i grew up in an abusive home mom and dad both hurt me?

Question

My fiance told me if he ever hit him me hit him back real hard?
he told me it take alot for him to want to hit a women


i know he jokes with me like saying he throw some gasoline on me and strike a match to make me tan and he said he give shoot a bullet and that will make me understand but he says it in a joking manner


do you think he is the violent type ? or he is just speaking in general he claims he will not hurt me

im confuse i dont know what to do

i told him know i dont trus him but he also mention that one of his ex slept with a knife under the pillow so i dont know if he have commit harm or not he just makes me wonder i almost feel like i should have my guard up with him i know he have command me to pick up the phone using the word now

he doesnt want me to go to college or work he told me he needs me to take care off him. he also mention to me im to soft and he have to find a way to make me where im not so kind .he suggest i tone up my body do some body building

BUT IT WORRIES ME IM THIINKING IF HE MAKE THEM JOKES HES THINKING ABOUT DOING IT HE ALSO SAID HE TAUGHT ABOT RAPING ME STABBING A KNIFE IN ME AND HANDCUFF MY HANDS TO A BED

Answer 1

He sounds a little on the odd side....I was in an abusive relationship and it always starts out with abusive talk. The husband I now have would never say those things to me...some things you just dont talk about or say.......I would be very careful and watch him. If you feel any uneasiness get out before it is too late...like when you already have kids or married...or too late because your life has ended early.

Answer 2

Now I get the whole thing right! Dad rude to mom results in mom rude to children results in this.. The problem actually starts from ur dad.. I believe that what ur mom is doing is very much right! Being a wife she has the right to be treated by her husband, but sadly she wasn't. This must have stopped when u guys were born and then cz of some reasons it started again.. Donot put the blame on ur dad, although he has to be blamed.. settle a face to face conversation between ur parents and ur siblings, all together in one room and ask them what is the problem! U said u have the right to be protected eh? Complain on that day and ask him why she got what he deserved. Certainly one of the parent will put the blame on the other and then an argument will start but plz try that it doesn't happens.. I do hope u find ur answer soon somewhere by someone.... A Dude! =P ______________________________________... juvegirl's answer is good and do ask her regarding all this stuff as she said she has experienced all this..

Answer 3

those alarms going off in your brain are a warning device... this guy seems a bit immature.

you need too make a stand in your mind right now that if he truely loved you he would be sempathetic too how you feel regarding those issues. My wife's father was heavy into alchohal... I like too drink but when she told me that story I have never drank since as my love for her was greater then alcohal and I made the right choice.

do not let that kind of attitude be around you, it will paralize you and you could become the same victum.... tell this too your b/f, and if he ever touches your in an abusive way...assure too him that at some point in his life he has too close his eye's too sleep.
Although he may never wake up.......

Answer 4

I think you have to go with your own feelings on this. Have you ever witnessed him exhibiting a temper? Is he kind and gentle? From what you told us, I'd say no, but that was very little information. Just keep your eyes open and get out at the first, and I mean FIRST sign of trouble. Make NO allowances.

Answer 5

He should understand not to make jokes like that knowing what kind of situation you use to be in. U should have a serious talk with and him tell him that you feel uncomfortable with him making violent jokes.

Answer 6

My, dear, that is NOT speaking in general, and not kidding. Did you ever hear of anyone else saying things like that to a "loved one"? He said it takes alot for him to WANT to hit a woman. Get away from this idiot...quick. He's telling you ahead of time how he 'might' be, because when it happens (and it WILL), he can say, "I TOLD you I was like that in the beginning, so you knew ahead of time what you were getting into".. And you DO...so run!

Answer 7

I'm sure he knows how you grew up, but yet he threatens you with violence?
What that sounds like to me hon, is that he is trying to force some kind of control over you.
That doesn't sound healthy for you. After what you have been through in the past, wouldn't you want a healthy, loving relationship?
Good luck in whatever you decide. : )

Answer 8

Throwing gas on a person and a match is a good way to give them a tan. He might be right. No I don't think he is the violent type. He is a nice guy. You should stick with him.

Answer 9

You deserve better then this. He is bad news, leave him. If you had been loved and cared for as a child you would not need to ask this question. Counseling will help you build your self-esteem and undo the damage your "parents" did

Answer 10

some people who see you worried about certian things, will make it joke. If you are worry they will make it more worry in they way like they are joking. just ask your heart if he could be violant some time or you believe that he is only joking? just ask your heart and it will give you best advice.