How can i guide my nephew to be brought up properly?

Question

My brother has split up from his child's mother and i do not agree with the way she brings him up, he is only 17 months old but he hits people and wont take no for an answer, if you tell him off he just hits your hand away, she lets him walk round with food which gets everywhere, he doesn't have a sleeping pattern so he is always grumpy and what he wants he gets. Is there any way that i can help guide him to behave without looking like the nasty aunt?

Answer 1

The best thing you can do in your position is be kind and supportive to your brother. You really have no say over the child and any kind of interference or opinions from you will seem rude and disrespectful. Do whatever you can to distract yourself from it when you are around them and don't dwell on it.

Be a good example and a good sister and bite your tongue.

Answer 2

Offer to babysit and instill your rules. Bath bedtime story and sleep. Children love rules and regulations it gives them stability. Mum could also do with some time off. She will appreciate it, not at first maybe she may see it as interference. The important thing is not to make her feel inferior. That little boy is her life and she would kill for him, guide them round slowly but don't ever dictate what is right or wrong! Good luck and Happy New Year.xx

Answer 3

This will be tough because you are not around him all the time. You can get him to behave one way with you but he will behave a different way with his mom around since that is what he is used to. Make sure you stick to your no's and your yes. Do not be too overbearring either saying no all the time, only when appropriate. A child has a right to explore but he has a right to have manners also. Lots of hugs and kisses won't hurt either that way he will know he is loved and you care for him.

Answer 4

The biggest part of raising any child up properly is to keep them on a STRICT schedule with repetition being the key. It may seem as though the child is not listening, but after they hear you say the same thing like 3 million times, the feeling and the message will start to sink in and be instilled in them. You CANNOT drink or do drugs (please excuse me sounding preachy, but it is the Stone Cold truth and that, my friend, is the bottom line). The mother sounds like she really needs to get her s**t together. I'm going through the same tyhing with my ex-wife. I'm getting clean for the sake and the miracle that is my son, and she is choosing to stay stuck in her hole of addiction and chemical dependency. The absolute GREATEST most important thing that you can do for ANY child, no matter how young (regardless of whatever f**ked up situation the parents are in the midst of) is to be happy and to make sure to show them that you are. Even at a few months of age, and even especially at a young age, children are their most receptive. Don't EVER take their abilities of intuition and understanding for granted. Also, it's best to keep them occupied at ALL times. Rather than reprimand or threaten them (they always see through that ole' B.S.) try to redirect them by taking their focus off of the negative and have them do something that they like to day (playing, reading, NOT T.V........and I repeat, NOT TELEVISION; it is one of the most terrible habits that you can help them to form. Kids rule. God bless you and the best of luck. NEVER give up hope.

Answer 5

No, not really. Unfortunately part time discipline is virtually useless. I have had a similar situation with my own sister and her children, and I was never able to get anything long term accomplished. Your only hope is, if you have a good relationship with the mother, suggest parenting classes. Or have the young mans father request it in the divorce, or support hearing.
Good Luck, and good for you for trying.

Answer 6

Yes if he was my nephew, then I would tell him right from wrong.
If the parents get mad then you need to tell them that he needs
to learn and apparently he is not learning it from his parents.
And as long as he is around you, You will continue to disciplined
him. No child should be allowed to hit anyone or walk around with
food. That is why people have a dinning table. As for sleeping and
as soon as 8 or 9 pm comes ,then it is time to go to bed, this happens only when he is in your house. Then you can train him
what time he should go to bed, pretty soon he'll catch on. My
grand-duaghter was the same way only with the sleeping pattern
when she would come over she would have to go to bed when I
say to go to bed, not when she says she is tired. Then again she
would tell me I'm not tired, I would tell her little girls and little boys
need their beauty rest and that they need to go to bed early, so
by 9 she was in bed and sometimes she will wait for me, but I
will always tell her Grandma always watches the news. Now
she know to go to bed early when she comes over. She is only
four, now I'm doing this with my youngest grand-daughter she
is a year old. If they don't start now he will be a hand full as he gets older. So since they don't want to step in then you step in
while you are sitting for him, I know I would if he was my nephew.

Answer 7

Yes. Whenever they are at your house it is the mothers responsibility to ensure that her child behaves by YOUR rules. My father had a problem with some of my little cousins like that. It was really simple. They were playing in the curtains with the obvious goal of breaking them.

He looked at them, firmly (and loudly with a deeper tone) said "Brian, you need to leave that alone, or you'll be in trouble" He looked at him while he was talking and they made eye contact. He didn't listen, but you could see he was testing.

He started playing with the curtain again so my dad got up, went over there and popped him on his diaper. Not hard enough to hurt, barely hard enough to feel. "I said not to play with that or you'd be in trouble". He picked him up, walked over to the couch and set him down and told him not to leave until he said it was ok.

The kid sat there for the 4 minutes and never went back to the curtain. He never tested my father again, if he was told "No" by my father, he stopped.

The kid is still HORRIBLE to his mother and won't listen at all but is a perfect angel at our house.

Hopefully he grows up and adjusts his own attitude. Some kids grow up and realize they want more then their parents and need to change their ways (same cousin did!)

Answer 8

Maybe you could give the mother some advice and also buy her some books on bringing up children The authour james dobson has written some good books and Toddler Taming is also a good book.

Answer 9

Unfortunately there's not much you can do. A 17-month-old isn't really capable of being disciplined yet. And the sleep patterns won't kill him. You can gently guide them to make good decisions, but that's about it.

Answer 10

This is a difficult situation to be in - if you try and force your opinions on your ex sister in law she will only push you away and cause an atmosphere.

Just try and understand things from your nephews point of view and assure him you understand him - it will be nice for him to have an aunt he can talk to in time.