I've been dating him for 3 1/2 years... they dont know we're together and have no idea that im considering marriage... i didnt tell them because they didnt approve of the interracial dating... I love him... i AM going to marry him... my family and i have never been close... but i do want them at my wedding... how do i tell them that i've had this entire life for the last 3 1/2 years that they know nothing about???
2006-12-25 19:03:50 · 10 answers · asked by Nikki K 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
you tell them the truth, you think that they disapprove of interacial relationship and thats why it goes on for 3.5 years secret relationship to them. now its the time to tell them that you want to settle down and you INFORM them that you are getting married to the man you love. you are not asking for their approval now you are informing them, then you go on continue your wedding details girl :) theres lot to do for the big day! be happy!
2006-12-26 02:34:10 · answer #1 · answered by blue violet 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wait a minute...you want them at the wedding to a man you know they won't approve of or accept, yet you spent all this time trying to hide the fact that you were in-love and sleeping with what they consider 'the enemy'? Are you you a glutton for punishment, or just stupid?? Unless I've missed your clues, you aren't going to get a good result from bad planning. Either keep them out of the loop or prepare for the worst.
Make up your mind what you want, both from them and from him and let everybody concerned know. They can make up their own minds what they want to do. If they can get over the fact that you have kept everyone involved(and NOT involved!) in the dark, the choice to participate or ostracize you is entirely up to them. But, at this late date, you'd better hope there are no hard feelings, or you'll be the saddest bride on the planet when the invitations are sent and noone chooses to show because of the choices you've made. Honesty is the best policy, in this case...too bad you didn't think of trying it sooner!
2006-12-25 19:21:16 · answer #2 · answered by wetdreamdiver 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow thats a really crappy situation. You really should put it on them, and what I mean is. Tell them straight up, your in love with this man, your going to marry him and they can either be there to support you or not. If they dont go to your wedding then they will have that regret not you. He's a person just like everyone else, and deserves respect. Who are they to judge? However, just be prepared because they are really going to make a HUGE deal out of the fact that you've kept this hidden for the past 3 1/2 years. That might be a bigger deal to them than the race. Brace yourself and stay strong to your beliefs, good luck and congrats on finding true love!
2006-12-26 02:08:03 · answer #3 · answered by ELW 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, it's time for the old "Guess Who's Coming to Dinner" routine. You will have to go through with it, you know. It's really not going to be possible to get all four (or more?) parents to the wedding if you do not start now with both sets of parents to say, in effect:
I am your child. You brought me up well. Now trust me when I say this is the mate for me, and no other. We are soul mates, and already married in our hearts, so you may as well accept it and learn to love one another.
It's more the shock value of such an announcement. You are going to have to accept that they will take some time accepting the inevitable. But don't react if Papa or Grandpa start shouting about cutting you off without a cent. We're adults, Papa, and can make our own way, but we are sorry you feel so bad about this.
Be polite but firm. We are a couple. No amount of ranting and raving will change that. Let them know, quietly, that their bigoted attitude is offensive. "Listen to yourself, Mama; do you hear how hateful that sounds?" Or even, "Sorry, Pop, but you are out of date."
2006-12-25 19:18:05 · answer #4 · answered by auntb93again 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The earlier your family knows the better. Arrange a dinner with your family and introduced him. Your family can't choose who you want to marry...Your family must feel that you both really love each other and this is not fling thing. Your parents may also be concern on your financial status so he better has a job...in short your boyfriend must make a good impression to your family. maybe both of you will have a hard time convincing them but as long as you're happy sooner or later they will learn to accept it.
2006-12-25 19:29:24 · answer #5 · answered by cool 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have not done this well. I guarantee that they will either not be happy about being told, and might not come to the wedding if you spring this on them.
Sit them down as soon as possible, and be prepared that you might not get that fairy tale wedding where everyone you want is there, happy, and getting along. Please PLEASE stay in reality. Prejudices are hard to get around, and god knows, it might be better if the people that do not approve, are not at the wedding.
Tell them in a calm, rational manner, and refuse to discuss the race issue as it does not concern them. Ask them to see beyond themselves about how happy you are. Do not expect the world though.
2006-12-25 21:31:35 · answer #6 · answered by shaclare 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Introduce them, before you get engaged. But let them know that you are serious about him, and you plan on marrying him.
Tell them that you'd wish for their respect in your choice, and put personal beliefs aside.
Just because they don't approve of interracial dating, doesn't mean that you disagree, or should be prevented to do so.
2006-12-25 19:07:44 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you know you are going to marry him, arrange a meeting with them over dinner and let them know you are getting engaged and show them who too. You don't need their aprovel even though it would be nice. Bad news is like fish, it gets worse with age. The sooner they know the better and than you don't have to worry about it anymore.
2006-12-25 19:09:56 · answer #8 · answered by heavy_cow 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Give your parents the respect they deserve by telling them. Just sit them down and tell them. If they also respect you they will accept him for who he is and not judge him by his color. But most important thing to remember, is the fact that you love him. Good luck, hope it works out!!!!!
2006-12-25 19:13:20 · answer #9 · answered by ~†~§amueL~†~ 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
senf them a chocolate cake with a black man and a white women on it and say on the cake im geting married see how that work.
2006-12-25 19:07:14 · answer #10 · answered by little_bear 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋