My daughter is 6 years old and attends a one room school house. She has two ther little girls that are in her grade, one is new to the school this year. The other was her best friend last year and half of this year. A couple months ago we noticed a big change in my daughter's behavior, and this weekend finally got our answers that we have been looking for. The "best friend" (who is also 6) called our house and left a really nasty message saying that she and the other little girl didn't want to be my daughter's friend anymore. The "best" stated that my daughter was ugly and wore ugly clothes, and that my husband isn't funny and some that I was really fat and stupid. I was shocked that a child would talk like this. I am not sure what other parents would do in this situation so I am looking for help. What should I do? What would you do?
2006-12-25 19:14:18 · 17 answers · asked by Someonesmommy 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
Ouch. How hurtful for all of you. Three is such a bad number - particularly with little girls. A similar 'exclusion' thing was happening with my daughter - the difference being that I knew about it from early on. At one point she was part of the pairing (leaving out the other girl), and soon after she was the one left out. I knew this was going to happen, and told her so - that her mean behaviour would soon come back to haunt her. There was one girl that was pulling the strings - playing the other two off against each other. Sounds like a similar thing is happening with your daughter too.
I strongly believe that this stuff needs parent intervention. The only way that it will stop is for each girls' parents to tell them it must stop. I found that I had to help my daughter understand the basics - talking daily about such things as 'when Jane asked you to play at lunchtime, did you make sure that Sally was invited too' kind of thing. However, none of the effort would have worked if all three families weren't doing the same.
I can only imagine how hurt your daughter must be. An essential first step is to talk to the other girls' parents, and to your daughter's teacher. And give your daughter lots of space to talk about her feelings, and help build her skills (or 'emotional toolbelt') to respond/manage when the girls are being mean. Also look for opportunities to expand your daughter's friendship group - organise play dates with girls in younger or older grades.
The other girls cruel behaviour has got to stop - bullying (and that's exactly what they're doing) can have such serious and enduring effects on a child. If you're not satisfied with the response from the other parents and the teacher, you might have to look at changing schools.
I hope this is of some help - this stuff is soooo hard, and I'm sharing the little I learnt from my daughter's experience. Breaks your heart to see your little one hurting like this, hey....very best of luck.
2006-12-25 19:46:46 · answer #1 · answered by Lulu666 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
With a 5 year old myself, first re-assure your daughter that she is pretty, beautiful, and that those things that were stated if she heard it were not true.
Addressing this issue towards the other 'friend' would be a massive no no, simply next time erase the message and tell your daughter that nothing was left. And address the issue towards her parents asking why? I'm sure it was a simple argument that made the machine fill up with such comments. And you and everyone in the world know even 6 year olds argue...but things will work out.
I'v encountered it with my 5 year old daughter...
2006-12-25 19:24:40 · answer #2 · answered by wicked_dreamz4u 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW I can't imagine a 6 year old doing this can you imagine what she will be like as a teenager. It may be worth calling the parents but I may be wrong but if the child is using the phone at 6 wouldn't the parents know what they are saying? It may be time to look at another school if possible even if it is further away. The damage this is going to do to your daughter isn't worth it. If this girl is happy to leave this message on your machine then what is she saying to your girls face
2006-12-25 20:06:08 · answer #3 · answered by Rachel 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My ex best friend did the same thing to me, but im 12. IMed me, calling me a suck-up and a loser. She ditched me for another girl to be friends with and wore matching outfits. what that girl did was mean and wrong. isnt the six yr old supposed to be playing with barbies, not calling others houses and being spiteful. i would call the parents,talk to them and let ur daughter ( if she wants) to talk to the other girl. keep the message saved and dont delete it, because most likely the other parents think there kid is an angel. if u must contact the school. good luck and stop it now before she gets older!
-Mariah
2006-12-25 20:48:23 · answer #4 · answered by Mariah 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The best solution to your problem is to call the parents of the children and let them know what is going on and arrange to have the girls sit down together and talk. As parents you guys should encourage these girls to be friends. From an educator's point of view I would advise you not to get to overly involved in this or the many other incidents your daughter will become involved in throughout her years. Kids are going to be kids. I 've seen adults get too emotionally involved and destroy a wonderful opportunity for there child to learn about how to cope and have healthy friendships. Its hard seeing our children hurt but its thur pain we grow and become better people.
2006-12-26 04:06:48 · answer #5 · answered by spirit2 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i have a six year old too. she likes to talk on the phone..but isn't very good at dialing ...so that makes me wonder??? how was she able to leave a message with out mom knowing??....any way....if my child was the "bully" i would want to know ASAP. if she left a message like that and i found out later and was never told, i would be upset!!!!
i suggest you talk to the teacher...get any new information...she sees them together a lot more than you do!!!!!!
then you have two choices..IMO. (1) have a little chat with the little girls parents!!!! fill them in on what is going on and see if you guys can all work together to work things out.
OR (2) you be the fun family...invite each girl over (separatly) and bake cookies and watch a movie and have a nice fun time....don't go all out and spend tons of money on either of the girls, but have nice day or even sleep over. i would invite the new girl FIRST!! YOU talk to mom and set it up. don't have your DD invite her!!!!
(sounds like the new girl might have felt left out and is turning the best friend against your DD. )
have "the bully" come over one day, the "best friend" the next...and maybe then you can have them all three over.....stay close to monitor though!!! if you work it ....you can show the new girl that you guys are a normal nice happy fun loving family.....and when she accepts your DD, the old best friend will stay "the old best friend". your DD is only 6....her friends are too young....don't hold grudges. i know what they said was hurtful to you....i would be sad for my DD. but having kids over to play is the fastest way to clear up this kind of drama at this age.
good luck!!!!!
2006-12-26 01:42:49 · answer #6 · answered by candy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would contact the child's parent's. I would keep the message and play it back to them and then I would talk with the school to working towards a goal of respecting other students. In such a small school the teacher is likely to know that something has been going on. Do not allow someone to disrespect your child and your family. Take a stand.
2006-12-25 19:24:09 · answer #7 · answered by EmmaLee 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Discuss this casually as soon as you can with all parents and their teacher in a quick afterschool conference. Just call the school and tell them you want this meeting arranged right away. Keep your child home from school until after the meeting. Consider homeschooling if the new nasty child has equally nasty parents. If the parents are decent folks, all of you stay out of it and let the girls figure it out.
2006-12-25 19:25:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Obviously you must contact the child's parents! Six is really young to be bullying, but really young to make such phone calls. The parents must be contacted. I feel bad for your child having to attend school with these two winners. Too bad there's nothing you can do about that since it's such a small school. Is your daughter upset?
2006-12-26 00:26:52 · answer #9 · answered by ReeberKaseyMarcus 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it is hard to exsplain to a young child that other children can be mean.
i to have had to exsplain that other kids can be mean sometimes and the best thing to do is to move on from it.
my daughter is a bit slower in some areas and it is harder for her to understand why people act the way that they do. i told her that they are just not good freinds and if they are going to say that then they are not your firends to begin with.
she seems fine with that..
as a parent all we really can do is confert our children when these things happen.
but regardless it wasn't right for those children to say what they did and what you should is contact their parents and tell them what they have done. because personaly it sounds like something a adult would say infront of a child or something. bring it to their parents attention that you do not condone that type of talk or behaviour..
2006-12-28 12:52:43 · answer #10 · answered by tealee 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋