Me and my gf have been together since my freshman year of HS (5 years). We have both had it sorta rough, with many family issues (my mother ran away, hers cheated and kicked her and her dad out) and i think because of these things we became really dependent on eachother. And in a lot of ways, these things hold us back in our ralation ship and even in some aspects of our personalitites with other people.
Well, her deal is this: She is under constant anxiety, maybe because of how strict her father was/is For example, he and siblings were scared to death to watch TV around him or eat bad foods around him(for fear of ridicule) when she was younger (like 10-13) She now worries about everything, to the smallest detail. but especially things about me like "do i really like him" "is he what i want" and just many other similar and even crazy sounding worries. Yet i feel that i am POSITIVE that she is deeply in love with me, something which she reassures me of often. is this anxiety or more?help
2006-12-25 19:51:15 · 10 answers · asked by mike 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
hmm i guess i should give more info. She worries and feels like shes being MEAN to me as well. Like the worries she has are hurtful. but as i have told her, they are just uncomfortable to hear sometimes, and i keep telling her to deal with them on her own and stop relying on me, but i think she really isnt able to someitimes. so its not a worry of me cheating (she knows i never would) she has low self esteem and feels like she is mean and not good enough. even though i reassure he so much that this is not the case, it still affects her
2006-12-25 20:00:09 · update #1
A few things...
thanks for the ideas, its good to hear some of the things ive been thinking bounced back to me. I appreciate the thought on the matter.
Counseling is something ive considered (even as recentlly as last week, as something to do over this break from college/stress etc)
and also, my spelling is horrid b/c i cant type ;) but thanks haha
ty all again
2006-12-25 20:15:58 · update #2
Well, it doesn't seem that strange for someone who's had every decision she made since childhood questioned to be unsure of herself. Still this sounds like a very unhealthy thing for both of you. I would strongly recommend counseling. It can be a family counselor, a pastor, or even an older couple who's been together for a long time that you guys look up to and trust. She needs to see her worries through other people's eyes, see how silly they are and learn how to deal with them.
Talk to her, explain how much you want to strengthen your relationship and your future together, then invite her to go to counseling with you.
Good luck.
2006-12-25 19:58:59 · answer #1 · answered by yishor 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think the both of you need to go for counselling to understand yourselves and each other better. Have some sessions in private and some together. Your counsellor will be able to help determine this. Both of you have brought into the relationship your own set of issues and this has taken a toll on both. Realise it or not, both might have adopted some of your parents' habits (eg. how they quarrel, how they handle relationships) and how they are have affected your views in life and love. Seems like your gf fear stems from the fact that she has seen a failed relationship and is now afraid that she will make the wrong choice and end up like her parents. She will need to find herself and be strong enough to not let her past influence her. I've been thru the same thing and realised a lot of things abt myself..it'll be a painful process but it will help both of you in the long run cos you are self-aware and hence are in more control of how you want your life to turn out. Help her with her fears...be there for her and vice versa. This will be a really trying time but it will get better. Even if things dun work out for you both, you 2 will emerge stronger ppl and that's what a relationship should be about; bringing out the best in each other. I wish you all the best and take care!
2006-12-25 20:03:01 · answer #2 · answered by Caroline R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know exactly how she REALLY feels. As I am and have been in her position.
A long time ago when i was about 6 years old i got yelled at for doing something i didn't know i shouldn't do. And ever since that day i have this feeling of being shy and aware to not be slutty/sleasy/taking advantage of things and people. This is REALLY another reason why i am a sensitive and soft person.
I say if you do REALLY love her you will stay with her forever and try and help her out RIGHT to the best you can give her. But if she is REALLY not your type and not worth helping out because she abuses you then dump her and move on.
Yes it can be anxiety caused to make her feel tense. Which can lead to upsetness and depression because she is not getting the RIGHT help she REALLY needs.
Love Amie A
2006-12-25 20:10:40 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, congrats for being articulate and able to spell and use proper grammar. This site brings a lot of people who are not so intelligent. You seem like you have a logical grip on what is going on and you both seem to love eachother. I am thinking she has a lot of self doubt issues as to her decision making skills since her father left her with insecurities as to her level of common sense. I also think that since you got together so young, it is easy to look at the mistakes in this age of relationships and start questioning things. On top of it you have been together so long and at such a time of growing and exploring, maybe she feels like she missed out on some of that. Your best bet is to be loving and kind and wait to see where things take you. Don't pressure her. Let her find her own way to cope. Good luck!
2006-12-25 20:08:41 · answer #4 · answered by xovenusxo 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd have to say that it's time to split up. Having had relationships like yours where there were family/psychological issues, I can say that they have never turned out good. I finally met (and married) a woman that didn't come with all that baggage. You can't be more than about 20. If you've only dated the same girl for 5 years, you have a lot to learn. You only think you feel strongly about this girl because you haven't experienced the emotions that other (some better and some worse) women can share with you. If you stick with this girl, you are likely setting yourself up for a serious fall.
2006-12-25 20:03:55 · answer #5 · answered by billb_tx 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
awww.
you care about her so much i can tell.
the reason she is so stressed is because she is affraid to disapoint anybody.
she needs to know that you will accept her with flaws and all.
being corrected and scared your whole life really takes time to heal it and lots of support and acceptance.
i think she needs you.
maybe you should tell her that her anxiety is making you wonder if you two will work out, just make sure she knows you want it to.
2006-12-25 19:59:07 · answer #6 · answered by Brittany 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well buddy.......Im sure she loves you very much and the anxiety is just worries that you might cheat on her (im sure you wouldnt) as your parents have done.
My advice to you is to assure her that you love her (if your do) and you wouldnt never hurt her.
Make sure she knows that she is wanted and safe ;)
Good Luck !!
2006-12-25 19:56:30 · answer #7 · answered by GamersDelight 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you need break from each other,and see how you feel,when you a part,and than make decision what to do.
2006-12-25 19:57:22 · answer #8 · answered by kitty 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
do you want to continue in problems can you handle them all the time
2006-12-25 19:56:13 · answer #9 · answered by Brett S 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
simple... if the good out weighs the bad, then its worth it :)
2006-12-25 19:55:53 · answer #10 · answered by Project808 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋