Do I have a reason to be upset?

Question

I have a problem with my bf of 5yrs. I'm going to try and be completly honest! This yr he got me nothing for xmas! Thru out the yr he gives me money when i ask and buys me things if i ask (which i barely ever do) we live together, he pays all the rent and i pay all the utilities, we split grocerys. Its basicilly a good releationship. We both have anger issues but when we fight we can both just stop and make each other laugh and talk it out. For his b-day in october I took him to dinner and spent the night at a hotel he likes. for my b-day which was friday he basicly did the same cause i love staying in hotels. We both spent about the same amount of $. For xmas he got me nothing and says that he went broke cause he spent it all on my b-day which is bulls**t cause he bought himself a new outfight and shoes on my b-day. I paid $165.00 bill for his xmas present for him. Then i tell him about & he says he spent $600.00 on my bday, lie cause i was there when he paid for dinner & hotel.

I know xmas isnt about getting gifts but i just feel realy used and i was really looking forward to unwrapping something!!

Answer 1

somethings up with this Guy even if he was broke he could have bought you a little something or say sorry but your present is coming late. but just keep it cool for now see what happens in the next few weeks maybe he has a surprise for New Years planned?

Answer 2

The main thing that I see wrong here is that he didn't tell you ahead of time that he wasn't going to get you anything. He let you build your expectation based on your past good experiences with him. I don't know when your birthday is but if it was a couple of weeks ago and then you want him to spend another round of big bucks then you could be more understanding. On the other hand, it appears that he didn't budget well and didn't have enough money to get you a card and at least a small token gift that could still be thoughtful. In my case I had to tell my girlfriend that I couldn't buy her the gift I wanted because it was gone from the store I was going to get it from. It was a beaufitul scarf that I knew she would have loved and I did see it in early November but we were together shopping. A couple of days later I took ill for almost two weeks and it was hard to get my work back on track. By the time I remembered about the scarf it was already sold out. I told her that the special gift was gone but I would make it up to her. I was able to still get her a couple of thoughtful things that she appreciated and a special card telling her how I felt about her. She was gracious and still smiled and I'm glad I was open with her a few days BEFORE Christmas so she wasn't as disappointed as you were this time.

So, talk to him. Don't yell. Don't be angry. Just tell him what you expected. Then tell him how he could have told you so you wouldn't have been so upset. If you can do this then he can do better next time. Good luck!

T

Answer 3

No, you don't.

Think about the way you feel about him the rest of the year and not just the few days of it that are considered of sentimental significance but, have really come to mean a commercial holiday. Try to view, not just these "special ocasions", but a more holistic picture of your life with him.

In general terms, you should come to realize that you are happy not because of him but, with him.

Gifts are great to give and recieve as a token of a valued relationship but, are not really required to maintain and strentghen it. If any relationship does, it is doomed to co-dependency. One can only give to a certain point both, monetary and emotionally wise.

The monetary value or the absence of a gift does not equate to the emotional value or the absence of love or value from that person. The bigger issue is the "place" you have assigned to each other in your lives. None of you should be at a superior level to the other such as master and slave. You are partners, not just in the rent and utilities but existentially. There is a lot of "US" involved but it needs to come without losing perspective of the "I" or "ME".

You only get upset, frustated really, when your expectations are not met but, expectations will most of the times obscure a true feeling of surprise and end up making you bitter towards the source of what was expected (even if it is yourself.) However, if you expect perfection but accept flaws and work on eliminating them permanently (as you seem to be doing), these minor setbacks could eventually become statistically none existent.

Answer 4

Are you two trying to outdo each other on who spends how much on whose b-day? Can i suggest that you open a kitty where you drop in a few bucks every so often in equal contribution and on the b-days split it out and just buy each other gifts,that way no one feels cheated.

Should you be upset? Thats normal, but you know all you need to do is ask ( you barely do) this is one of those times that you must ask!

Answer 5

Geeze, you poor abused little girl!!! If you feel so "abused", take a hike! You guys are both basing your relationship on a dollar bill....and that is just plain pitiful. What did you get HIM for Xmas? You're a big baby, honey. Stop counting dollar signs and next year tell the guy what you want for Xmas if he's still with you. You and he both have a problem....and it's
called "greed".....you're made for one another.

Answer 6

Well that was wrong of him not to get you a little something especially being the thought that counts he could have got a flower from a garden your in your right to be a little upset.But keep in mind that when you give you give it is out of kindness and love not who can spend more i think your relationship needs to be thought over a BIT.

Answer 7

Yes! Even a broke man can come up w/ something to give you to show he cares. That was wrong of him. I can understand if he did not have the money and that is ok but for him to just give you nothing and then use the excuse of your bday is not right. He could have used his imagination to show you your special to him.

Answer 8

A relationship between people with anger issues who fight over who spent how much on who to get what material things. Yeah.....sounds like a great relationship.

Answer 9

specific, i think of you have reason to sense upset. and you ought to tell him that. a minimum of he ought to have expressed to you that he desires you ought to come, yet he hopes this is happy with you if he is going, understanding you won't be ready to. additionally, however, you have the terrific suited to ask for day without work from time to time. pass to Hershey Park which comprise your boyfriend. if your boss gets upset, then so be it. tell him you have no longer asked for day without work in a at the same time as and you sense you have worked tricky and deserve it.

Answer 10

Yes he is cheap and thoughtless. Many relationships end over money issues. Overall, if you want to keep this relationship going, you may have be a little forgiving on money issues. I would tell him it hurt your feelings that he gave you nothing though.