eto this women all the time,she is rude to me since day one..she has never gotten the chance to know me. get the facts straight on that one. umm... he is a grown man, and is gonna be moving out here soon.. but... im just trying to understanmd why his brother is so against me..

number 1... i have been nic eto this women all the time,she is rude to me since day one..she has never gotten the chance to know me. get the facts straight on that one. umm... he is a grown man, and is gonna be moving out here soon.. but... im just trying to understanmd why his mother is so against me..

Answer 1

A bit of advice. This is coming from someone who has been there before. Me and my husband are now married and his mother has learned to deal with it.
#1: Don't ever and I mean ever say anything bad about his mother to him. He will hold it against you. I did it once and believe me...I still hear about it once in a while. Not as bad anymore...but it does come up.
#2: This is going to be very hard...but trust me...it works. Let his mother have her way. He will see for himself what his mother is doing. When he says that he can't do something because his mother needs him for something...tell him okay. Then make plans with your friends. Go out - let him wonder what you are doing.
#3: Continue to be nice to his mother. Afterall, she will be your mother-in-law.
Mothers seem to get crazy when their little boys grow up and find someone to spend the rest of their lives with. She probably thinks that you are both too young to get married. My mother got married when she was 18 and if she were still alive, they would have been married 55 years this year.
The way I look at things...he's going to do whatever he wants to do. And by you getting all upset with him - that will cause a fight and now you won't see him. So like I said...let him do what he has to do. If he loves you...he will see the light and what his mother is trying to do. He will also miss you. And by you going out with your friends, you will also get some independance and he will make sure he is with you more often.
You sometimes have to play these stupid little games. It sucks but it does work.
Good luck! And hopefully your new year will start off on a good note.

Answer 2

Some mothers don't want to let go of their sons. They will destroy any possibility of him finding happiness, if allowed to. At this point, the mother isn't the problem. Your fiance is. He's not standing up to his mom as he should.

How is it that his mother wouldn't let him leave yesterday? Is he a prisoner in her home? Moreover, if you haven't seen this man for over a week, who's fault is that? And what do you mean by "he's trying to be good"? Is he a man or a little boy?

You have two choices: Put some demands on your fiance now, or wait until you're married (if you can make it to that point) to deal with this problem. Either way, your situation is not going to change until your man puts a stop to his mother's behavior. If he is slow in doing so, yours will continue to be an unhappy relationship.

BTW: You also have a third choice, and that is to break off the engagement until your fiance grows up.

Answer 3

I see red flags here. First of all, all mothers-in-law are NOT controlling (I certainly am not). But YOUR sweetheart still lives at home with his mother!!! He is not acting like a real man. If he is a man, he will move out and get his own apartment! Unless he is willing to move out and live on his own, he must follow his mother's rules because he is still living like a boy in HER house. Get it? It's not her....it's HIM sweety. You are only 17 years old. You have plenty of time. Meanwhile, you need to consider several options. First, you can find another boyfriend who is already out on his own. Second, you can get smart and realize that you have to invite his mother to your wedding, and be respectful of her and nice, because otherwise you'll be making an enemy for life and ruining YOUR FUTURE CHILDREN's chances of seeing their grandmother (and they'll resent YOU for that). Third, stop blaming the mother and start blaming the boy for letting this happen. You should be RESPECTFUL of his mother, not fighting with her. Earn her trust and her love and you will have a good relationship for life. It sounds like you have been a pain in the side to this woman and you are only hurting yourself because of it, so she now doesn't want him to see you. Learn a lesson from this.

Answer 4

You are both still very young and this is perfectly normal. His mom will learn to let go when he learns to have his own life. Even then moms of sons like to control. Hence the mother inlaw jokes.
I can tell you, that by your description, if you marry this guy you life will be hell because of her. I suggest you think about the fact that she will then be in your world forever, or until you divorce or die!!!! I married one like this and my life is hell because of her.
BEWARE!!!! There is no escaping her. He will always love dear old mom and you will have no choice in the matter. I know this cause we even moved away and she still made me miserable. This has been the source of many of our fights over the years. He will never stay away from her, nor will he stand up to her and make her stop it. Please hear what i am saying here! Rethink your plan!!!!!!!!!

Answer 5

My fiance is 30 and his mother sounds a lot like your future mother in law. It finally took us just not having anything to do with her or the rest of his family for her to get the idea. This isn't the ideal solution, it makes my fiance's relationship with his family even worse than it was. For us, it was the only solution. I don't know if she's doing some of the things his mother was doing, a lot of which were flat out crazy, but if you can both sit down and talk things out with her it may help. If it makes things worse, however, see if your fiance is willing to try to move out before you get married. Sometimes a little distance can do a world of good.

Answer 6

#1 you two are TOO young to even talk about marriage (ridiculous) #2 of course he is a mamas boy- he is STILL a baby himself. You need to get a grip and a reality check missy. Do these facts mean the mother should behave this way? NO, but your whole question is ridictulous to me because you both are babies.

Answer 7

MOTHER-IN-LAWS ... mother in laws are not all created equal. I think the misunderstanding from mother in laws and mothers for that matter is that they, for the most part want to help. Problem is that they want to use their own wisdom, and thus conflict with the new wifes wisdom and the choices between wife and husband (son) come to bear. I think if I had to do it over again, would sit them both down, and tell them both that if we want opinions, we will ask .. dont give it to us when we dont ask.
Remember the vows you toook .... you are to cleeve to one another, which means to leave the in-laws, in their own world ... and not to bring them with you .....
Lean on each other, and if there is "string" issues, bothersome in law, then both of you should stop the intrusive opinionated ways of that woman ...

Answer 8

Well, parents are always going to protect their children. Add to that the fact that both he and you are in your teens, and she may be trying to keep you two from getting married too young and struggling. you may want to talk to your fiancee alone about this, then see if the two of you can sit down with her and talk. You can probably understand her point better, and if she sees that this bothers you both so much, and that it is hurting him, she may back down. If that doesn't work, you may want to consider the fact that she may cause fights for the two of you later in life, and if that is something you are going to be OK with.

Answer 9

Moms are very protective of there sons. My mom dont like my bro's girl all that much. She does try to keep the piece tho! Sounds to me like you too need to get married so he can get out of his moms house and be with you! Once you are married for a while and she see's how good you are to him, she may warm up. Untill then hold your breath and hope it gets better with time. Its just the way it is!

Answer 10

A mother will always feel threaten of a female becoming involved with their son. Now since you have made plans to marry she feels more threaten because she knows that she is about to loose her son to another woman.